Three Women that Overcame Adversity and Lived By Their Own Rules Successfully

Mae West as she was best known by was born Mary Jane Mae West in Brooklyn, N.Y. in 1893. She like so many women before and after her know how to use "sex" to sell themselves.  It seems this is the universal way of getting attention.  Any woman or man will tell you "Sex Sells" anything. Unfortunately many in the entertainment field do not know where the "image" begins and when to stop it.  By this I mean, Mae West was a "good" Christian girl who did not drink, smoke, curse, or sleep around.  This not to say she did not have lovers of HER choosing when SHE wanted to, but she did not let men control her life and career.  It was said she had a very male dominating father and learned to be in control of herself and life by imitating him.  She first married at 17, but then left him to pursue her career in entertainment not divorcing him until 23 years later although they had not lived together for decades. (She did not have children.) Her 'mistakes' did not stop her from pursuing her career in entertainment. She moved on with her goals in life successfully. She was not timid and was considered one of the first feminists, and men loved her.  Now if you listen to men today, many do not like feminist or so they say.  Why did men love her? You can listen to Mae West and the Men Who Knew Her on YouTube.

Ernestine Jane Geraldine Russell was the oldest, with four younger brothers. When her father died she helped raise them and went to work as a model to help bring money into the house.  She later would claim she was a kind of a "tomboy" as a child and never was afraid of men.  This Hollywood actress chose what type female character she would portray and would not portray timid women.  She may be remembered most for the film, "Gentlemen Prefer Blondes" starring her and Marilyn Monroe.  But I read recently she was the headliner and Marilyn was supposed to be the supporting actress. I believe because Marilyn went on to use "Sex" to sell her image and became a "Sex Object" pin up girl, MM was later better known for the movie. Jane Russell became a pin up girl but did not put much stock in it. She liked to act.  Jane was discovered by Howard Hughes from some photographs she made while modeling.  He looked for new faces for his films from time to time and he found her. None of her model pictures or her costumes in any of her films had her in a bikini, Jane refused to wear one.  Jane thought that much did not need to be seen to enhance any female characters she played.  She also was Christian and ran a Christian Bible study in Hollywood. She had a botched abortion in her teen years that left her unable to have children but she did not let this stop her from becoming more, doing more with her life. As other strong women she took this stride and did not let this define her, she moved on with her goals in life successfully. 

Katherine Hepburn was a strong Hollywood star who called most of her professional moves and when her career was waning she thought of a way, using her own money to put into production her movie "The Philadelphia Story" a remake of Grace Kelly's movie, “High Society." This revived Katherine's career.  (I have both movies, I think Grace Kelly played the part better) Katherine, however, is my favorite personality of the two on a personal life level.  (Katherine chose to NOT have children knowing her focus was her career not the needs of a child, good thinking) Katherine Hepburn was no saint, she lived with Spencer Tracy for years. Spencer wanted a divorce to marry her but could not because his Catholic wife would not divorce him. This wife would not let Katherine go to Spencer's funeral even though Katherine had nursed him the last years of his life before he died.  Kate moved on with her goals in life successfully.

The thread of admiration I have for these three women is that each of them, no matter what life circumstances were, did not let these circumstances get them down or hold them back.  These three lived by their convictions, their focus, and NEVER GAVE UP their goals in life. They kept their backbone intact as they navigated the sharky waters of Hollywood and the public.  This confidence is one I would like to see all women have today.  Tears and whining, "It's not fair" does not move a man ahead in the world and it will not move a woman ahead either.  

Susan B. Anthony did not cry and whine, "It was not fair" that men had the right to vote, own property, own his children, and even beat his wife, (Yes that was on the law books) among other things, she set out to change the laws. I see if we women are to move ahead in our private lives, whether we choose to be a stay-at-home mother or a career woman, we best stop crying, determine boundaries, and start moving in a positive direction with an uplifting voice to make a change.  

The continual cry of the VICTIM calls for someone to rescue, and if someone does not rescue, then anger sets in and helplessness sets in... In time bitterness will become a complete shutdown that leads to stagnation of life. This is why Byron Katie teaches that VICTIMS are the angriest people on earth. To get past anger, we must get past VICTIM thoughts, we must take responsibility for our life and everything thought good and bad.  

