Eleven Lovely Things for Thanksgiving

1)  Seeing the first snowflake in October in upstate New York knowing skiing, snowmobiling, and ice skating is on the way.

2) Watching squirrels twirl and dance as they circle upward on trees to store nuts for the winter.

3) Enjoy the sighting of a lone white birch tree in the midst of the silhouette of dark pine trees against the winter sky.

4) Hearing the sound of a distant train across the river at night and being amazed that we can hear the sound of the whistle so clearly far away.

5) Calculating the position of the sunrise and sunset as each season comes and goes.

6) Listening to the comforting, soft, low, owl's call, "hoo, hoo, hoo" in the spring at night.

7) Determining each type of bird call from the treetops as they communicate with one another in the spring.

8)  Hearing the first insect peepers and katydids change their tune depending on warm or cold temperatures letting us know the weather.

9) Becoming excited when darkest falls midday while in the West we see a wall of black clouds form to let us know a storm is coming.

10)  Sitting by an open door or window after the cat runs for safety, hiding in the basement, being in awe of the lightening and cracks of thunder as we wait for the next roar and crash.

11) I love having a Sweetheart of a husband that makes this list for me this year and supports my writing a book without fear of what I may write, that's a true friend.

Happy Thanksgiving, what eleven unusual things are you grateful for this year?

With Age YOU Get Wiser Because You Learn Patience with Boundaries

When I was a child everyone was in a hurry. Hurry up and get dressed, hurry up and get in the car we have to go somewhere, let me dress you, I'm in a hurry, you're taking too long, get out of my way let me do that, you are too slow, hurry up and go outside get out from under my feet, I have work to do and so I learned as a child I was not fast enough, I was in the way.  Being sent outside often with no choice, I became fascinated watching insects, snakes, squirrels and birds. I watched these creatures live as they built their homes and gathered their food with no stress it seemed.  Nature was so comforting to observe to this stressed little girl. I fell in love with life outside the house, it was peaceful there.

Years go by and I did not learn how to do much of anything by myself because I had no patient teacher.  I became a co-dependent because I was conditioned through lack of patient 'hands on' teachers to give me time to learn by doing it myself. Of course it would be slowly at first to learn, because I was a baby.  Fast meant I could not do anything for myself.  A child needs time to learn a thing the first time. I learned nothing in childhood that would serve me in the adult world except strict self denial of joy and I became very afraid of the world.

By the age of 12 I had an arsenal of failures to think about because I was constantly scolded for not doing anything fast and what I did was never right and had to be redone. The message I was taught "I was not good enough." I could not pass the test of impatient adults.  I was stressed, I began to have stomachaches, bite my nails into the quick until they bled, have migraines from early childhood.  The pain of this stress made me jump ship by age fourteen and I almost drowned in the ocean of self -doubt and while floundering to tread water in a world I was NOT prepared to live, but I discovered 'I was enough!'

The greatest surprise? I loved being in world where I could make mistakes and fix these myself. There was no one out here scolding me, telling me I could not make right decisions. The world was not as scary as I had been taught.  Swimming around in this ocean was great freedom and I fell in love with the peace of living free of negative self-talk.

Now I would need to reinvent me, decide for the first time what I wanted to become and how to get there.  I was free. Now there is no one to blame and no reason  to be stressed as long as I knew i had my back and I did.  No one was coming to rescue me, I learned that at 10 years old.  That's ok, I'm happy and I can figure this life out. I slowed down. I enjoyed nature. I sat in the sunshine and thought of nothing but the warm feeling on my skin.  I did not know it at the time but I was learning how to meditate and be patient with me.

It would be years before the migraines subsided, it would be years before I learned to make good decisions one after another but I learned.  It would take me years to uncover the real me, what I liked and did not like, and then set healthy boundaries to not get caught in another web of lies. Lies that were told me about me, I could change my life by changing my self talk. No one would influence my mind with negative self-talk about me, not even me.

To do this I had to SLOW DOWN. Get off the phone, turn off the TV, stop needing to be an rush to exercise, eat, go without sleep to keep moving fast and do the next scheduled event.  When the mental fast pace of stress was relieved I was able to accomplish more in less time and take care of me.  My advice to you now, take care of you, slow down, focus on self care, eat without an iphone on to entertain you, sleep without a TV on, exercise with time to enjoy the scenery, do not listen to sports reports while running for exercise, let your mind spend time doing daily tasks without thinking about anything but the present moment. Let your precious mind rest from the pressures of the world.

