Let Our Existence Be a Rebellion

Stories of family dynamics fascinate me.  As revealed in my earlier posts I came from a family that had low expectations and little self-esteem.  The result was kids that could not wait to leave home. We kids ran amuck blindly in the world trying to find a way to fit in this chaotic world.  None of us knew anything but Bible verses that did not give clarity to our young minds.  So we sinned, damnation and hell fire were not enough to stop us.  And we paid the price of those decisions.

Now another family dynamic I know of, did not let up on the children until the children did what Mom and Dad accomplished or asked.  Go to the same college, go into the military, practice that violin 4-6 hours a day, become a dentist, a doctor, a lawyer, something with prestige and status that all the world and the family will be proud of, climb a mountain, do something "ordinary people don't do," climb Mt. Everest, (That is a mountain to be proud of) and if you don't...you are not worthy of your culture, heritage, religion, family, expectations.  You are not worth celebrating. 

Wow which would I choose of the two extremes?  Some of us don't get to choose, most don't.  We are brainwashed in every environment we are raised in and we learn self-image early, good or bad, pressured or unsupervised, we learn. We can't choose, it is what it is to a child.

What this thinking does not teach you is that when you value only the degrees and accomplishments of yourself and others, you judge others as well.  The people I admire are people who have accomplished many things stage, any degree, certification, homemaker, policeman, gas station attendant, cashiers, retail, artist, nurses, receptionist, hostess, maintenance engineer, teacher, business owners, etc. and found their niche/happiness and in the process... 

That all persons as equally important in their duties, we are one.

People, all people, I have loved them since I was born. I truly see everyone as a good acquaintance and welcome their influence on me until their actions prove otherwise.  Then I set boundaries.  I don't judge them as unnecessary, I judge that we have nothing to offer one another, if common ground of respect of differences and an eagerness to learn from one another is not there, I am wasting my time and theirs. Angry, yelling, threatening people seeing no good in others whatsoever are not productive and interest me the least. I'm so tired of being angry, I want peace. It starts with me.

Time cannot be replaced, who I spend my time with can.  It takes a long internal examination of both of us for me to become friends with someone.  Friends are sacred to me.

I love and respect children. They have no preconceived ideas of anger or bitterness, no baggage yet, so eager to learn science and how things work, so easily entertained with play dough and paints. Kids get so amazed at a high light marker, (Me too).  Their simplicity of wonder needs to be preserved for their lifetime, to unplug and play as an adult is such a wonderful thing.  It can make you happy, it can give you a mini-vacation in your hectic day.  I still spin around in an office chair when no one is looking.  😁  

Pressure to perform, pressure from family to perform, pressure to carry on traditions/rituals you don't agree with or enjoy, pressure to be responsible is "no freedom" or "fun." 

To perform because you choose to perform, to be responsible because you love others and you choose to take care because you enjoy having a significant other and friends that support your endeavors and fun activities together...Priceless!  You choose, pressure gone, this is nice!

If your goal is to be happy and in a healthy relationship it is available to us all. You don't need to analyze everything to death to prove you are wrong or right, you need to relax.  When you truly love someone, see things from their point of view.  Sleep on it.  Take up the discussion with renewed thinking after a meal, a good night's rest, smoke a peace pipe, go for a walk, unplug, see your life in the bigger picture, see the other person's life in a bigger picture, choose to agree to disagree. You don't need lofty accomplishments or another seminar, (Maybe YOU do), you need a heart and confidence that to be you is enough and to be the other person is enough for him/her too.  YouTube seminars and videos are free, books are free, and we can take advantage of these for free. You don’t need money to become educated, peace loving or free in your mind, you need only a desire to achieve the peace you seek.

An angry relative called me, "A simpleton" once because I did not feed into his rage.  What he was not aware of is this; I see his rage, and raise him two kindnesses, to unplug from angry situations the world of war and constant argument is my way.  “Defense is the first act of war” ~ Byron Katie.  I want peace. To have peace does not mean you let someone walk all over you. But that is another blog another day...

Therapist On Speed Dial?

Following a few bloggers I get a kick out of the ones that face a crisis and head for the phone to call a therapist, they just happen to have one on speed dial.  Some of these bloggers are quick to tell you they have an Ivy League education or this accomplishment, author, doctor, lawyer, scientist, teacher, etc., yet when a personal situation presents they can't get passed it unless they call a therapist on speed dial.  

