Thich Nhat Hanh, a Buddhist monk we have come to know and love, teaches these four elements of true love when asked about couple's love. I agree but I also recognize as a man he has a single man's viewpoint that does not include the love and protection of a child. Rarely do Buddhists speak of the children and wife. The Buddha himself left behind his family in search of his own endeavor of wisdom. We agree he has found it, as a wife and mother I think of the wife and children he left behind never to return, his choice is not good for the his family unit. I don't care who he is, children and wives need a father and helpmate to raise children.
In fact Buddhists never mention the "harm" of the absence of a father from his family or the need for a coherent family unit. Stability is needed between a wife and husband for a child to grow up in a healthy home with an independent and healthy self-image. This is my discovery after years of studying Buddhism, as much as I respect and love the teachings, the focus on the world love, omits couple love. Without couple love, and the family unit that produces kind, respectful, children, there will be no more monks, Dalai Lama, or Popes.
If you look at major religions of the worlds in history, and even Buddhism, (not a religion) there are no female leaders, no female Dalai Lama or female Pope. Women are capable but men convince everyone that follow their doctrines that women are not able, and
women allow the males to rule over them again. What do we as women and mothers need to do to open our eyes and stop accepting these male dominating edicts that do not serve females? That's the question, it surely is NOT acting like men, leaving spouse and children behind, that is NOT working. In fact this produces more of the same, families without husband or father, women carrying the entire responsibility of childcare and education, etc. and smothering the woman's loftier goals as an individual. We have to stop this cycle of abuse of the women of the world and in families.
Having said this, the definition of "True Love" has deteriorated to mean you don't protect yourself or your loved ones, you have to forgive every bad action instead of stopping it. Now we make excuses for bad behavior. Religious men and women think you must be forgiving of every bad action demonstrated, make excuses for the destruction of personal property, personal space, and even allow another to physically harm you as you turn the other cheek. This is NOT love of any kind.
True love according to Thich Naht Hanh has four elements and I agree with these:
1. You bring happiness to the other.
*** My thought of this...(You don't make the other happy, you bring greater happiness to the other. No one can make you happy but yourself,
do not look outside yourself for personal happiness. Another in a relationship may make you happier but not happy.)
2. You have compassion for the other.
***My thought of this...(You have compassion for the confused, sick, or violent person but you do not allow this malevolent action to continue in your house and home. How you decide to deal with this is your choice, but do not allow this to continue in your own house and family, you are not a sacrificial lamb.
3. You bring joy to the other.
***My thought of this...(Through your presence in the other's life you bring laughter and much peace to the home and being with each other.
You feel safe with this person always. You help one another achieve goals in life.)
4. You know that the other is not separate from you in that you include their feelings and their uffering with you. You feel for the other person, you see you are not separate. When you achieve this oneness with one other person then you can love the world and see you are not separate from the world's suffering. This is Buddha's love of the world.
***My thought of this, especially as a woman and mother, (You do know you are a unit when you have a baby, you do know you go through the tough times and the good times together when you are a couple, you work things out,
if you have done the first three mentioned above, there is no physical violence in a home. You do know you are one with the world however
you do not let a malevolent individual steal the peace of the family. The world does not come before your personal family or self.
The environment of the neighborhood, the community, the town, the state has to be safe to raise a family in and if there are individuals that are causing harm to others, these must be stopped for peace to be the prevailing atmosphere. When the majority of the people of the world are seeking to be as peaceful as Buddha, then yes, we all can live and let live, but when there are confused and malevolent beings among us, these must be taught a more peaceful way, and the law is needed to restrain violent actions of such people.
Thankful to live in the USA.