If we want things to change then we must find a way to change it. I do research and read autobiographies to see what other people had to overcome. I learned that personal challenges these people had hurt them, but they chose to keep going, keep going, and they never gave up.  As women, we need to wake up and see our power, claim it, stand up in peaceful resistance but with a voice as one.  I truly believe women would be surprised how much the majority of men will respect us as a result. (In America)  

The Dali Lama believes "The salvation of women in the Eastern world will come from the women in the Western one." 

We will influence the world, we already do.  America is a great place to live.  I personally like that we have no royalty here lording themselves above us.  We are not commoners here, we are equals here in the USA.  (A reason many people come here)

Here, now, women can be educated, work outside the home, have careers, we can be respected, we can vote.  It starts with me.  This next generation of women coming up have education, businesses of their own, are globally minded, confident, some I read about and some I have met are so exciting to me. These women are going to raise powerfully kind children and repair the broken family so prevalent everywhere. 

Just to learn to be happy, slow down, take one day at a time, enjoy a significant other and take care of the children you bring into the world first, is all we can do here for our short lifespan.  We are getting better, we are doing this, we are changing the world, keep going, keep going, NEVER GIVE UP.  

Dining in a Aristocratic Railway Car of Olden Times

There is a book that is fun to do to help define what one's CORE values are.  It is call The Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte.  What I thought would be an easy workbook to do turned into an emotional journey that made me put the book down every two weeks and pick it back up again.  When I start a workbook I like to finish it.  Overall the book took me about 3 months to complete.  I had read other people did the workbook in a weekend.  I wonder if they read the book thoroughly, thoughtfully, and did everything in it.  There is a lot to consider. If you would like to get the book to find your core values and begin orchestrating your own life surrounding your core values you can order it at www.DanielleLaPorte.com to support her private business or Barnes & Noble. I ordered from her.

In the process I found one of my core values is "Beauty."  I love beautiful things be it seeing nature with animals, mountains, snow, trees, fields, insects, or inside beauty such as beautiful furnishings, beautiful colonial houses, paintings, bowls, silverware, plates, dishes, chairs, railway cars for presidents and high officials to travel in.  Beautiful houses inside and out like "Hildene" Robert Todd Lincoln's house in Manchester, Vermont.  At this house is a restored Pullman railway car that Theodore Roosevelt traveled in as his correspondence car while he was campaigning for president. (1903 Pullman made these luxury sleepers)

I never tire of visiting train cars inside or riding on a train.  I have always wanted to eat or sleep on one of these luxury cars. Yesterday I got my dream.  One of my favorite things to do is "Be FIRST without trying!"  This means the universe supplied me with an unexpected adventure that I had not planned but always dreamed about and this was one of them. Thank you Universe! or if you believe God is "reality" then Thank you God!

My husband asked me to go to NJ to pick up a part he needed.  He asked me to ride along for a date.  I said, "Yes."  We went to a little town to a little shop.  The owner told him about a great place to have dinner with his wife.  As I looked the restaurant up on my phone, I can't believe it! The restaurant has two Pullman cars from The Gilded Age (1903) that you can dine in! Be still my heart!  I am so excited to eat there I cannot believe it!

We had dinner in a luxurious dining car with porters in red coats and servers in tuxedo with black tie just like the days of old!  It is beautiful!  The food was delicious and I highly recommend you visit and be treated like royalty not only in service and food but in the atmosphere!  The polished mahogany has no less than 24 layers of lacquer to restore it to its original luster.  The inlaid designs of the wood meticulous detail used in its cabinets and overhead doors of the sleepers, beautiful.

Did I say I love beauty?  I know no matter where I was born back then, I would have made my way to be a part of the people that traveled in style, either by marriage or by service, I would have enjoyed this life, but for today I will enjoy my Sweetheart and having dinner with him on the "Oceanic" Pullman car in Morristown, N.J.  Life does not get any better than this!

