Who Do You Trust?

Who do you trust?

The study of thought or feeling is like the question, ‘Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Now we know there is an egg, and unless fertilized, there will be no chicken. 

Depending on the scientist or guru you select as your authority figure, these will influence your opinion and action. If you read and listen to as many as I have, you can find contradictions between all of them on the same idea.  Fortunately, I trust my opinion most of all. In truth, I have had to change my mind on what I believe is the truth throughout my life.  Science has made this change a few times. Other times, I go with “my body, my choice, and freedom to choose what is right for me.”   Scientists and spiritual leaders outside of me DO NOT guide me. Freedom to live as I see fit without harming another is fundamental to me. Ultimately I decide what I believe, and I choose how I act. I love to serve others.

From making a diet change to herbal medicines, natural remedies for my health are always my go-to. I avoid artificial pharmaceuticals at all costs.  If the prolonged sickness is making a life or death threat to me, then and only then do I seek the medical doctor. Our natural immune system is the most potent medicine in any human being. Artificial pharmaceuticals are last on the list of things to do. Our children have been raised the same, address diet, no fast food on regular routine, low sugar treats, and exercise. As a mother, water was given every night in their bottle for bedtime. I have had many a baby bottle flung at me once the baby tasted the water.  I retrieved the bottle, and although I knew the baby did not understand me, I kindly returned the bottle to the baby again and again. Sometimes the baby dropped it on the floor, and the baby went to sleep. Later, the baby would take the water bottle. Good!

Water is excellent for the human body.  Juice bottles can rot the teeth and should not be given anytime.  *TIP: If the juice is given, it needs to be cut in half with water.

So our family is very health conscious and aware that the human body can heal itself. Smoking and alcohol were eliminated from our diets. When the children were born, these toxic substances were not being consumed by their parents in front of the children to influence the children to adopt these poisonous substances as acceptable adult behavior. If you have had an alcoholic parent or addict as a relative, you learn the harms these cause to the family structures first hand. We experienced this.

Pharmaceuticals are poison introduced in small doses and can help at times. Thankful for prescriptions when we know their place,  at the end of the physical defense line, END of the line, not a first go-to.  Wise, wise men and women of our past have known this for centuries.

If you are interested in returning to your ROOTS, seek, and you will find books on herbal medicines our ancestors worldwide used in place of modern pharmaceuticals.  A few suggestions are vegetable juicing, acupuncture, essential oils, meditations, aromatherapy, active release therapy for pinched nerves, etc.

The beautiful thing is you choose the things that work for you and you believe. In this natural nurturing of your own body,  peace will be found in balance with nature in your mind and body. Be kind to yourself. If peace is to be, it begins with me. Thankful to know of the natural healing of the human mind and body.

The Best of Life is Mine

You and you alone can give yourself the best in your present moment. 

Years ago I decided to save $300 every year to spend on my birthday with one caveat, it had to be spent on anything I loved but thought was a foolish waste of money. For example, I bought an expensive leather purse, lessons to do anything new I wanted to try from parachuting to embroidery classes, a designer pair of shoes, one outfit, (shoes not included), an expensive dinner for one, me, a piece of jewelry, one bottle of perfume, travel out of town to a live play, or one night in a five-star hotel. I got excited every time. At last, I could luxuriate in a whirlpool bath with the Epson salts I bought for $5 from a local department store. (BTW these Epson salt baths can cost $100 in a spa)  Sometimes I would stay in a $200 a night hotel and save $100 to order room service and enjoy that meal in a beautiful room while reading a book. My world was my oyster.

When I left home as a single woman working to support myself I had less money but I saved $60 for the gas to go to the beach every month for a weekend getaway from work. Sleeping in my car, and enjoying the walks on the beach was worth the trip. I always saved just enough money to treat myself to a $5 brunch on the boardwalk before heading home Sunday. My life was wonderful! It helps that I prefer being alone with my thoughts and a good book. 

If you plan throughout the year and save $5 there and $20 there you can save. Ways to save a little each day? One can make your coffee and lunch at home before you go to work.  Decide to limit your dinners out, limit how many times you go to the movies, etc, $300 can be easily saved when you plan.  $300 may not be much to you but to me it was extravagant! 

