If Your Situation is Tough, You are Surrounded with Pessimism, Get OUT!

Some people like the light talk, the light touch, easy comfort, me too but when it comes to pessimistic opinions about me and you, we have to face the facts.  If your life is full of dire circumstances of negativity, unbelief, criticism, poverty, fear of the future, dependency on others, you are in a pessimistic environment and this can make you angry and sad. Life is too short to carry this attitude every day. Turn off the TV, get new friends, and learn to enjoy your life. How?

If you are in this understand this, "IF" this is your life, take responsibility for your life because if you don't no one is coming to rescue you, no one cares about you and your negative situation in life.  Take charge of your life, do what you need to do to get out and make your own roads in life. Choose positivity, choose the higher road, and speak up for yourself, speak well of yourself even if your mother or father does not. Get out on your own.

Believe in yourself even if your family does not. You can make it on your own. You may not be living in luxury but you will be happier and free. When you are living in someone else's house for food and shelter you are spoiled and dependent. If you want your own life, go live it, go find it and make it a wildly successful life.

Later your family will respect you for it whether they tell you or not.  Realize this, if your life is a bad situation, you can change that, but can you change your thoughts about you? If you can't change your environment yet, you can change your thoughts about you while you are living there and preparing to leave.

Surround yourself with powerful positivity 24/7. Currently I'm making a compilation of videos that speak to me with several  powerful positive short 5 minute videos/audios to put on my phone to listen to often. I'm stepping up my game of mind set to abundance in everything.

My life is 100% my responsibility.  I love this! Let's win this game of life! Don't settle, you get what you settle for. 

You Don't Have the Right

People love to rescue people with answers to their personal problems.  Every speaker every book has an answer that works. And of course their heart is in the right place they are trying to help other people. That's good right? We all should help others, that's the goal right? If we can't help others we should give money to causes that help others. Right?

Men in particular like to tell others what to do, this works in the military but not in personal intimate relationships.  Black and white answers, take it or leave it attitudes do not create an environment of open communication from the two in a personal union.  This kind of authoritative rule of law is needed in a great number of collective people to live in peace as a nation but does not work in a family. The couple will find their own boundaries of what works for them with regards to respect and kindness.

Couple relationships that are equal in power and decisions are always respectful of one another and kind.  

When you become a parent it is your responsibility to train and teach and at times give answers for your child to learn how to solve their problems. There are many self-help books that tell you, now an adult, do this or that and your life will change, but what if your life does not change?  What if we believed in others to make the right decisions for our life and we tried their way but it did not work? 

Soon we see the answer that worked for that author or motivational speaker will not necessarily work for you and me.  And if you are already lost and afraid you may now add guilt and condemnation to your already long list of what seems like another failure to you, because this new book or this new mentor's solutions did not work for you.  More problems are created, unless you are narcissistic.

What if you consider you may have the answer inside but just need to uncover it?  This is the best discovery to know "You are enough, you have the answers inside, and you can unlock your mind of negative thoughts."

If you have a strong ethical and moral constitution no matter what happens in your life you will survive with self respect intact, you can bounce back.

No one is listening inside your head. No one can hear your thoughts about yourself so why not let bad judgmental thoughts go?  These thoughts of shame and guilt are not hurting anyone but you. We are here so few years on earth, why not love our-self, forgive yourself and love your life?  If you seek it, inner peaceful thoughts, you will find a way. 

Writing self help books, teaching online courses, sharing what works for you is good to inspire creative thoughts in others to choose their path but it is the reader's choice, OUR choice to take action to change our lives.  Therefore you should get the praise for your own salvation, not the author or speaker, that inspired you, YOU. You are enough!

You don't have the right, I don't have the right, as an outside speaker or author, counselor, or teacher to rescue others and deprive them of their destiny.  Your life, your choice, your reward, your destiny.

No one has the right to take the praise for the work you did to change your life. Pat YOURSELF on the back, job well done, YOU DID THIS!

You don't have the right to interfere, I don't have the right to interfere with your destiny.  You will arrive at your destiny with or without the rest of us. Mistakes are great, each teaches us what others cannot. We are the best teachers of our own life.

