A Grasshopper Scientist

With a baby stroller for the new sister and our scheduled after breakfast daily walk we went outside on the country road where every day in the warm weather I took our babies to breathe in the fresh clean country air and enjoy nature.  He had not been walking long at 14 months he had taken his time taking his first step and to this day he takes his time before taking any step, he is wise that way. His sister arrived when he was 16 months of age.

On this day we went to the end of the driveway and he stopped, pointed and grunted, Uh, Uh, he had not learned to talk yet but in his baby way he let me know he saw something and wanted to know it's name. In the grass there was a green grasshopper and he was so intrigued he immediately lie flat on the ground with face next to it to get a closer look.

"Grasshopper." I said, "Grasshopper."

He stared at it as it crawled ever so slowly up a green blade of grass, not disturbed by the baby face presence so close. As it moved, the baby was fascinated and I decided to stop. Stay far enough away not to intrude on the grasshopper scientist research. He looked and looked, the grasshopper did not move for many minutes as it sat, it finally rubbed its two back legs together and the little scientist looked at me pointing to it as if to say, "Did you see that?"

"Yes," I replied. "Grasshopper."

Now I could have said, "Ok, let's keep moving, I have a schedule to keep..." But I did not.

The little guy got to his knees and sat back on them, eyes fastened on that grasshopper. In that moment I thought, this is his time, his time to relax and discover how wonderful, entertaining, and comforting nature, insects, animals, trees can be if you stop and look and listen.

So I waited, his baby sister and me. She sleeping, me with a book in my hand which I always had with me to read while waiting, watching, while children discover, play, enjoy being free, being little.  No clock to rule our time, just curiosity.

Finally as quickly as he had plopped down on the ground, he got up and the grasshopper hopped off. He was through with his research for today and ready to move on. I  glanced at my watch, he had been fascinated watching that insect for 30 minutes.  So with pacifier in his mouth, he took my hand and we walked on.

It's moments like this I remember when I realize he is 35 years old today. The joy he brought into my life at 28 years old as a baby, he still brings to mind now that he is a man, grown, far from home living life on his own terms many years now.  A Marine Corps Vet, an independent thinker, a kind-hearted soul, a loyal friend to his comrades, a devoted brother and son to his family, a kind man to his girl, a musician, a hard worker, he is a good, good, man.

So thankful for that grasshopper scientist that was given to me for a short while. I held his hand for a little while, he holds my heart forever. Children are like that. I loved being a stay at home mom for our babes and they taught me more about love and selfless giving than I ever knew before having them.

He is one of my happiest thoughts, I have three.  Happy Birthday! Jr.  We love you forever and always!

Listening Is The Most Dangerous Thing To Do, Most People Don't Know How

In The Garden of Eden some religions teach it was not the woman taking a bite of the apple that caused the fall of Adam and Eve from the paradise they enjoyed, rather it was the "listening" of Eve to consider another point of view that was the down fall of them both. Had she not listened to a serpent, she would not question what an outside source, "God" had commanded her not to do, and she would not have acted to take a bite of the tree of knowledge.  This is a great story, but one God did not intend or write.  Yes, I believe in God but not religions, I believe in me.

Religions promote this; "Don't listen to another point of view, this ideology has all the answers you need. Study the scriptures of our belief, all answers are there."  This lack of questioning is to keep followers from thinking for yourself and possibly abdicating the religion altogether.

When you begin to think for yourself you will find you are kinder than you know, you have peaceful solutions that come to you without outside intervention.  Many times you find you are kinder and more forgiving than the religion you follow.

All religions, proclaim this is the "only the true religion."

This belief alone is divisive.

Listening.  When you listen you consider what another person is saying and if that other person is persuasive enough that listening may change you. Change what you think, change what you say, change what you believe, change how you act.

Now listening is beneficial when you are an adult and have developed critical thinking skills through life experience and education. To listen to two differing ideas and to have the patience, the reason and logic to do your own research before you speak, without selfish righteousness, will move to a place of compromise that is more harmonious and peaceful.

But most people listen with the thought of evaluation based on fixed preconceived opinions. Most listen only with the intention of defending their own point of view.  When you are thinking while others are talking you are not listening, you are gearing up for a fight for a personal agenda to be pushed instead of allowing another to have their say.  This always causes division.

