Lying in the Driveway

The first time I lie in a driveway at 2 am was in 1979. We lived in a rented cottage on a country road in upstate New York a little town called, Bethlehem.

Then we had children and we took them to lie in the driveway at 4 am in 2001 on silver insulation, we were installing in the house at the time. We were renovating a house we bought.

Then we had our new house in Selkirk and when the forecasts predicted we lie in that driveway at 3 am with pads and sleeping bags and kids in 2010.

Tonight 2019, at 2:45 am things are different, every one is grown and moved away but the hubby and I traipse out to the driveway now much more sophisticated and comfortable in our zero gravity lounge chairs, one for each of us and watch the meteor shower again.  15 tonight in an hour and ten minutes, pretty good count.

When invited last night, I hesitated and then thought, we have been doing this for 41 years this month, for me to stop now would mean to be old, and I can't do that, get old.

Thankful to be here one more year, seeing this beautiful night sky and with my boyfriend.
Happy 41st Anniversary Sweetheart!  Love you again this year.

Self Love, Couple Love, Family Love, then World Love, Love Has an Order

Thich Nhat Hanh, a Buddhist monk we have come to know and love, teaches these four elements of true love when asked about couple's love.  I agree but I also recognize as a man he has a single man's viewpoint that does not include the love and protection of a child. Rarely do Buddhists speak of the children and wife. The Buddha himself left behind his family in search of his own endeavor of wisdom. We agree he has found it, as a wife and mother I think of the wife and children he left behind never to return, his choice is not good for the his family unit. I don't care who he is, children and wives need a father and helpmate to raise children.

In fact Buddhists never mention the "harm" of the absence of a father from his family or the need for a coherent family unit.  Stability is needed between a wife and husband for a child to grow up in a healthy home with an independent and healthy self-image.  This is my discovery after years of studying Buddhism, as much as I respect and love the teachings, the focus on the world love, omits couple love.  Without couple love, and the family unit that produces kind, respectful, children, there will be no more monks, Dalai Lama, or Popes.

If you look at major religions of the worlds in history, and even Buddhism, (not a religion) there are no female leaders, no female Dalai Lama or female Pope.  Women are capable but men convince everyone that follow their doctrines that women are not able, and women allow the males to rule over them again. What do we as women and mothers need to do to open our eyes and stop accepting these male dominating edicts that do not serve females?  That's the question, it surely is NOT acting like men, leaving spouse and children behind, that is NOT working.  In fact this produces more of the same, families without husband or father, women carrying the entire responsibility of childcare and education, etc. and smothering the woman's loftier goals as an individual. We have to stop this cycle of abuse of the women of the world and in families.

Having said this, the definition of "True Love" has deteriorated to mean you don't protect yourself or your loved ones, you have to forgive every bad action instead of stopping it. Now we make excuses for bad behavior. Religious men and women think you must be forgiving of every bad action demonstrated, make excuses for the destruction of personal property, personal space, and even allow another to physically harm you as you turn the other cheek. This is NOT love of any kind.

True love according to Thich Naht Hanh has four elements and I agree with these:

1. You bring happiness to the other.

*** My thought of this...(You don't make the other happy, you bring greater happiness to the other. No one can make you happy but yourself, do not look outside yourself for personal happiness. Another in a relationship may make you happier but not happy.)

2.  You have compassion for the other.

***My thought of this...(You have compassion for the confused, sick, or violent person but you do not allow this malevolent action to continue in your house and home.  How you decide to deal with this is your choice, but do not allow this to continue in your own house and family, you are not a sacrificial lamb.

3.   You bring joy to the other.

***My thought of this...(Through your presence in the other's life you bring laughter and                much  peace to the home and being with each other. You feel safe with this person always. You help one another achieve goals in life.)

4. You know that the other is not separate from you in that you include their feelings and their uffering with you. You feel for the other person, you see you are not separate.  When you achieve this oneness with one other person then you can love the world and see you are not separate from the world's suffering. This is Buddha's love of the world.

***My thought of this, especially as a woman and mother, (You do know you are a unit when you have a baby, you do know you go through the tough times and the good times together when you are a couple, you work things out, if you have done the first three mentioned above, there is no physical violence in a home. You do know you are one with the world however you do not let a malevolent individual steal the peace of the family.  The world does not come before your personal family or self.

The environment of the neighborhood, the community, the town, the state has to be safe to raise a family in and if there are individuals that are causing harm to others, these must be stopped for peace to be the prevailing atmosphere.  When the majority of the people of the world are seeking to be as peaceful as Buddha, then yes, we all can live and let live, but when there are confused and malevolent beings among us, these must be taught a more  peaceful way, and the law is needed to restrain violent actions of such people.

Thankful to live in the USA.

Nope, We are Out of Ketchup

My husband and I were having a cup of coffee after dinner still seated at the table. Our little 5 year old waitress came up dressed in white ruffles with pink edging and sparkly white and pink tenny shoes with a small spiral pad and a pencil and said, "I'm your waitress, what do you want?"

So my husband and I smiled and he said, "I would like a hamburger with cheese, tomato, lettuce, pickle, on a sesame seed bun with a side of onion rings, and an unsweetened tea."

"Ok, she said" as she scribbled lines on the pad, she had not learned to write yet.

She turns to me and asks, "What do you want?"

I thought, "Not the friendliest waitress we ever had but..."

I order a grilled cheese sandwich with mayonnaise, tomato, on whole wheat with a side of fries and a water with lemon."

"Ok, I'll be right back!" the waitress goes into the first floor pretend bedroom kitchen and returns to say...

"We're all out of tomatoes. What else do you want?"

She still has her pad and pencil.

We both say, "The same without the tomatoes."

She scribbles on the pad again and says,"Ok." and she leaves again.

Now she returns and says, "We are out of onion rings, what else do you want?"

Pulling out the pad to scribble again.

My husband says, "I'll have fries like your mother."

"Ok." Back to the bedroom, a pause and then she returns again.

"We are all out of cheese." Out comes the pad with pencil in hand waiting...

"Ok," Dad, "I'll just take the burger without cheese.

Mom, "And I'll just have the fries."

She scribbles and off...

Now she returns to announce they have no buns or bread.

"Ok."

Now mother says, "It would be easier to ask you, What do you have that we can eat?'

She says, "You Dad can have a burger and you Mom can have fries."

"Sounds delicious! Thank you, we'll have a burger for dad and fries for me."

She goes to the pretend bedroom kitchen and comes out without the pad and has pretend plates in her hands. She places these invisible plates in front of us on the table and says, "There."

Then she places pretend drinks in front of us, and says "Here's you tea and water."

"Is my lemon in there?"

"No, we are out of lemons today."

"Ok, thanks."

"I say this looks delicious, and we are so hungry, thank you."

She smiles and looks so happy we play along with her imagination.

I say, "Can I have some ketchup for these fries?'

She says, "Nope all out of ketchup today too."

I should have known better... 😉

Happy Birthday to our wonderful creative daughter, all grown up she is still a barrel of laughs and fun and she is still in charge of her own life. So thankful for the woman you are, so proud of all you have accomplished in life and the many laughs we have together as always.

Love always, Mom & Dad