The idea of sitting with it, listening to the other person and practicing patience is out! They want an answer now and not from the other person!

The rest of us, those that don't have a therapist on speed dial or are used to figuring things out for ourselves have to practice patience.  Listen to our friend, spouse, our children, and find ways to make peace with them.  The rest of us search to access new information through observation, friends, study and apply what we learn on our own through life experiences.  (YouTube has many, many, free seminars and books online to listen to for free and my favorite www.thework.com by Byron Katie, did I mention this was free?)

Learning to meditate daily to calm the mind, learning to respond and not react, came to me through listening to Pema Chodren, Thich Nhat Hanh, Deepak Chopra, Dali Lama, etc.  But I had to do the practice daily until I learned to be patient.  I found I had so much anger to placate, it took some time.

Eckhart Tolle A New World is an interesting study to check out "collective consciousness." It took me some time to become part of the waking world, a process I continue daily.  I understand now when Buddha taught it is harder for a wealthy person to awaken than one that has no wealth.  If you have worked so hard to become a title, to achieve a position, to have more than most, you do not easily want to give up an identity you have slaved years to obtain.  Yet it is in the giving up, you find yourself peaceful...Eckhart's teaching not mine.

And then there is good old "sticktoitness" that makes me look within to see things from the other person's point of view.  Probably the biggest help I received from studying Buddhism is to accept that "in every situation I find myself, what part did I play in it?"  Taking responsibility for every aspect of my life, the good and the bad really helped me to see my big ego that likes to be right daily.

Anyway, for the rest of us, I'm saying, we can achieve the same successful results without speed dial therapists, many of us have to do the work ourselves.  We can figure this life out, the answers are within, wherever we find it, good.  It is for free, all roads lead to the same truth.  We don't need speed dial therapist or another seminar, we need to look within. The mind has wonderful reasoning tools when you use it.

Pajama Party Every Night with my Best Friend, Yes!

The first clue I see in anything I read or hear as being dangerous to completely believe is this phrase, "This is the only way” or "This is the best..."  I have come to see that for anyone to claim this is to judge that any other way is not viable or good.  This cannot be true.  I'll tell you why.

The KJV of the Bible teaches homosexuality is wrong. Many Christians believe that this Bible is "the only truth."  Christians have brainwashed themselves to believe "the only way to God is through confessing JC as your lord and savior."

But... I had a baby.  I was so in love with this little fellow that I knew nothing in heaven or earth would ever separate me from the love I have for him.  As I held this precious little human in my arms, I began to create scenarios of life to see if I could see any scenario that I would not love him, disown him, or not try to help him, I could not find one.  If I could love my son if he told me he was gay, how could God not love him too?  I am not greater than God. The KJV is not "the only truth." (Has to be faulty because it was written by humans) 

In books that Harvard Grads, scientists like Einstein, doctors like Dr. Dyer write, or Gandhi, Sister Teresa, the Pope, everyone gets caught up in the degrees, the universities, the position of power, worldly accomplishments, we tend to believe everything they write or say, but this is not necessary to find your own path of peace.  They do not have "the only way." We are as great as each of these people with or without the titles and accomplishments or books they write.

Sometimes when I hear another story of all the great sacrifice and travel to another spiritual teacher to find their peace, it exhausts me. Some of these intellectuals travel for years, spend lots of money, work hard to get another degree, spend hours in silence, go without food, to find their peace when it is as close as a thought. Intellectuals are wonderful to have conversations with, I learn so much from them, however, except for memorizing history from other books they study, they regurgitate their version of what has already been written or found as truth. "Nothing new under the sun."

Some have such a complicated road back from addictions and violence that we all "need not" follow their path.  Their path is not "the only way."  Some of their path is so complicated and unnatural, that they lose sight of just being present in the moment in a feeling of acceptance.  Truth is simple.  To seek the truth is simple when you have patience to seek it, and decide not to be self-destructive with addictions in the pursuit of it.