Riding over The Rockies in a Rolls Royce

It was cold and the snow had just slowed down.  My Sweetheart and I were thumbing our way to Tinne, New Mexico from Gunnison, Colorado.  We were in a leadership training program for a ministry.  This part of the training involved placing our faith in God to get us from point "A" Gunnison, Colorado to point "B" Tinne, New Mexico.  Now to make this trip by car takes about 9 hours but to make this trip thumbing, depending on the goodness of complete strangers could take up to a week depending on "your believing" according to the ministry. (Ok if you say so...whatever 😇)

This looked like a fun adventure to us.  We left with $20 each in our pocket and the test was to go to Tinne, go on an outdoor hiking and rock climbing expedition for 10 days and then thumb back to Gunnison.  We left and found that we walked a lot, evidently people were not excited to pick up hitchhikers, especially one, 6 feet tall and a little one, 5 feet short. But we found this enterprise to be so much fun to be out on own, and out of daily maintenance chores back at the ranch and constant Bible teachings.  Sometimes you just want a few days off and this was it!

The Rocky Mountains are more beautiful to see up close than words can express.  Although the view is royal, the weather can be brutal. Ice cold whipping winds, sleet that can cut your face while whirling 'round your head, thankfully we had on full L.L. Bean garb or we would have frozen.  At the peak of one mountain we really wanted to get a ride, we were cold, tired, and hungry but there was not a town in site much less a house.

So we begin to laugh and sing, now coming around the bend was a brand new 1980 black Roll Royce pulling over to pick us up.  We looked at each other and said, "When God delivers, He delivers the best!"  Who would think a Rolls Royce of all cars, would be up here in this storm?  The driver lowered his window and invited us into the back seat.  We got in and saw there was another man in the front seat. (Both men wore a business suit.)  The driver had a diamond ring on his hand but I saw no wedding band.  He asked us what we were doing out here and we told him.  He told us how far he could take us and said "Interesting,"

He went back to talking with his front seat comrade about business.  Now we took a closer look at this Rolls.  Every handle, button, gauge, outside and inside this car was shiny GOLD.  What?  Even the lock and handles on the doors were GOLD. Up front the dashboard was polished Carpathian Elm Burl Wood, (Yeah I know my woods) with GOLD frame around every gauge.  It was NICE!  He played classical music through a sound system in this car, clearer, than we had ever heard.  The leather seats were cream colored and heated, yes I LOVE the things money can buy and the comfort...well I always say,"You never regret buying quality!"

I also thought "What do we need to do to be able to afford this lifestyle?"  I did not know but I was going to find out.

Because, "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darn it,people like me!"

Echart Tolle wrote The Power of Now, I think I'll write The Power of NO! for Women

The morality of the world is determined by women at least that is what my mother told me once and more recently my husband. Morality is more than sex but maybe this is the basis for the lack of the other moral codes.  We'll explore this more another day...

Interesting that men write all the commandments to almost every religion yet they are plagued by the animalistic need to do the act of reproducing.  There is so much more to living life in kindness than this one act.  Several books today written by men promote this as an all-consuming drive for every man and teach IF this drive is conquered, then a man can become clear thinking and see his purpose in this life. Thank God, we, women don't suffer from this.

 Read Megyn Kelly's autobiography, Settle for More to get first hand knowledge of this.

You do the math, where is the "spin" leaning to favor?  Men and their animalistic drive. The first time I moved away from my home to live on my own, my father told me, "I may be too late to teach you anything, but I'll tell you anyway, men of God are men too, and all men are animals. Be careful out there."

I naively answered, "Daddy please, all men are not animals, come on."

Now sixty years later, I say, Daddy was right..."Most men are on the prowl and it is up to women to say, NO!"

Now if you take my husband to be an authority on men, and he does... he claims...

There are more good, solid, morally upright men who stay with their children than not! Men who love the mother of these precious gifts. (Children)  Who work everyday to provide for and protect his wife and family are of the silent majority because they are doing the right thing, taking care of their life and families. There is no drama.

Women are so easily seduced by men, that they give of themselves way too much before they consider what the wandering man is giving outside of sweet words, sex, and money and it usually is NOT a lifetime monogamous commitment!

I use to be in favor of sexual freedom for men and women but now I see 50 years later, women are lowering themselves too often and too much to the male's instinct instead of raising men to ours. I think we need to pull back on the sexual freedom thing.

If women wrote the "Ten Commandments" or "Constitution of Morality" instead of making the first three, DO NOT QUESTION the written authority of these man made laws, sounds like a military battle instead of morality to live by. Women would include much more needed protection for all.

The first one would be:

1) Do not molest or have sex to fulfill selfish lust with anyone.