When you are brought up by depression-era parents/grandparents, they think spending money on anything 'not on sale' is wasteful. Some of these depression-era people worked hard and found a way to overcome the poverty mentality, others did not. But I decided as an adult to provide a few of these luxuries to myself no matter what my finances. In the process, I learned that taking care of yourself in every way builds confidence in you and your ability to survive in this world.

Now I am older and raised a family using my frugal mindset to give our family the best. My husband has done the same, we always gave our children more than we were given. It has been a joy. The best of life was given to them when we gave them two parents that truly loved them and stayed together through good times and bad with comfortable (sometimes uncomfortable) compromises to live as a family.

All these years later with many adventures and luxuries enjoyed with my Sweetheart, we slow down because we want to. So I thought I would share some ideas of simple luxuries that don't cost much that anyone can give to yourself if you are on a budget. First, make a plan to save.

1) If you like anything from a baseball glove to a silver cup, search for these at flea markets or antique stores and buy a cheap one. Restore it if need be but use it every day. This can bring a smile to your face every time you see it or use it. 

2) If you visit a museum and see an item you like but cannot afford to buy now or see anyone doing something you'd like to try, (skydiving) make a plan. Get creative and improvise a way to do it too?  For example, I rode by a castle, I saw the gardens and a table with chairs out on the lawn. I thought, "Would it not be wonderful to have a picnic out there?"  So I found a park, packed a picnic, and set out a card table and chair with a beautiful tablecloth (The tablecloth I had purchased at a consignment shop.) I added the silver-plated teacup, $3, and embroidered cloth napkin for $2, which I purchased at an antique store. I dined outdoors using these antique, but quality items as I ate a peanut butter sandwich on a beautiful lawn. If you close your eyes, you are at the castle.

3) Years later I visited inside that castle and truth be known it was not what was on the inside that was most beautiful to me but the land and views out the windows. We all can look out the window (That's free) if only we open our eyes to the beauty that surrounds us now.  It is a lovely planet we live upon.

You get the idea, now what can you give yourself right now that is the best of life? What smaller thing have you always wanted?  Hunt for it and be excited to find it. Buy an imitation of that item until you can buy the real item. Start out little and watch the bigger things come into your life because you make a plan and take action.  Life will change, it will get better. It always does if you keep going. Be patient, content, and grateful.

Today to make my life easier, I inserted three gold hooks on my chairside table to hold my glasses, my earphones, and my back scratcher. (This is where I sit daily to write.) These little changes will make my life easier. Ok, Ok, Ok, you caught me...the back scratcher was bought from the Thomas Jefferson museum gift shop and it definitely cost too much for a back scratcher but it makes me happy!  But hey, I deserve the best and so do you! Don't sweat the small stuff but enjoy these when you can!

Thankful to know we all deserve the best of life and can give it to ourselves if we only open our eyes, make an effort and get creative. We are grateful every day for everyone, however, we prefer positive attitudes with creative ideas that innovate and serve a purpose outside of ourselves to improve the world. Grateful, positive mindsets make all the difference in every life. To surround ourselves with people that maintain positive attitudes and grateful hearts in our inner circle of trust is our preference now. Life is short, we intend to enjoy the rest of it.

Kind, compassionate, grateful people replace the "things" we value most of all. It seems one has to be older and wiser to slow down and be thankful today. Everything is better than it was a hundred years ago. Slow down and think, you'll get excited and thankful too.

 

Love Apparent

It took me decades to uncover self-love and self-respect. The powerful attitudes of winning in life were buried deep inside me beneath hurt and betrayal. We are born winners with innate selfless, kind abilities that can be nurtured or destroyed by the adults and attitudes surrounding us in our childhood. Many of us know this by experience, yet we choose to forgive and love others anyway. People are resilient like that, and it is a wonderful phenomenon that saves the world.

The foundational years (birth to ten years old) lay a blueprint for our lives and are best taught by the two biological parents that "chose" to have you. Children love their natural parents, be they good or bad examples. This deep-rooted genuine love from a child to a parent is a gift to the parents whether the parent earns it or not.

The definition of "Love" was taught there in childhood to each of us. In dysfunctional families, we learned faulty definitions of love. 

