Wednesday, January 30, 2019

Its taking Me A Lifetime to Understand This, You Don't Have to Wait That long...

Some things you don't need to understand but if you truly try and I mean militantly try to examine everything you "Say about yourself out loud and say to yourself in your head" you may find that 95% of it is not good.

So for the next month, do not say anything out loud that in any way makes you seem weak or out of control of your life. Instead magnify the positives and I'm not talking about narcissistic bragging.


Thankful to know the difference between genuine self love and egotistical narcissistic braggart words that is really self hatred. One is good and the other is not good. Namaste.

Some amazing things will change in your life and relationships.   Try it, wait 30 days and report back.

Image result for ruth fishel quotes

Monday, January 28, 2019

One Thing Leads To Another, Charles Steinmetz, Charles Gates, & Charles Newton

Years ago I was friend with an eccentric woman, Beatrice Gates, who had no children. I met her through the acquaintance of my parents-in-law. She and her husband had owned a local butcher shop on Rte 144. My mother-in-law went there weekly to get fresh meat for the family. The two ladies got along famously and when the butcher shop closed they remained close friends for years.

Every year on their anniversaries, (the two anniversary dates were close,) each couple took turns every other year, taking the other couple out to dinner. They usually went to Saratoga Springs, NY to the Wishing Well Restaurant.  When Bea's husband, Charles Gates died, I became a close confidant and power of Attorney to Miss Bea and managed her estate until she died.

When she died her wishes were to be cremated, and put into the same grave in the ground of her dear beloved husband, Charles Gates.  The couple were best friends and he died unexpectedly in surgery years before. Bea always regretted having agreed to the surgery and wished he had been left to die on his own time. She thought she would have had him a few years longer.

So unbeknownst to me the grave was in the Vale Cemetery in Schenectady. No one came to her funeral although I called all 75 of her relatives in her personal phone book. No one came. I thought how sad, and I never knew why.  She was a giving, kind, woman who, according to her, gave thousands of dollars to help her relatives in her lifetime, including putting a grand niece through her final medical school year.  The niece faced not being able to finish due to  lack of funds.  Surely this niece would come now that she was a successful doctor but, no, when I contacted her family, she did not come.

My mother-in-law died years earlier than Miss Bea, or she would have attended Bea's funeral. My father-in-law asked if he could go with us since I was taking our own little family to the graveside for the interment. Miss Bea was like a Great-Grandmama to them since they had no grandmother here.  My father-in-law was a graduate engineer from RPI in Troy and he knew of Charles Steinmetz who was buried nearby. After Miss Bea's funeral we looked and found Charles Steinmetz' grave. 

Of course Grandpa John begin to tell the story of the great Charles Steinmetz and his genius with General Electric in Schenectady with Edison.  Wow! Right here with our two friends buried in Vale Cemetery.

Yes, we looked Steinmetz up and found much about this life.  He had suffered from the kyphosis, an abnormal curvature of the upper spine making him a dwarf like creature since birth. It was a congenital deformity both his parents had. Although he loved children and wanted a family he decided not to marry or have children to prevent possibly passing the deformity to his own children. 

He did however build a grand house in Schenectady, N.Y. and in time would have the family he always wanted. He worked long hours with his lab assistant Joseph LeRoy Hayden and in time offered to invite Joseph and his wife, Corrine, to live with him. His wife agreed on two conditions, (1) she could run the household and (2) they would drop whatever they were doing and come to eat when she set the table. Steinmetz agreed. 

In time Steinmetz adopted Joseph, and Joseph's children became his legal grand-children. The children loved their Grandfather and the house was always full of engineering experiments that delighted the children year round. Yes there were gasses and explosives created! 

Steinmetz, became known as the "Wizard of Schenectady," and attracted some of the greatest inventors of the time among these were Nicholas Tesla, Albert Einstein,Thomas Edison and Henry Ford. His home welcomed new ideas involving electricity. It must have been wonderful to be in that house and just listen. 

Steinmetz in his leisure, could be seen floating down the Mohawk River in a canoe scribbling notes as he drifted or riding a bike around town in a suit and top hat. He was among the greatest scientific minds of his century. Yet he was happy with the simple things in life.

So you see, one thing leads to another, a selfless act to carry out the wishes of a lovely older woman introduced us to one o f the great scientists of electricity right here in out back yard, thanks to my dear father-in-law and his great knowledge.  Sure do miss him, he was an interesting man, he was a good man and a fun grandfather with all his intellect and his own experiments he shared with our children. It is always good to have an engineer in the family and yes, when there is an engineer, there will be explosives from time to time. Kids love this! 

Thankful to have had this good woman Bea in my life, thankful to have this good man John as my father-in-law and thankful to have his good son, Charles Newton as my husband. Life is good.

Steinmetz and his contemporaries

Wednesday, January 23, 2019

Belief is Not Faith, Faith Comes With Evidence

When you believe, it is not proof that it is true. We may wish it were true, we may want it to be true, but only through repetition can you make yourself accept a belief that is not proven. 

