A Grasshopper Scientist

With a baby stroller for the new sister and our scheduled after breakfast daily walk we went outside on the country road where every day in the warm weather I took our babies to breathe in the fresh clean country air and enjoy nature.  He had not been walking long at 14 months he had taken his time taking his first step and to this day he takes his time before taking any step, he is wise that way. His sister arrived when he was 16 months of age.

On this day we went to the end of the driveway and he stopped, pointed and grunted, Uh, Uh, he had not learned to talk yet but in his baby way he let me know he saw something and wanted to know it's name. In the grass there was a green grasshopper and he was so intrigued he immediately lie flat on the ground with face next to it to get a closer look.

"Grasshopper." I said, "Grasshopper."

He stared at it as it crawled ever so slowly up a green blade of grass, not disturbed by the baby face presence so close. As it moved, the baby was fascinated and I decided to stop. Stay far enough away not to intrude on the grasshopper scientist research. He looked and looked, the grasshopper did not move for many minutes as it sat, it finally rubbed its two back legs together and the little scientist looked at me pointing to it as if to say, "Did you see that?"

"Yes," I replied. "Grasshopper."

Now I could have said, "Ok, let's keep moving, I have a schedule to keep..." But I did not.

The little guy got to his knees and sat back on them, eyes fastened on that grasshopper. In that moment I thought, this is his time, his time to relax and discover how wonderful, entertaining, and comforting nature, insects, animals, trees can be if you stop and look and listen.

So I waited, his baby sister and me. She sleeping, me with a book in my hand which I always had with me to read while waiting, watching, while children discover, play, enjoy being free, being little.  No clock to rule our time, just curiosity.

Finally as quickly as he had plopped down on the ground, he got up and the grasshopper hopped off. He was through with his research for today and ready to move on. I  glanced at my watch, he had been fascinated watching that insect for 30 minutes.  So with pacifier in his mouth, he took my hand and we walked on.

It's moments like this I remember when I realize he is 35 years old today. The joy he brought into my life at 28 years old as a baby, he still brings to mind now that he is a man, grown, far from home living life on his own terms many years now.  A Marine Corps Vet, an independent thinker, a kind-hearted soul, a loyal friend to his comrades, a devoted brother and son to his family, a kind man to his girl, a musician, a hard worker, he is a good, good, man.

So thankful for that grasshopper scientist that was given to me for a short while. I held his hand for a little while, he holds my heart forever. Children are like that. I loved being a stay at home mom for our babes and they taught me more about love and selfless giving than I ever knew before having them.

He is one of my happiest thoughts, I have three.  Happy Birthday! Jr.  We love you forever and always!

Listening Is The Most Dangerous Thing To Do, Most People Don't Know How

In The Garden of Eden some religions teach it was not the woman taking a bite of the apple that caused the fall of Adam and Eve from the paradise they enjoyed, rather it was the "listening" of Eve to consider another point of view that was the down fall of them both. Had she not listened to a serpent, she would not question what an outside source, "God" had commanded her not to do, and she would not have acted to take a bite of the tree of knowledge.  This is a great story, but one God did not intend or write.  Yes, I believe in God but not religions, I believe in me.

Religions promote this; "Don't listen to another point of view, this ideology has all the answers you need. Study the scriptures of our belief, all answers are there."  This lack of questioning is to keep followers from thinking for yourself and possibly abdicating the religion altogether.

When you begin to think for yourself you will find you are kinder than you know, you have peaceful solutions that come to you without outside intervention.  Many times you find you are kinder and more forgiving than the religion you follow.

All religions, proclaim this is the "only the true religion."

This belief alone is divisive.

Listening.  When you listen you consider what another person is saying and if that other person is persuasive enough that listening may change you. Change what you think, change what you say, change what you believe, change how you act.

Now listening is beneficial when you are an adult and have developed critical thinking skills through life experience and education. To listen to two differing ideas and to have the patience, the reason and logic to do your own research before you speak, without selfish righteousness, will move to a place of compromise that is more harmonious and peaceful.

But most people listen with the thought of evaluation based on fixed preconceived opinions. Most listen only with the intention of defending their own point of view.  When you are thinking while others are talking you are not listening, you are gearing up for a fight for a personal agenda to be pushed instead of allowing another to have their say.  This always causes division.

Calmly listening to another point of view when you are young, doing your own research to find truth and be aware of all the facts on both sides of the issue instead of pushing a personal agenda you were spoon fed from a reliable source, will give you truth and confidence.  Hatred has an agenda and does not heal any situation no matter how noble.  It cannot give new ideas and answers for a better solution.

Listen we will learn something we did not know. Thankful as years go by to know I do not know everything and to really listen is an art.

