Herman Melville , a writer did many things but he preferred writing. Herman came from a family that has generational poverty and hardships that left the wives begging for money from relatives to keep them and their "multiple" children fed and off the streets. First his father's bride and then his.
Herman's mother came from a wealthy family that was emotionally bankrupt. She was forbidden by her father to marry that man, Allan Melvill, Herman's father. She did anyway, Allan Melvill tried to make a successful business and went into bankruptcy. The couple had eight kids...oh lord... you know that is trouble...too many mouths to feed and no money.
Allan Melvill's father -in-law could have helped his daughter financially to get back on their feet, he could have helped his grandchildren, but he did not. In fact her father cut her out of the will for disobeying him. The relatives on that side of the family stopped seeing them at all. Allan Melvill changed the family name spelling to Melville with an"e" to throw creditors off the trail.
Where have I heard this story before? Marrying against a father's wishes and being cut out of the will?
Now Herman, Allan's son, proposed to a wife that came from a wealthier family," that loved and valued his children. This woman was told not to marry Herman. The reasons were the same, Herman did not come from a "good" family, his family had neither money or education, he could not support her (A writer is not a assured income) She married him anyway for love.
When Herman went into bankruptcy he too had several children, but his own siblings offered housing and gave them money. When he and his wife needed more money, "her" father forgave her, helped them buy a house, and advised them in financial matters. His father-in-law did not cut his daughter out of his will. This is a family that loves one another more than money.
The story as old as time? So much of decision making about any marital union even today is based on opinions by objective bystanders. But most young women or men are not objective when they are in love, they will run into the arms of one another rather than listen to anyone tell her/him not to marry the other, every time. Many country songs are written about this kind of unbridled passion.
The objections are only reflected upon by the young unsuspecting newlyweds later, when the money runs out, many times so does the affection and respect. This may take years, but when it does, what follows is the true test for love. Money does not make a marriage last we see this with all the divorces reported of the wealthy in the news.
How can this be fixed? Do we want to fix the family? Today we have choices, lots of them.
But what choices do children have, if any?
Can parents find ways to peacefully compromise without divorce and can we teach children the kindness of true love that lasts a lifetime? Are we so focused on being right, having the last word, we can't slow down and find a way to agree to disagree?
Are we building a stronger society or making it weaker?
These are just thoughts I always drift to when hearing of family trials and hardships whether from a tour guide in a museum, read in a book, or real life. Everyone in every century, every family, has identical tribulations and deals with it, indeed there is no other choice.
Recently I heard someone suggest this,
"What if we make war illegal?" ~ a woman celebrity~ if I don't reveal her name we can't dismiss her based on her political views.
and I thought, now there's an idea worth thinking about. Let's start with marriage...
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