2) Do not mutilate men, women, or children ever.

3) Do not torture a human being or animal ever.

And women being the YIN to the YANG are to my experience, much more open to new ideas would also probably include "Common Sense Rules to Live Life By"or the Bills of Rights to the above constitution and state what you "can" do instead of "orders of what you cannot do."

1) Once you marry (Do not get married too young) and have babies, make it work for a lifetime. You are free to choose who you marry or if you want to get married at all. If anyone tries to make you do this, against your will, good bye to them and send them away, or you leave.

*** No violence ever tolerated! Study www.the work.com by Byron Katie and Eckhart Tolle to live in harmony with one another. (Yeah I added that 😉)

2) You can be respected and respect others opinions even if their opinions are different from yours. If      someone does not give you this respect, say good bye to them and send them away or you leave.

3) You have control of your mind only, no one else, be kind to everyone and in everything you do.            If someone is not kind to you, or uses you, say good bye to them and send them away or you                leave.

You will surround yourself with loving, respectful, supportive, people, have boundaries to accomplish this.  The Power of No helps here too. I heard Maya Angelou, in her later years, would not tolerate anyone being negative or cursing in her house, she would ask them to leave. I love this woman!

Now if this confuses anyone, let's be clear.

If any organization, any religion, corporation, sports coach, teacher, director, producer any high powered  position in Hollywood, modeling, friend, doctor, lawyer, priest, minister, president, business owner, requires you to take off your clothes, or perform sex, this is a red flag...

DON'T DO IT!  You get away and find your own path with your morals in tact and dignity.

Here's a bigger one, if any religion, corporation, positon in Hollywood, modeling, or business requires you give up the supervision and education of your children to them...

DON'T DO IT! This is a dangerous!  Enough people are speaking out today to make this clear to future members of any organization. Don't do it! (Learn from their mistakes)

Someone has to say it because every time I read or hear of another man in power messing up a child or woman's life because she was convinced at first, "It was OK, he seemed nice enough."   I want to say, "Does anyone have a backbone to say NO?"   The Power of NO  walk away, another way will present itself if you don't give up.

Keep your marriage safe with one another, nurture your love, the children will be grown soon enough and out of your lives forever if you want it.  But for now keep your children, wife, husband, close. Life is short.

And learn The Power of NO!

P.S.  My husband also thinks women are the ones who will save this world and get it back in balance because women are the only ones who can say "NO" and mean it.  I wonder where he got that idea?

What are You Waiting For?

Recently I heard of a person who lived life according to her faith. She raised her children in her faith. Yet, in her eyes, each of her children have sinned and come short of the glory of God, so now she is waiting to go to heaven where everything is perfect.

Pema Chodren teaches that to hope is to think that life is lacking now.

Byron Katie teaches that everything is perfect as it is now.

Eckhart Tolle book The Power of Now teaches his take on time.  He says if you're waiting for something you are not present in this moment, and missing the beauty of this moment.

In order for me to be present I have a couple of my mantras:

"Everything happens FOR me not TO me,"

"The universe is a friendly place."  ~ Byron Katie Mitchell

When things go wrong even though I plan, I immediately go into the first mantra, and look for the good in the situation.   I become still and patient as I seek a remedy for the problem.  This is a practice I have been training myself over the years and it is working for me more each day.

Slow to anger has been key and as you know is taught in the KJV Bible but so many people know the verse but do not practice it.  I knew the verse all my life but I was angry.  How can you be slow to anger if you don't know how to rid yourself of it?  So I set out on a search to find a way. What I found is key to getting rid of any anger is clearing the mind of conflicting thoughts, these thoughts are full of fear and prevented me from seeing the truth.

Buddhism taught me that in every situation, what part did I play in its outcome?  If I can calm down, instead of keeping the anger at its worst in my mind,  I  begin to see the situation from the other person's point of view and when that comes into focus, I have compassion for that person. Compassion is followed by forgiveness and I'm free from my anger.

I'm not waiting for my heart to be healed, I found a way. I'm not waiting for someone to ask for forgiveness, I forgive them. I'm taking control of my mind.  I want to be present to enjoy every breath I take.  I want to be present to see the day and the sunshine in it.  I want to live.