As children, we must now learn healthy definitions of love in adulthood through trial and error to correct our faulty assumptions. The world does not protect us from suffering. We have to do that for ourselves. To trust anyone when you are naive is dangerous. To trust others once you are wise is to be ready to take on the adult world because you know no matter what comes, you will land on your feet. 

One has to live about three decades (Thirtyish) to develop your independence emotionally and financially to become "wise enough" to navigate the dating world.

Many older women and men have learned the hard way and now advise: DO NOT get intimate, have a child, or get married when you are in your teens or early twenties. These years are transitional years to find yourself. Most divorces and regrets can be avoided if you first grow up emotionally, finish school, find your career, save money, and travel before settling down with one person, including a child. Get good at being content "alone" and providing for yourself. (I could have used these guidelines before dating, now I give these to you to protect your heart. You can't hurry true love.)

In my travels, I have learned a thing or two that will help you NOT get caught in traps with people that will make false promises and toss you to the side. Here are some actions you can observe BEFORE you get involved with anyone to set personal boundaries to protect your mind, body, and heart. There is more to this wonderful life than getting married or becoming a parent. Both marriage and parenthood need to be entered into after much responsible contemplation, not a result of an unplanned pregnancy or the "expected" thing to do.

February is the month of LOVE, so I decided to share a more precise definition of what I have come to believe is genuine love in action. Someone that will hurt or betray you does NOT love you. Learn to recognize these obvious traits of deception BEFORE you become involved with anyone and save yourself a lifetime of heartache. "Genuine Love" has apparent characteristics that can be observed too. 

Please slow down, look closely at her/his actions, listen to the words to determine the motives of the person you are dating. If you are not ready to settle down with your ONE and ONLY, you will not recognize true love when it arrives. True love is not found in the fast lane while growing up.

When you know you are valuable, you will set boundaries of self-respect that will guide you through many dud dates to find one true love that will last your lifetime.

Hint: Marrying your "platonic" best friend can be the best decision you'll ever make. If you are best friends BEFORE you move in together, this friendship will be more sustainable while you both pursue your dreams. TOGETHER it is easier to survive the storms of life that will undoubtedly come with a best friend by your side. Let love come to you; no need to chase it.

Here are a few characteristics to look for in a best friend/mate. We do not claim to know everything but this list will help some of you, I'm sure.

Love is NOT…

Love is NOT manipulative,

Love is NOT controlling,

Love is NOT gaslighting (Presenting a false narrative to confuse and control you)

Love is NOT cheating,

Love is NOT lying,

Love is NOT stealing,

Love is NOT competitive,

Love is NOT verbal degradation,

Love is NOT threatening abuse,

Love is NOT physical abuse,

Love is NOT neglectful,

Love is NOT co-dependent on another,

Love is NOT USING anyone for selfish purposes,

Love IS…

Love IS LISTENING to understand and give validation to the other person's opinion,

Love IS SUPPORTING a different opinion you did not originate,

Love IS OPENLY discussing disagreements if need be; agreeing to disagree,

Love IS AN OPEN HEART to accept differences,

Love IS GIVING ATTENTION to the one loved,

Love IS BEING PRESENT physically and emotionally when needed,

Love IS ACCEPTING our differences,

Love IS CELEBRATING your love's success,

Love IS BEING SILENT at times,

Love IS SUPPORTIVE OF YOUR MATE'S DREAMS,

Love IS GIVING ADVICE IF ASKED,

Love IS INDEPENDENT,

Love IS TAKING CARE OF YOUR CHILDREN FIRST,

Love IS SETTING "PERSONAL" BOUNDARIES to give respect and receive respect.

It starts with two people ready to be devoted to ONE another to experience unity, preferring to be faithful in every way. Equals, each has self-love and self-respect BEFORE becoming engaged. In our relationship (44 years and counting) we embrace diversity. We respect differences. We welcome calm, factual debates of exploring our thoughts together. Often we agree to disagree but never on the basics of being kind and compassionate morally. To learn to trust life without constant suffering is to discover the joy of being an adult and thinking for yourself and then living without being a victim.

If the world is a friendly place, it must start inside me. Thinking for myself and setting boundaries to choose wisely is mandatory. Thankful to have made it this far and share some wisdom with you freely. 

When "LOVE is APPARENT," a lifetime is a joy to share with your true love.