Separation of our self, believing we are a separate being such as "Body and Soul" is another way of dividing us one from another.  To see yourself as a whole, not separate, but to realize we do things that are harmful to our self and others would naturally lead us to examining our thoughts.  Thoughts lead to actions, actions lead to outcomes.  The outcomes tell us if we are on the right road or need to get new information to travel another road. If we keep trying until we achieve the success we seek, we will learn how to get there. Many roads to the top of the mountain, at the top is the same truth.

The book I just finished The Seat of the Soul by Gary Zukav, has its own definition of friendship and teaches marriage is not a friendship. It should be a commitment to a "spiritual partnership" or it will not last. A friendship says he, "Is to make you feel good, not honest feedback."  That is why he believes most marriages fail.  

Ok I hear you Gary, but I have often said, "I do not have a lot of friends because friends are sacred to me.  A friend is someone who will be with you through good times and bad.  A friend is someone who will always be there no matter what, help you get on the right track when you are off it, never give up on you.  A friend celebrates your successes and holds your hand when you fail, a friend loves to spend time with you every chance they get. A friend to me is a rare thing. If you have one in this life you are lucky, to find two is a miracle” ~LMS

Acquaintances are people you hang out with at a party, dance with for fun at a lounge/bar, go out to eat with you for jokes and meaningless conversations that entertain but go nowhere.  Acquaintances travel on tour boats together, go to concerts with you, play golf with you, go to sporting events, drink beer with you on Superbowl Sunday, acquaintances can be fun short term but a FRIEND is something special to me.  I do not have many friends but I have many acquaintances. Good folks these acquaintances, needed for good times but unreliable in bad times.  Acquaintances can suck the life out of you if you do not set boundaries.  These people are affectionately known as "Psychic Vampires."  Beware their bite! You may be unhappy if you marry one.

I have learned that I have been a "friend" to acquaintances and those people did not last long in my life.  I thought we have been through good times and bad times, I helped every way I can only to find when they no longer needed my help, and they never contacted me again. This made me sad.  After years of experiencing helping others, I see I need to set boundaries with acquaintances.  But to do this I have to define what an acquaintance looks like.  There are people unlike me who will use anyone to get what they want.  These are so afraid they cannot help themselves that they leaned on me and I gave too much at times.

I am not saying I would not help an acquaintance I am saying I would not put my emotional expectations on such a person for that person cannot or will not reciprocate the same to me.

Back to this book...To disagree with this Harvard grad, oh my! I married my best friend.  I did not marry him to complete me, I knew no one can do that long before that Jerry McGuire movie was made.  That line in the movie made me and others gag when we heard it. Hollywood movies do not define the public's morals even though Hollywood may think so.  

Yes there are many of us that think for ourselves, do not need to go to another spiritual retreat to hear the truth.  We do not need to discuss in great detail how to communicate to the one we love and define our relationship with a therapist.  Thank God, if life were that complicated to all of us we all could not find the truth. 

So to books written by these complicated intellectuals I say, thank goodness you found your release from your destructive behaviors, and may your book help others such as you, but for me, I do not need explanations of reincarnation or karma to live a good life. I do not need to see animals going extinct as a way of telling humans to care for the environment. I see I want to take care of the planet and be a peaceful person that cares and helps when I can because I have a good conscious and want to. So do many of us.

Some people cannot find their way without a therapist on speed dial, a specific road map, another seminar, another religious guru, another spiritual experience, another therapist session, another book to define every detail of their relationship and what a good one looks like and a bad one looks like. So afraid of just living taking the good, the bad, the ugly, and finding the silver lining of learning in every situation, being patient.  

My way is not "the only way," my way is to believe you will find your way to peace in your time in your way. I found mine through reading many books and deciding for myself what truth leads me to my inner peace. One theme throughout the discovery of truth for everyone seems to be a situation that we discover is bad, and we are completely out of control of it.  It's called "surrender." I surrendered without outward addictions, my addiction was automatic negative thinking. I'm still working on it... Namaste.

Artists Need Time and Isolation to Create

James Taylor gives a wonderful lifetime of wisdom on Oprah's Master Class, You Tube.  He speaks of creating music not as the creator but says it comes to him through his subconscious and he is the first one to hear the song.

He shares that artists need to get used to being alone, isolation, time, is needed to create your work. If isolation is not your thing, get used to it, you are strong, you can do it, you need to, in order to make your art.