Many things all of us "believe" about our self as adults, we learned in childhood, how we were treated, respected and taught. We learned through what we "saw" adults do. We learned through stories we were "told" as a child.  This applies to every thing we think and judge. These are beliefs.

Faith is actually knowing without doubt that something is real. As we grow older and experience life we see some of these beliefs are false.  So we change our beliefs and take actions in this new direction because we have FAITH, we KNOW what works, the old thought did not.

Actually seeing and knowing something is FAITH, faith removes doubt.

Strange how much we take for granted to be true when it is not. I was taught God condemned homosexuality, so I just took that for granted because I had never had an occasion to challenge that belief until I had a really good friend that I loved for a long time. He dated my girlfriends, but one day he told me he was gay.  I loved him so much that I could not think of any reason not to continue.

If I could love a homosexual why could God not love a homosexual?  The logical answer is God does love homosexuals, because I am not greater than God. I loved my friend. I also believed God's love is greater than my love, God must love homosexuals too, this made sense to me. I have not seen God.

You can change your perspective to know (FAITH) that everything happens to help you use your mind to make decisions to go in another direction if you need to, the right direction for you. You begin to have FAITH in yourself when your life comes into focus and you have less anxiety.

Another really BIG discovery in the learning to live life, I have learned you must set boundaries for yourself to prevent others from harming you. You have to do this, bad things happen and you must learn to navigate yourself to safety no matter what happens. You cannot let emotions overcome your senses. When you let emotions steer your actions and words, the outcome will be disastrous for all, especially you.  This is the greatest challenge of "Empaths."  Too much emotion causes more damage.

When you KNOW how to control your emotions and respond with positive actions then move. Otherwise remain still, quiet, until you have silence inside your mind, then you will know what to do.  You are not a victim, you are not angry, you have no need to control what others say or do, you control yourself.  Then fear subsides, it has to, when you have FAITH in you.

Silence in your head, brings new fresh and powerful solutions to you. This is why I mediate to stop my mind from thinking every minute. When I make space for thought, better ideas come.

I found, I was enough.

Image result for byron katie stop thinking so much



Monday, January 21, 2019

Real Intimacy Reduces Addictions

"Intimacy reduces addictions." ~ SV

Definition of Intimacy: Close familiarity or friendship

You don't think I come up with all this wisdom on my own do you?  I read, science proves much through studies of human behaviors.  The above is a quote by another author that studies science and some may not like, but if you are grounded in your own truth you can find a nugget of truth in every book. You can learn something good from everyone.

If you have a genuinely close relationship with yourself, you can rid yourself of addictions.  Addictions numb us to our true feelings/emotions. 

We can learn to control our emotions with our mind. What kind of fix will you choose? A temporary fix or a long term fix?  It depends on you, what do you want? I wanted a permanent fix.

The answers are inside of you but how can you access it?  We have to learn to think independently, step away from the anger and chaos of the world, and know who we are. We are peaceful within, it is our nature.  Peaceful minds produce peaceful results.

"Victims are the angriest people on earth." ~BK

My biggest addiction challenge is "negative thinking" this made me angry and a victim. My own divisive thoughts were the problem, not other people.

This is a sneaky one! Insidious in nature, hard to locate in the mind and even harder to control. It can be done, I work on this every day and I see 100% improvement or I would not continue the work.

Anger begins to dissipate in you when you stop being hard on yourself, you forgive yourself, you know you don't have to be perfect or control the world around you, you are enough to take care of.

Religion, wealth, fame, position in the world,success, high academic degrees, material excess, awards,  plastic surgery, do not eliminated the emotional cravings from hurt. This healing is an inside job and only you can go inside to do the work and heal yourself. Once healed, the cravings stop and the best things in life naturally come to you now easily, without strife.

Eckhart Tolle, Byron Katie Mitchell are two teachers I really respect.  There must be hundreds of others in the world, you can find the ones that speak to your heart and lead you to your own inner healing. 

Once you achieve this inner peace you set boundaries to not allow anyone steal this peace from you. You do not allow others to use you, you stand up for yourself and in time, you learn to stand up for others that cannot stand up for themselves.  Once you have this power within you stop using people to get "your" way. Boundaries are paramount to your success of peace inside and out.

Thankful to not be a victim anymore, I know the power within, now to get on with it. 😌 

Tomorrow I will share a new "aha" discovery about the difference between belief and faith.

Image result for eckhart tolle know the power within

Wednesday, January 16, 2019

When Your Motivations Shift, So Do Your Behaviors

Every action we take is based on a thought of why.

If your motivations are love, your actions will be peaceful, first for you and then others.

If your motivation is resentment, or jealousy, your actions will be punitive and violent.

What is it to be a loving person without being a doormat?  It is to know your boundaries. Peaceful actions that promote inner harmony and to have personal boundaries that prevent fear from taking the path off course.