A lesson I learned long ago, I control no one but me, therefore if others do things I would not do, I don't see them as imperfect, I see them as human like me.  We are one, we are human.

I'm not waiting for heaven because I believe heaven is here on earth now.  It is in your perspective. Why not love this life and every day in it?  What are you waiting for?

Ut oh, another Pickle Jar for Happiness with my Sweetheart

The "Happiness Jar" is an idea shared by Elizabeth Gilbert the author of Eat, Pray, Love that was made into a film.  She is a writer for "O" magazine now.  Oprah gives women empowerment talks and EG is one of her speakers.  When she gives interviews I really enjoy her candid anecdotes for everyday life.   She gives a good interview on MARIE TV, watch on YouTube, "How To Live Your Most Creative Life"  Elizabeth Gilbert with Marie Forleo. Good stuff.

Last night I shared my idea with my Sweetheart about this jar and putting in a daily note of what one thing that made me happy today. I would write it down and put it in the jar;  I asked would he like to join me in doing this?  Then I explained that at the end of the year, we'll read them, have a ceremonial burning of the happiness notes, empty the jar to start over next year.  Not one to get too excited about any of my ritual ideas, he humors me and says,"OK."

He told me that #2 son told him on their skiing trip yesterday that he does something similar. #2 son keeps a journal and each night records something he is grateful for that day.  That works too.

So I got out one of my big, empty "Olive" pickle jar for my scobies, yes, the same one I had a cardiac arrest throwing the pickles out, and set it on the counter.

Usually I get up and leave early mornings before anyone else is up.  This morning was the same, I ran down the dark staircase, into the kitchen thinking I will start our happiness jar with two days of my own happiness thoughts thus far into the new year for our jar.  The jar is on the counter but by the jar I see tiny pieces of cut paper in a stack, and two inside the jar with something written on them.

I write my two and then read the two my Sweetheart had put in.  I wrote seeing our #2 son and a clean refrigerator.  He wrote seeing #2 son and skiing with #2 son.  My Sweetheart had already written his and left them for me to find.  I see we both focus on our children as being our "happy" thought. What a Sweetheart!

Nothing Like Watching "Hoarders" to make you Clean Your Refrigerator

Grey Gardens was a documentary film made about Jackie Onassis spinster cousins in 1975.  It seems that these two aristocratic women fell upon hard times.  The home that was once beautiful, located in the prestigious neighborhood of East Hampton, N.Y., was now the home of a hoarder.  It needed repairs and to be brought up to code to be inhabitable.  Jackie O. paid $32,000 to do repairs and the hoarder's sons, paid the back taxes on their childhood home so their mother and sister could live there.

The documentary was so sad to watch.  I felt the family's privacy was severely invaded with the film. We all have family members we are not proud of but to put this into a film for all to see was sad to me. (No privacy when you are in the limelight.)

Not a TV fan, occasionally, after a long day, I will sit down to peruse the channels.  I saw Grey Gardens on TCM and tuned in.  Some people watch hoarders to make themselves feel better about their lives, but when I see this it upsets me tremendously and makes me want to rid my house of every single extra thing not being used.

Our one son has adopted the minimalist lifestyle. He mentioned us decluttering our house for comfort and simplicity in our environment.  So I began working on this last year and it does feel better.

I watched another documentary on NetFlix it was titled "Minimalism." These two authors believe that they were accumulating more, more, things, more stuff, to fill a void inside and found themselves to be "unhappy."  They lived paycheck to paycheck and with every raise they bought more stuff and put themselves behind the eight ball again.  Always working for stuff with no end in sight.  So they became minimalists, gave up working all the time and found happiness. Their website offers some free reading material if you want to know more www.theminimalists.com

This work treadmill is a trap. I know of a specialist doctor who was diagnosed with cancer and told his sister he could not stop working for treatment and rest because if he did not work every week, his office staff would not get paid.  This guy had a nice house in a nice neighborhood, he had professional friends, dinner parties, vacations, and the appearance of being well off  but he was trapped by his things.

Depression era parents created some of this madness for sure. Remember me and my pickles?

Where is the line one crosses from being comfortable with nice things and being trapped by your life? Where is the line with having enough and having too much to become a hoarder?  Our children are figuring this out and this next generation will do much better living life free on their terms.

In the meantime I was running to clean out my refrigerator today!