As a writer my entire life I started writing when I was in elementary school, this and drawing.  Neither of these skills were valued by my family, I was not encouraged to do either.  I was told I could not make a living doing this, the message was, "Don't try, it will never amount to anything."  Like so many other ideas, I was not encouraged to continue, and in time learned even though there was nothing I really could do well,  I could not stop writing or drawing.

Teachers in elementary years recognized my talent in both areas and I won classroom creative writing assignment but my parents were never impressed.  One teacher in second grade gave me the honor of doing a hallway school Easter bulletin board.  I can still see that bulletin board and how happy I was to be given free range to create it.  My parents knew about this bulletin board but did not go to school to see it.  Once again, no support or encouragement from home.

I spent a lot of time alone as a child of 7 y o growing up.  In those days kids were sent outside to play until dinner, no hanging around the house but I was not lonely. I was thinking and imagining wonderful things as I played outside and caught huge spiders, fireflies, and June bugs.  Much time spent in the present moment enjoying being alive, watching clouds turn into animals, stars light up a night sky, nature and time alone was time well spent. I was an artist but I did not know it.

In adulthood I learned to work to pay bills, buy my own food, put a roof over my own head.  And for years I did not paint or draw or writer until I got married.  My husband made my life much easier to live and have time to write and draw and paint. He encouraged it. He and my father-in-law loved my art, and my stories. My father-in-law bought me a word processor so I could write the books I dreamed of writing.  I always remember that about him.  He was not even my father and he encouraged me to write.

What I could not know as a young bride was the time it would take to be a part of another family that was constantly unhappy. There was drama every family gathering and after weeks that turned into years of this drama, we decided to leave the farm, to find our own peace of mind.  Leaving the farm was not easy, coming back was hard too.  

Learning to be alone with my husband even though we lived 5 miles from his family was what we had to do.  I found that nothing will squelch your creativity or independent nature more than having to continuously be in a family drama.  We needed time, space, and isolation from such anger to explore who we were and what we wanted out of life, so we separated from the family.  We loved them but the drama was suffocating and not conducive to anyone moving forward in their dreams.

As the babies began to be here and we both fell in love with raising the children and focusing on making our family sweet and supportive we found time for any creative process for me was darn near impossible.  Keeping a household going and playing and feeding children was all consuming and I loved it. With our children I had a chance to make their childhood wonderful and we were going to do it.  I found time here and there to write and create art.

Now the children are grown and live far away.  I once again find time on my side.  I can write, I can create art, I can be silent, I can let words come up from subconscious and hear them for the first time on paper in a blog I call, "The Quail Writer."

You Don't Need Religion to Become Peaceful

Sharon Brous did a recent Ted talk "It's Time to Reclaim Religion."  She is a Rabbi of the Jewish faith. She explores the extremist of all religions to point out that as violence can be the interpretation of one perspective of any religion, the opposite is the justice and peace that are foundational to all religions.  She is on this mission not only for her religion but unite all religions, all people.  She and a other female religious leaders have started a movement to interpret the rituals, the verses, from a peaceful, healing interpretation that results in world peace.  She shares her four steps (You can hear her talk and write down the steps on You Tube Ted Talks) the first step "Wakefulness."

She wants all people to know that every atrocity that is happening on this earth must be witnessed and felt to "do" something about it yourself. She believes people are numb to violence and must see the suffering of others to become aware of it, to become involved in the solving of the destruction of mankind.  I agree in becoming awake, I disagree in her teaching of the "only way" to wake up is to see the atrocities to become awake. Jewish people are very founded in the five senses and the rituals of that religion.  Matter of fact all religions focus on the five senses and see worship as something to be ritualized by eating certain foods on certain days and even lying prostrate on the ground in an outward sign of their obedience of it.

Recently I saw a posting on Facebook of the joys of motherhood and the proof of our innate "sinful nature" because her toddler took a toy away from another toddler.  I disagree again.

Religion will not work for anyone that is fed up with the rigid rituals and sin consciousness each instills in us unless we buy into being unworthy or a sinner.  If you are not a sinner then you don't need religion to rescue you.  Religion has to make you aware that you are unholy in thought or deed for you to need the saving by the rules and rituals of the religion. What if you were born innocent and good and all your days were filled with creativity and happiness?  What more could we accomplish in our lifetime if we loved one another because we all knew we are good? We all are the chosen ones, we all are one.