"Your life is a gift to the world." ~MJN

BTW: My husband helped me make this list for you. 

Happy New Year 2021, Living the Dream

This year instead of external goals such as money, weight, and finding love how about we dare to LIVE THE DREAM we often allude to but rarely chase? Let's make a promise to navigate whatever comes with an internal view to find positive actions within ourselves to create a path to live our dream. When we believe in ourselves we can find a way. When we are confident and at peace with ourselves we find common ground with others. We find a way when it seems there is no way. All life is resilient.

Thankful to know the world of humans can be a peaceful collection of diversity when we look deeper than the external appearances of opposition. Every day people want the same things, self-sovereignty, peace, and freedom, a simple formula to live our dream. Years of self -dissection and discovery I have come to know, external peace is rarely attained collectively but internally we can choose peace thought by thought, moment by moment.  

How to live free? The secret is to exercise self-sovereignty by controlling our thoughts. Peace is achieved by daring to independently think positively against all odds. Freedom is accomplished by making plans mentally to put into action now, if only on paper. Internal peace, no one can take away.  

"Grateful attitudes and positive outlooks always win the moment, the day, the year, and life. We, the people will rise."

"Be careful of your thoughts, for your thoughts become your words. Be careful of your words, for your words become your actions. Be careful of your actions, for your actions become your habits. Be careful of your habits, for your habits become your character. Be careful of your character, for your character becomes your destiny." -- Chinese proverb, author unknown

The Best is Yet To Be

 On January 1, 2020, I dived into the lake's icy waters, 37 degrees, not as cold as I had hoped. Now I am an official member of the Polar Bear Club of Lake George! Little did I know that this year would be as exciting as the cold waters of the lake! As we all know, life is full of surprises, and if you do not want things to change, you are on the wrong planet. To this, we toast to life and change! The wonder of being alive.                                                                                        

As kind, compassionate people who are supportive, closely knit, and self-reliant, we are equipped to navigate together this journey of surprises.  Nothing short of this phenomenon has brought many fathers, mothers, friends, children, young and old, together like the past months.  Friends and families holding on to one another providing safe harbors while finding safety together through these unusual days have been and will continue to be a fantastic thing to witness. Every day people are full of heart and generosity to help each other. The world's people will love one another and stand together as we always do in hard times. We see our love in action every day!        

                                                                                                                      

Eleven Lovely Reasons to be Thankful

Every Thanksgiving, I write "Eleven Lovely Things." This year my focus is what I treasure most as a citizen of the United States of America TODAY.

1) USA is the melting pot of the world, we have always had every nationality of the world here, since the creation of this "government for the people by the people," welcome.

2) USA protects every person's chosen religion to worship peacefully side by side in         this country, harmony.

3) USA has every ethnic food from the world over available prepared by native chefs, delicious. 

4) USA has a U.S. Constitution that gives every citizen here the protection to protest peacefully, a voice.

5) USA allows every person to create personal wealth if you work and seek it, prosperity.

6) USA protects every citizen to live without domestic violence in this country's homes. If you use the law to protect your family, it is here, safety.

7) USA gives women, children, and men protection by law from predators, chivalry.

8) USA  gives citizens, both men and women, the legal right to choose who they love and who to marry; you are respected as an individual.

9) USA allows everyone to choose their lifestyle with protection to live it, and therefore there is no need to impose different opinions on others, personal autonomy.

10) USA gives the people freedom to choose education, vocation, and location to live, individuality.

11) USA is the land of the free since 1776 because of the individual freedom-loving citizens.  The leaders elected with the voices of the people, created The Declaration of Independence and The U.S.Constitution.

That document was created for the people of this land.  It was not designed to rule the world. The people that live here are the protectors of that document. The elected public servants here respect that document and pass laws that serve the people and this country first and foremost as outlined in those documents. So far, it has worked well and given room for improvements as progress would dictate.  

USA is not perfect, it never will be, but we journey on to seek how to promote freedom through individual self-sovereignty. It works; time has proved it works. The free people's evolution means we are united in purpose, live free, and die free.

Life is a gift; to live free is a bonus.

As a country, we , the people are kindhearted and give of our prosperity to the world in need. 