A Story Of What A Woman Will Do, Is Old As Time

Visiting Arrowhead Pittsfield, MA, the home of Herman Melville, author of Moby Dick. I heard a story that is as old as time and is indicative of  what a woman will do when she thinks she is in love...  Run into marriage with the man she claims to love against her father's wishes. A story I have seen many times.

Herman Melville , a writer did many things but he preferred writing.  Herman came from a family that has generational poverty and hardships that left the wives begging for money from relatives to keep them and their "multiple" children fed and off the streets. First his father's bride and then his.

Herman's mother came from a wealthy family that was emotionally bankrupt. She was forbidden by her father to marry that man, Allan Melvill, Herman's father. She did anyway, Allan Melvill tried to make a successful business and went into bankruptcy. The couple had eight kids...oh lord... you know that is trouble...too many mouths to feed and no money. 

Allan Melvill's father -in-law could have helped his daughter financially to get back on their feet, he could have helped his grandchildren, but he did not. In fact her father cut her out of the will for disobeying him.  The relatives on that side of the family stopped seeing them at all. Allan Melvill changed the family name spelling to Melville with an"e" to throw creditors off the trail.

Where have I heard this story before? Marrying against a father's wishes and being cut out of the will?

Now Herman, Allan's son,  proposed to a wife that came from a wealthier family," that loved and valued his children. This woman was told not to marry Herman. The reasons were the same, Herman did not come from a "good" family, his family had neither money or education, he could not support her (A writer is not a assured income) She married him anyway for love.

When Herman went into bankruptcy he too had several children, but his own siblings offered housing and gave them money. When he and his wife needed more money, "her" father forgave her, helped them buy a house, and advised them in financial matters. His father-in-law did not cut his daughter out of  his will. This is a family that loves one another more than money. 

The story as old as time?  So much of decision making about any marital union even today is based on opinions by objective bystanders. But most young women or men are not objective when they are in love, they will run into the arms of one another rather than listen to anyone tell her/him not to marry the other, every time. Many country songs are written about this kind of unbridled passion.

The objections are only reflected upon by the young unsuspecting newlyweds later, when the money runs out, many times so does the affection and respect.  This may take years, but when it does, what follows is the true test for love.  Money does not make a marriage last we see this with all the divorces reported of the wealthy in the news.

How can this be fixed? Do we want to fix the family? Today we have choices, lots of them.

But what choices do children have, if any?

Can parents find ways to peacefully compromise without divorce and can we teach children the kindness of true love that lasts a lifetime? Are we so focused on being right, having the last word, we can't slow down and find a way to agree to disagree?

Are we building a stronger society or making it weaker?

These are just thoughts I always drift to when hearing of family trials and hardships whether from a tour guide in a museum, read in a book, or real life. Everyone in every century, every family, has identical tribulations and deals with it, indeed there is no other choice.

Recently I heard someone suggest this,

"What if we make war illegal?" ~ a woman celebrity~  if I don't reveal her name we can't dismiss her based on her political views.

and I thought, now there's an idea worth thinking about. Let's start with marriage...

The Final Cat Teaches Me So Much More

Yesterday we had a scare. It's cold, it's a snow covered ground, snowstorm on the way and we can't find our final cat, Moke, Moke.

As we went though our minds about the last time any of us saw him, we agreed none of us had let him outside because when we do, we wait and check the door often to let him in for safety and his comfort. We checked the entire house basement to attic, we thought he really is tucked away somewhere.

Then we thought... wonder if he had a heart attack and died in our house somewhere?  Why would we think this?  Because a vet told us when we took our healthy cat for a rabies shot, that he had a heart condition and should be put on meds three times day for the rest of his life...we opted out.  If we will not take meds ourselves, for the rest of our lives, we certainly are not putting our pet on meds for the rest of his when he shows no signs of sickness.

So we looked everywhere in the house, no Moke Moke.  Sad, we took a moment to thank life for letting us have this sweet kitty for a while and then I said, "Well the spiritual teachers say if only we humans could be more like the animals and live in the moment... so I said, whatever happened to him he was accepting of it and dies peacefully. Byron Katie is right my thoughts are my suffering now."

Three cats die in two years...Oh no.

Then I thought and said out loud to my Sweetheart, "I'm glad we are human and not an animal, because if not, we would not have the emotions to appreciate the beauty of a moon lit heaven with stars, the comforting appreciation for the soft fur of stroking a kitty, the appreciation of a good meal, a soft bed, a wonderful appreciation of a friend who loves you and understands you, the devotion to a child to be there always to protect and guide him/her, so many more lovely things...

It was 4am and we were getting the snow off my car so I could go to work. I thought I hope he is not outside freezing to death and with one last movement, I put my hands together and yelled out into the black night, "Smokie, Smokie!"

We continued cleaning off he car and I turned to kiss my Sweetheart goodbye and get in when we heard, "Meow, meow, meow..."