Religion and all its outward showing of belief in our church attendance, in judgment of those that do not worship like us, don't love the same sex we approve of, don't dress the way we think we should, causes judgment in an outward five senses way.  We focus on outward, five senses sight of what "perfect" is to us.

What my journey has led me to discover is to be healed of violent actions I must become aware of my thoughts. To become aware of my thoughts is to isolate and delete the world of every single one of my own violent thoughts that are based in prejudice in me, a five senses judgment of others in me.  I do not need to see all the atrocities of everyone else in the world to become involved on a very intimate level of my awareness of it and the part I can play in stopping it. (Byron Katie teaches this best n her book A Thousand Words For Joy.)

For those of us who have been hurt deeply by the judgments coming from our relatives of our being unacceptable or bad because we chose not to follow the crowd but to follow our truth and be free of the crowd, the church, the culture, the race, every five senses rule of living to become our loving peaceful selves, I write for you and me.  There is another way, it is found in your awareness, your becoming awake, of your own thoughts.  Because your own thought are THE ONLY THING YOU HAVE CONTROL OVER.

The truth of harm no one, including yourself becomes abundantly evident in the "awakeness of you, by yourself, examining your thoughts alone" and becoming clear of the root cause, the fear, and rooting these fears out.  It takes work, not another church gathering, not another going to the cross, or the alter, confessing your sins in front of a rabbi, priest or minister, all these five senses outward performances are not needed...Only you becoming aware of the reality you are born with an innate innocent loving nature that it is stolen from us through false teachings of every religion, culture, society, and household, will become loving peaceful people again.

For those of us who do not need another outward ritual service and teaching of what is good, we can find this "wakefulness" inside if we study and seek to find it.  I found it, you can too.

Was it built by slaves? The White House, What else?

"I pray Heaven to bestow the best of blessings on this House, and all that shall hereafter inhabit it. May none but honest and wise men ever rule under this roof."      ~John Adams prayer in a letter to his wife

FDR had this prayer carved into the mantel of the dining room.

It was built by slaves 400-600. No one knows for sure because records of slaves were not considered important to be kept at the time so the exact number cannot be determined. The government paid slave owners to use their slaves, the government did not own slaves.  The construction began in 1792 but it was not ready for occupancy until 1800. John Adams,the 2nd president was the first to live in it.  

The war of 1812 the British ransacked and burned it, it is believed the ships that had the stolen property sank in route to Halifax.  Years later only two items original to the house were returned to the White House, one was the George Washington painting Abigail Adams saved and a jewelry box returned by a Canadian who claimed his father took during the war.

Thomas Jefferson added columns to the front and back to give it a stately Georgian- era southern plantation look. It has 6 levels with two floors underground.

The Smithsonian Institute keeps excess furniture for rotating out when needed. The staff consists of 100 permanent staff and can be hired and fired at will by the first family in residence.  There are 5 chefs.

The White House has a total of 132 rooms. This includes: 35 bathrooms, 412 doors, 147 windows, 28 fireplaces, 8 staircases, and 3 elevators. 2. The White House measures at 55,000-square feet, 70-feet high, 170-feet wide, and 85-feet deep.

And finally if a woman president is elected her husband will be referred to as "The First Gentleman."   He will not most probably be picking out china, choosing menus or flower arrangements for dinners.

What If This IS It? Put your Pencils down

I was driving home after a long day in the evening.  As I looked at the road I caught a glimpse of my right eye in the rear view mirror.

I thought,"What if this is it?

My eye reminded me in the brief moment I saw it of me when I was 20 years old.  Yes I have the same eyes.  In the dark as my mind drifted to thoughts of the warm home waiting for me with a dear husband there to welcome me and ask about my day, I thought...

What if there is no afterlife?  What if there absolutely is not another life to try again?  No reincarnation, no return of any savior, just lights out.

I really got into this thought, I really felt what it is to be completely present not knowing anything else.  Years have rolled by into decades so quickly.  What would I do different tonight and every moment from here on if I knew there was no other chance of doing anything else but what I have done or will do.  Will I do more?  For sure put anger down, cannot carry this, too heavy.

What is there to be angry about? What more can I offer to heal any situation out of my control other than be peaceful, knowing time will pass, events will change with or without me.