This line between order and chaos is the line we all strive to tightrope walk. It is the motivation to creating beneficial peaceful behavior.  When we find this line, we calm down, we have patience knowing life is molding into form our place in the world. We come to see we are all one, a part of the human race.  No greater or lesser than anyone on earth.  Anger has its place, and it is not anger's place to take up permanent residence in your mind, if it does, it can cause bodily harm, stress, sickness, ongoing anxiety.

Anger is a call to action.

Anger is a wake up, a call to change, what change? You decide.  This one thing for sure, the change has to be examined, is it you that needs to change or you that needs to bring the call to change to the attention of others?

Whichever you decide it is, the motivation for the change that will determine the behavior you display. Remember you can catch more flies with honey, than vinegar. Now proceed if your motivation is for positive change, proceed in peace.

Thankful to be learning to watch my words and how I say them, I may never be perfect but at least I'm becoming aware. I want peace on earth.  It begins inside my mind. It is a daily endeavor.

Image result for peaceful pursuit quotes

Tuesday, January 15, 2019

Sometimes I Have Nothing to Offer But One Commandment

In discussing another book with my son I told him how very much I admire this guy but that if we were to be friends, it cannot happen because I have nothing to offer the guy.

He writes well, he speaks well, and I agree with most of his viewpoints but to be in a productive and expansive conversation with him...I got nothing.

He was a university professor and journalist that traveled the world and has read so many more books than me, he was stuffing his head with books and career while I was changing diapers and running a taxi service to dance and baseball fields for 20 years.

I was thinking and I was reading too but I came to the same conclusions without all his research and travel, basic truths are like that...universally known through the ages can be revealed to all that search.

But friendship? I don't see it. Being a student of his lectures, yeah.  Thanks to technology, I can do that on You Tube now that he is deceased.

But I'm just saying, I know my limits and with this guy?  I have nothing to offer. He is not my job to convert him or make him see anything my way. He is kind and anti-atheist, his word.

I would sign his petition should he have had one to change the ten commandment to include:

1) Thou shalt not harm children.

Why is this not in there?

And here's one of mine to add:

2) Thou shalt not have any other wife before or after me, no polygamy.

Yeah let's start with those two and see the world become a better place today.

Image result for hitchens even religions leaders don't agree


Sunday, January 13, 2019

I Had To Walk Out of A Comedy Club Last Night

We love to see comedians and go to a comedy club from time to time for some chuckles. Last night we saw a new comedian advertised as a favorite on Comedy Central.

He was funny enough at first than he went on and on about how marriage starts out good then goes south, south, south, south, to the point I felt his deep pain over his divorce after 26 years but he would not let it go.  There were many new couples in the crowded room, the room was full in this huge comedy club venue.

I waited hoping he would would move on but he would not. Finally after an hour of his self destructive remarks (He looked and sounded drunk on stage) and horrible recollections of 26 years of marriage to this woman he loved, I had to walk out.

I came to laugh but not at his misery.  I understand comedians draw from their life experience but this was dismal, he was hurting like it happened to day.  Sad.

It amazes me how people that come from failed relationships now proclaim to be experts and now feel qualified to counsel the new couples in the room.  Failed marriage does not make you wise about what works, failed makes you knowledgeable about what did not work for you. As he told story after story of good times he had getting drunk with friends, being on the road with comedy tours, etc. and then when he returned home how his wife expressed life was hard raising their two children without him around and then they go out on a date, she got drunk and became sexually seductive but verbally abusive towards him... the more obvious advice might be...

Here's a big hint! Start with not using alcohol for good times and bad, rather marry a strong independent woman that understands you are gone with a career that demands it. This is basic but it might work...it's worth a try. Of course this means you have to see a real therapist to get help to work out why you both drink, but it's worth a try.

My entire life has been studying to get in control of my mind, thoughts, and actions. It is not easy but can be done.  I do feel sad for this guy but I had to walk out. I empathize with his pain. But his life is none of my business, he has to do this own work to change his life. It is not my business to do his work for him.  Someone this famous knows about therapy and when his pain is great enough, he will go for help. I just hope he gets it before he enters into another dysfunctional relationship.  He is so young, 56, to be so bitter.  Otherwise seems like a nice man.

Talk about taking your personal life to work, I guess comedians have to but not on my time this night.

May I suggest Eckhart Tolle and www.thework.com by Byron Katie Mitchell for a beginning and maybe throw in some Pema Chodron and Dalai Lama lectures as it is clear his Catholicism is not helping at all.

The good news, there was a local woman from Delmar that opened for him and she was hilarious, A lawyer by trade, she certainly had the timing, the delivery, and the creativity to really make us laugh. If she was headlining, I would pay to see her.  Her name was "Dray."  Yes, more of this clean laughter.  It was good to get out with my Sweetheart and I will pray for the other guy and for Dray's success!

Back to writing my book. Namaste.

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