More people come to live in this country every year than any other country in the world to have civility and peaceful self-sovereignty. Stand up, speak up to remain free. Free people have courage and faith. Good always wins if you keep standing for it. 

If you don't know your Declaration of Independence or the U.S. Constitution and Bill of Rights, you will not recognize it if these are trodden upon or taken from you.       Get a copy of these and study daily. It is your life and country. 

"Your life is a gift to the world." 

What will I give to make it better? If peace is to be, it must begin with me. Kindness and compassion is my responsibility.

Thankful this day and every day for every person on earth.  We all love one another, we just don't know it yet, but it is coming into focus. Every day can be a Thanksgiving Day if we make peace with the past and keep moving forward. There is no other way but forward together. 

 

Two Innate Fears, All Other Fears Are Learned

Science has proven we are born with the fear of loud noises and the fear of falling.  Therefore all other fears are learned. If someone you trust tells you something that triggers your fear response, you react. But how you react is your choice.

The three fear responses are fight, flight, or freeze, and all of these are helpful short term for your safety, but to stay in any of these twenty-four-seven will break down your nerves, and stress will set in. Stress creates a compromised immune system, and that is an environment for disease.  Science proves that the ability to control your emotions and calm your nerves is the best medicine to promote healing to the body and make more straightforward decisions.

What remedy you choose to calm down is your choice. Do you go for alcohol, drugs, food, work harder, longer hours? What is your "go-to" to quell your "learned fear?"  Mine is turn off all TV, movie, loud music, turn off social media, and move away from negative attitudes from people around me, and go inside with meditation and gratefulness for everything I have now in my life. I choose what I listen to, who I listen to, and what I feel, not the world outside of me. 

Fear is useful, but I put a time limit on my anxiety. There is a deadline that I choose to stop worrying. If I stop worrying and have no answers, I keep meditating or do an activity that gets my mind in a calmer state. Exercise, walking out in nature, or listening to a teacher's lecture that I admire; Byron Katie Mitchell, Eckhart Tolle, Pema Chodron, Lisa Romano, Jordan Peterson, so many more, all of these have free videos on YouTube. These teachers do not freak out; they do not have panic attacks; they control their emotions. My goal in life is to control my feelings to live a balanced life. How I achieve this is to watch where I focus my thoughts. .

Indeed, you will not get the answers from the media. It is also sure that sitting in front of Netflix and eating pizza all day and night day will NOT help you. YOU have to change your focus mentally and your diet physically. YOU alone.

Recently I was enjoying music and meditating at night, and I fell asleep. I began to dream horrible, disruptive thoughts. Finally, I was so distressed I woke up. When I awakened, I pulled the earphones out of my ears, and the loud arguing was STILL going on in my head. It distressed me terribly. I pulled on my ears and could not shut off the destructive arguing I heard. Then I ACTUALLY woke up. Accidentally the "autoplay" was turned on in my iPhone, and it went to the news without my permission.

If dreams give any message, I supposed it to be this:

"Just because I stopped listening to destructive news, the stress was still in my mind after I turned it off because my mind could not forget the instant replay of negative news."

I could not control my thoughts while plugged into fearful reporting via autoplay in my iPhone.

To remedy this, I now put my meditation CD in my player with earphones. It is good to unhook from the digital internet as much as possible, and we must focus on the things we need to do to be safe during these uncertain times and begin to think of how to create a livelihood. To do this, one must be calm, collected, and open to new ideas.

News channels have to take the negative and rare events to get the public's attention or who would tune in day after day?  Negative news channels prey on your fears. In fact, they count on it. Clicks are money in the pockets for newscasters, and if fear is planted in your thoughts, you're trapped!

Learn to think for yourself with reason and logic. Do your research, get the facts straight. It takes work to learn how to be responsible for your life and detect lies. The good news is you were built to think and choose what is truth. You can do this!

Read books and get off technology as much as possible. Learn to think for yourself. Your mind is the most valuable tool you have, do not let anyone steal your mind away from positive words to keep your brain and body healthy. It is the one thing we all can do, no matter what is going on in the outside world...choose what we think.

Thankful to know this now. It took me years to discover I was responsible for my thoughts and actions. I am in control of me, not my past, not my neighbor, not the media, me. I choose peace. Your life is a gift t the world.