Calmly listening to another point of view when you are young, doing your own research to find truth and be aware of all the facts on both sides of the issue instead of pushing a personal agenda you were spoon fed from a reliable source, will give you truth and confidence.  Hatred has an agenda and does not heal any situation no matter how noble.  It cannot give new ideas and answers for a better solution.

Listen we will learn something we did not know. Thankful as years go by to know I do not know everything and to really listen is an art.

A Story Of What A Woman Will Do, Is Old As Time

Visiting Arrowhead Pittsfield, MA, the home of Herman Melville, author of Moby Dick. I heard a story that is as old as time and is indicative of  what a woman will do when she thinks she is in love...  Run into marriage with the man she claims to love against her father's wishes. A story I have seen many times.

Herman Melville , a writer did many things but he preferred writing.  Herman came from a family that has generational poverty and hardships that left the wives begging for money from relatives to keep them and their "multiple" children fed and off the streets. First his father's bride and then his.

Herman's mother came from a wealthy family that was emotionally bankrupt. She was forbidden by her father to marry that man, Allan Melvill, Herman's father. She did anyway, Allan Melvill tried to make a successful business and went into bankruptcy. The couple had eight kids...oh lord... you know that is trouble...too many mouths to feed and no money. 

Allan Melvill's father -in-law could have helped his daughter financially to get back on their feet, he could have helped his grandchildren, but he did not. In fact her father cut her out of the will for disobeying him.  The relatives on that side of the family stopped seeing them at all. Allan Melvill changed the family name spelling to Melville with an"e" to throw creditors off the trail.

Where have I heard this story before? Marrying against a father's wishes and being cut out of the will?

Now Herman, Allan's son,  proposed to a wife that came from a wealthier family," that loved and valued his children. This woman was told not to marry Herman. The reasons were the same, Herman did not come from a "good" family, his family had neither money or education, he could not support her (A writer is not a assured income) She married him anyway for love.

When Herman went into bankruptcy he too had several children, but his own siblings offered housing and gave them money. When he and his wife needed more money, "her" father forgave her, helped them buy a house, and advised them in financial matters. His father-in-law did not cut his daughter out of  his will. This is a family that loves one another more than money. 

The story as old as time?  So much of decision making about any marital union even today is based on opinions by objective bystanders. But most young women or men are not objective when they are in love, they will run into the arms of one another rather than listen to anyone tell her/him not to marry the other, every time. Many country songs are written about this kind of unbridled passion.

The objections are only reflected upon by the young unsuspecting newlyweds later, when the money runs out, many times so does the affection and respect.  This may take years, but when it does, what follows is the true test for love.  Money does not make a marriage last we see this with all the divorces reported of the wealthy in the news.

How can this be fixed? Do we want to fix the family? Today we have choices, lots of them.

But what choices do children have, if any?

Can parents find ways to peacefully compromise without divorce and can we teach children the kindness of true love that lasts a lifetime? Are we so focused on being right, having the last word, we can't slow down and find a way to agree to disagree?

Are we building a stronger society or making it weaker?

These are just thoughts I always drift to when hearing of family trials and hardships whether from a tour guide in a museum, read in a book, or real life. Everyone in every century, every family, has identical tribulations and deals with it, indeed there is no other choice.

Recently I heard someone suggest this,

"What if we make war illegal?" ~ a woman celebrity~  if I don't reveal her name we can't dismiss her based on her political views.

and I thought, now there's an idea worth thinking about. Let's start with marriage...

The Final Cat Teaches Me So Much More

Yesterday we had a scare. It's cold, it's a snow covered ground, snowstorm on the way and we can't find our final cat, Moke, Moke.

As we went though our minds about the last time any of us saw him, we agreed none of us had let him outside because when we do, we wait and check the door often to let him in for safety and his comfort. We checked the entire house basement to attic, we thought he really is tucked away somewhere.

Then we thought... wonder if he had a heart attack and died in our house somewhere?  Why would we think this?  Because a vet told us when we took our healthy cat for a rabies shot, that he had a heart condition and should be put on meds three times day for the rest of his life...we opted out.  If we will not take meds ourselves, for the rest of our lives, we certainly are not putting our pet on meds for the rest of his when he shows no signs of sickness.