Enjoy your life, we are not here long. I believe in you. 😉

Producer's Commentary of YOU

My son and I were talking and he mentioned my curiosity of many things that lead me to research what's under the covers or behind that curtain. He said of every one he has ever met I am the only person he knows that watches a movie and then immediately watched the producer's commentary.

He says because of this curiosity I have, he believes I know more about a movie than meets the average eye.  "That's why I do it," I told him.  The producer and director know the thought process behind every scene, the lighting, the story, the actors, and it is fascinating. 

There is more that goes into making a movie than meets the eye.  Just amazing and quite detailed.

Having said this, this is why I read non-fiction books, I'm interested in what makes people tick.  What I've discovered,  people are good wherever you go and it is the minority that are malevolent. All of us are just doing our best and being nice to others along our way.

The book I'm almost finished writing this month is about this very thing.  What commentary is behind the scenes of our thoughts and why do we do what we do?  Once we figure that out we are home free.  Who is behind the scenes commenting on your life? We can change the scene if we choose, the actors, the lighting, or we can make subtle changes as needed. It is our life, our movie.

My 'movie' life has been a mystery at times, a romantic love story, an adventure film, a drama, a comedy, a horror film, but mostly a detective story.  The next move is always a welcomed fascination but one thing is for sure, I'm going to have fun.

Thankful for the genuine people in my life, this makes my life wonderful.

Lying in the Driveway

The first time I lie in a driveway at 2 am was in 1979. We lived in a rented cottage on a country road in upstate New York a little town called, Bethlehem.

Then we had children and we took them to lie in the driveway at 4 am in 2001 on silver insulation, we were installing in the house at the time. We were renovating a house we bought.

Then we had our new house in Selkirk and when the forecasts predicted we lie in that driveway at 3 am with pads and sleeping bags and kids in 2010.

Tonight 2019, at 2:45 am things are different, every one is grown and moved away but the hubby and I traipse out to the driveway now much more sophisticated and comfortable in our zero gravity lounge chairs, one for each of us and watch the meteor shower again.  15 tonight in an hour and ten minutes, pretty good count.

When invited last night, I hesitated and then thought, we have been doing this for 41 years this month, for me to stop now would mean to be old, and I can't do that, get old.

Thankful to be here one more year, seeing this beautiful night sky and with my boyfriend.
Happy 41st Anniversary Sweetheart!  Love you again this year.

Self Love, Couple Love, Family Love, then World Love, Love Has an Order

Thich Nhat Hanh, a Buddhist monk we have come to know and love, teaches these four elements of true love when asked about couple's love.  I agree but I also recognize as a man he has a single man's viewpoint that does not include the love and protection of a child. Rarely do Buddhists speak of the children and wife. The Buddha himself left behind his family in search of his own endeavor of wisdom. We agree he has found it, as a wife and mother I think of the wife and children he left behind never to return, his choice is not good for the his family unit. I don't care who he is, children and wives need a father and helpmate to raise children.

In fact Buddhists never mention the "harm" of the absence of a father from his family or the need for a coherent family unit.  Stability is needed between a wife and husband for a child to grow up in a healthy home with an independent and healthy self-image.  This is my discovery after years of studying Buddhism, as much as I respect and love the teachings, the focus on the world love, omits couple love.  Without couple love, and the family unit that produces kind, respectful, children, there will be no more monks, Dalai Lama, or Popes.

If you look at major religions of the worlds in history, and even Buddhism, (not a religion) there are no female leaders, no female Dalai Lama or female Pope.  Women are capable but men convince everyone that follow their doctrines that women are not able, and women allow the males to rule over them again. What do we as women and mothers need to do to open our eyes and stop accepting these male dominating edicts that do not serve females?  That's the question, it surely is NOT acting like men, leaving spouse and children behind, that is NOT working.  In fact this produces more of the same, families without husband or father, women carrying the entire responsibility of childcare and education, etc. and smothering the woman's loftier goals as an individual. We have to stop this cycle of abuse of the women of the world and in families.

Having said this, the definition of "True Love" has deteriorated to mean you don't protect yourself or your loved ones, you have to forgive every bad action instead of stopping it. Now we make excuses for bad behavior. Religious men and women think you must be forgiving of every bad action demonstrated, make excuses for the destruction of personal property, personal space, and even allow another to physically harm you as you turn the other cheek. This is NOT love of any kind.

