Stories of family dynamics fascinate me. As revealed in my
earlier posts I came from a family that had low expectations and little self-esteem.
The result was kids that could not wait to leave home. We kids ran amuck
blindly in the world trying to find a way to fit in this chaotic world.
None of us knew anything but Bible verses that did not give clarity to
our young minds. So we sinned, damnation and hell fire were not enough to
stop us. And we paid the price of those decisions.
Now another family
dynamic I know of, did not let up on the children until the children did what
Mom and Dad accomplished or asked. Go to the same college, go into the
military, practice that violin 4-6 hours a day, become a dentist, a doctor, a
lawyer, something with prestige and status that all the world and the family
will be proud of, climb a mountain, do something "ordinary people don't
do," climb Mt. Everest, (That is a mountain to be proud of) and if you
don't...you are not worthy of your culture, heritage, religion, family,
expectations. You are not worth celebrating.
Wow which would I
choose of the two extremes? Some of us don't get to choose, most don't.
We are brainwashed in every environment we are raised in and we learn self-image
early, good or bad, pressured or unsupervised, we learn. We can't choose, it is
what it is to a child.
What this thinking
does not teach you is that when you value only the degrees and accomplishments
of yourself and others, you judge others as well. The people I admire are
people who have accomplished many things stage, any degree, certification,
homemaker, policeman, gas station attendant, cashiers, retail, artist, nurses,
receptionist, hostess, maintenance engineer, teacher, business owners, etc. and
found their niche/happiness and in the process...
That all
persons as equally important in their duties, we are one.
People, all
people, I have loved them since I was born. I truly see everyone as a good
acquaintance and welcome their influence on me until their actions prove otherwise. Then I set boundaries.
I don't judge them as unnecessary, I judge that we have nothing to offer
one another, if common ground of respect of differences and an eagerness to
learn from one another is not there, I am wasting my time and theirs. Angry,
yelling, threatening people seeing no good in others whatsoever are not
productive and interest me the least. I'm so tired of being angry, I want
peace. It starts with me.
Time cannot be
replaced, who I spend my time with can. It takes a long internal examination of both of us for me
to become friends with someone. Friends are sacred to me.
I love and respect
children. They have no preconceived ideas of anger or bitterness, no baggage
yet, so eager to learn science and how things work, so easily entertained with
play dough and paints. Kids get so amazed at a high light marker, (Me too).
Their simplicity of wonder needs to be preserved for their lifetime, to
unplug and play as an adult is such a wonderful thing. It can make you
happy, it can give you a mini-vacation in your hectic day. I still spin
around in an office chair when no one is looking. 😁
Pressure to
perform, pressure from family to perform, pressure to carry on
traditions/rituals you don't agree with or enjoy, pressure to be responsible is
"no freedom" or "fun."
To perform because
you choose to perform, to be responsible because you love others and you choose
to take care because you enjoy having a significant other and friends that
support your endeavors and fun activities together...Priceless! You
choose, pressure gone, this is nice!
If your goal is to
be happy and in a healthy relationship it is available to us all. You don't
need to analyze everything to death to prove you are wrong or right, you need
to relax. When you truly love someone, see things from their point of
view. Sleep on it. Take up the discussion with renewed thinking
after a meal, a good night's rest, smoke a peace pipe, go for a walk, unplug,
see your life in the bigger picture, see the other person's life in a bigger
picture, choose to agree to disagree. You don't need lofty accomplishments or another
seminar, (Maybe YOU do), you need a heart and confidence that to be you is
enough and to be the other person is enough for him/her too. YouTube seminars
and videos are free, books are free, and we can take advantage of these for
free. You don’t need money to become educated, peace loving or free in your
mind, you need only a desire to achieve the peace you seek.
An angry relative
called me, "A simpleton" once because I did not feed into his rage.
What he was not aware of is this; I see his rage, and raise him two
kindnesses, to unplug from angry situations the world of war and constant
argument is my way. “Defense is the first act of war” ~ Byron Katie. I want peace. To have peace does not mean you
let someone walk all over you. But that is another blog another day...
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