You and I are not here long on earth, let's enjoy what we have for a little while or we will miss it. The pure child like joy of being here. I will give you my code word to use next time you are getting anxious, say, "Adagios" and slow down. All is well and all will be well. Take a deep breath, say thank you for your life.  If you live to be old, you will learn this because you have to slow down to find your reading glasses again and again to read directions and not become angry for growing older. If you can learn this now while you are young, you will live a much happier life while you are young. Adagios.

Are You Comfortable with Yourself Enough to say, "I don't know?"

If we live a thousand times a thousand years and studied a million times a million subjects we can never know it all.  However many of us will fight to the death in a relationship to be "RIGHT" in an argument without facts.  Facts change everything from a personal fight to an uninformed opinion not worth fighting over, but we have to have the last word. I was guilty of this until I learned I did not have to appear perfect anymore. I know my boundaries but I'm open to learn of your boundaries.  Then we can make valid decisions that work for us both.

It was a brand new day and a weight lifted off my shoulders when I knew "I was enough" and  decided I don't have to prove myself everyday to everyone by seeming to know something about every subject.  Even if I know a lot, I can always learn more no matter how much I think I know.  Truth be known there is much I cannot comment on and I find it relaxing to admit, I don't know."

Who is an expert on any subject?  Who do I trust to speak authoritatively on the subject? Now that is different. What have you studied for more than twenty years?  Do you need degrees or life experience to be respected by me? I look for results in your life, degrees alone, don't make anyone successful in living a kind and compassionate life.  Living is the greatest teacher.

When I thought about this I realized I have been studying anger, how it originates and how to get rid of it since I was fourteen years old.  I was so consumed by my own anger I wanted to be free of it. No one in my immediate circle of family and friends were interested in the study of anger so I became a pioneer of this study for me.

My other interest has been what makes men and women tick to have a smooth relationship and what causes division between the two?  Both worthy endeavors have made my life easier. Today I may have a few insights into both but one thing I know I am no longer interested in being closely associated with angry self centered people that know it all. My future circle of friends will always include open heart people that engage in open conversations that welcome new ideas with positive attitudes to support others, not destroy people for being or thinking differently.


Men and women together, living in harmony, can be if we learn to listen to one another with open minds and open hearts and stop trying to control everything and everyone around us. To learn to control ourselves is the first step, anyone that can control self to respond with patient understanding to listen instead of reacting with judgemental controlling fear will bring peace sooner.

To say, "I don't know" is such a relaxing phrase and gives life permission to teach me what I don't know.  Thankful to be a student of life for the rest of mine. Perfectly content with imperfect me.
 

Eleanor's Way

Anyone that knows me well knows  I have read many books written about Eleanor Roosevelt and my favorite is authored by her eldest son, Elliot Roosevelt titled Mother R.  After all the books I have read, this one brought me full circle of her life and her thoughts about the life she lived now that she was old and many of the family were dead.

She knew her life was important and she had work to do for others.  Her acute awareness of the position she had as first lady with personal wealth, motivated her to do as much with her life as possible. People took advantage of her, family betrayed her, still she soldiered on with an olive branch in her hand. 

Her home in Hyde Park, NY., named 'Val-Kill' I have visited many times. The parking lot outside her cottage is a quiet place to have lunch, afterwards I would walk the 3 mile trail up to 'Top Cottage,' a place FDR had built to have alone time.

Walking in her footsteps thinking of her life and what she might think as she walked there, family problems, relationship problems, and later in life money problems, yet she sojourned on, with the knowledge she could manage any curve balls life threw at her and she did manage right up to the end.  I have silent reverence for her because of her ability to look at the mistakes she made with her own life and children and think if she had things to do over...  Still we can't go back but we can have regrets without judgments, facts not judgments.

We can learn from her mistakes, this is why I state over and over to parents to stay with you children, teach them to have fun being little before thy take on the problems of an adult world, those adult worries will be there forever after they are placed on those little shoulders.  Best to play as long as possible before those adult problems are your childish burdens.

Our son knew I liked nature trails and years ago made a nature trail in the back of our house into the woods for exercise and enjoyment.  Now that I am older, I walk that trail often and think of Eleanor and our son, both have huge hearts to give to others, and I 'm thankful.

I'm thinking of naming the trail "Eleanor's Way."

Back to writing my book, I plan to have it to the publishers this month, we'll see.  So if I don't write the blog as often as I'd like you know why. This book ain't going to write itself... back to editing... Thank you Eleanor and Steve. I love you.