True love according to Thich Naht Hanh has four elements and I agree with these:

1. You bring happiness to the other.

*** My thought of this...(You don't make the other happy, you bring greater happiness to the other. No one can make you happy but yourself, do not look outside yourself for personal happiness. Another in a relationship may make you happier but not happy.)

2.  You have compassion for the other.

***My thought of this...(You have compassion for the confused, sick, or violent person but you do not allow this malevolent action to continue in your house and home.  How you decide to deal with this is your choice, but do not allow this to continue in your own house and family, you are not a sacrificial lamb.

3.   You bring joy to the other.

***My thought of this...(Through your presence in the other's life you bring laughter and                much  peace to the home and being with each other. You feel safe with this person always. You help one another achieve goals in life.)

4. You know that the other is not separate from you in that you include their feelings and their uffering with you. You feel for the other person, you see you are not separate.  When you achieve this oneness with one other person then you can love the world and see you are not separate from the world's suffering. This is Buddha's love of the world.

***My thought of this, especially as a woman and mother, (You do know you are a unit when you have a baby, you do know you go through the tough times and the good times together when you are a couple, you work things out, if you have done the first three mentioned above, there is no physical violence in a home. You do know you are one with the world however you do not let a malevolent individual steal the peace of the family.  The world does not come before your personal family or self.

The environment of the neighborhood, the community, the town, the state has to be safe to raise a family in and if there are individuals that are causing harm to others, these must be stopped for peace to be the prevailing atmosphere.  When the majority of the people of the world are seeking to be as peaceful as Buddha, then yes, we all can live and let live, but when there are confused and malevolent beings among us, these must be taught a more  peaceful way, and the law is needed to restrain violent actions of such people.

Thankful to live in the USA.

Nope, We are Out of Ketchup

My husband and I were having a cup of coffee after dinner still seated at the table. Our little 5 year old waitress came up dressed in white ruffles with pink edging and sparkly white and pink tenny shoes with a small spiral pad and a pencil and said, "I'm your waitress, what do you want?"

So my husband and I smiled and he said, "I would like a hamburger with cheese, tomato, lettuce, pickle, on a sesame seed bun with a side of onion rings, and an unsweetened tea."

"Ok, she said" as she scribbled lines on the pad, she had not learned to write yet.

She turns to me and asks, "What do you want?"

I thought, "Not the friendliest waitress we ever had but..."

I order a grilled cheese sandwich with mayonnaise, tomato, on whole wheat with a side of fries and a water with lemon."

"Ok, I'll be right back!" the waitress goes into the first floor pretend bedroom kitchen and returns to say...

"We're all out of tomatoes. What else do you want?"

She still has her pad and pencil.

We both say, "The same without the tomatoes."

She scribbles on the pad again and says,"Ok." and she leaves again.

Now she returns and says, "We are out of onion rings, what else do you want?"

Pulling out the pad to scribble again.

My husband says, "I'll have fries like your mother."

"Ok." Back to the bedroom, a pause and then she returns again.

"We are all out of cheese." Out comes the pad with pencil in hand waiting...

"Ok," Dad, "I'll just take the burger without cheese.

Mom, "And I'll just have the fries."

She scribbles and off...

Now she returns to announce they have no buns or bread.

"Ok."

Now mother says, "It would be easier to ask you, What do you have that we can eat?'

She says, "You Dad can have a burger and you Mom can have fries."

"Sounds delicious! Thank you, we'll have a burger for dad and fries for me."

She goes to the pretend bedroom kitchen and comes out without the pad and has pretend plates in her hands. She places these invisible plates in front of us on the table and says, "There."

Then she places pretend drinks in front of us, and says "Here's you tea and water."

"Is my lemon in there?"

"No, we are out of lemons today."

"Ok, thanks."

"I say this looks delicious, and we are so hungry, thank you."

She smiles and looks so happy we play along with her imagination.

I say, "Can I have some ketchup for these fries?'

She says, "Nope all out of ketchup today too."

I should have known better... 😉

Happy Birthday to our wonderful creative daughter, all grown up she is still a barrel of laughs and fun and she is still in charge of her own life. So thankful for the woman you are, so proud of all you have accomplished in life and the many laughs we have together as always.

Love always, Mom & Dad