So we looked everywhere in the house, no Moke Moke.  Sad, we took a moment to thank life for letting us have this sweet kitty for a while and then I said, "Well the spiritual teachers say if only we humans could be more like the animals and live in the moment... so I said, whatever happened to him he was accepting of it and dies peacefully. Byron Katie is right my thoughts are my suffering now."

Three cats die in two years...Oh no.

Then I thought and said out loud to my Sweetheart, "I'm glad we are human and not an animal, because if not, we would not have the emotions to appreciate the beauty of a moon lit heaven with stars, the comforting appreciation for the soft fur of stroking a kitty, the appreciation of a good meal, a soft bed, a wonderful appreciation of a friend who loves you and understands you, the devotion to a child to be there always to protect and guide him/her, so many more lovely things...

It was 4am and we were getting the snow off my car so I could go to work. I thought I hope he is not outside freezing to death and with one last movement, I put my hands together and yelled out into the black night, "Smokie, Smokie!"

We continued cleaning off he car and I turned to kiss my Sweetheart goodbye and get in when we heard, "Meow, meow, meow..."

Hollywood Produces Another Hit Show, Single Mother Praised, Children...Details

Money, money, money, successful TV show, accolades, honors awarded, big success as single mother tells the journey, quite impressive, but her children?  Well you decide...

The road to Hollywood success will costs you, but with perseverance and plenty of money to hire nannies, house keepers, etc. you can do it!

Divorced, three daughters, an invalid mother, and a full time TV producer and star of her own show now, you can have it all. She does and she proudly tells us how.

This woman has made amazing strides in her own Hollywood success story and I applaud her for her perseverance on this road, it is not easy but when she spoke of taking care of her daughters...I felt for those girls... she said,

"Yes as a single mother, a full-time producer, I raised three daughters and took care of an invalid mother that lived next door...when the girls were going through hard times and puberty...

I thought of ways to stay away from them...

Now they are grown we have a better relationship than ever.

The only rule is if you are acting bitchy, Get out of the house!"

This home does not sound kind or comforting ...nothing matters because she is a successful TV writer and producer now.  Another feminist wins.

Oh the children?  They have access to Ivy League colleges and the best clothes, hotels, tickets in town or out of town, they are lucky.  Their mother is a mentor for them to follow, go to work full-time, leave children in anyone's care but their own mother and father.

Make sure to the best of your ability you have the best daycare money can buy, this makes your absence permissible, justifiable.  Better yet, let's put them in a boarding school year round, a prestigious expensive one, that's surely ok. Right?  The children want you.

A father? A home with both parents available to the children? This is no guarantee of a good outcome for the children. If you ask the kids, they want a home with both parents present, but what do they know? Children...details!

And she claims she is a "homebody" and when she is at home she cooks home made meals.

Webster's dictionary:
Homebody: A person who likes to stay at home, especially someone who is perceived as someone unadventurous.

She jokes about needing Xanax and Ambien to deal with life. (Alcohol is usually the drug of choice for such problems when prescriptions can't be obtained, at least it is for the rest of us Americans)

Details, actually being with children? Teaching healthy ways to deal with negative emotions? One that does not require drugs and alcohol. Now that's a worthy endeavor.

This does not matter, her way of dealing with emotional girls' problems? ..."Get Out!"

She is a winner any way you spin that story.  She never mentioned a father that helped with his children once. Was he a good role model for those girls? Did he help take care of them?

Maybe her daughters will follow in her foot steps, be writers like their mother and write their own story of growing up with their parents one day.  Their "tell all" book will not get much notice, does not matter, only the Hollywood success show of their mother, matters.  Tell all books usually get written when the money runs out for the children. It is the last ditch effort to cash in on mother's name.  Or maybe they will write a hit show!

What are you willing to sacrifice to get your dreams?

One thing I have learned, money can hide a multitude of dysfunctional behaviors. Who cares?  As long as you look good to the world the rest is just details.

Children..details.

What Do You Think In Any Given Situation Reveals Who You Think You Are

To start let's just take an example:  You are invited to a staff meeting at work that does not usually include you.  What does your mind say? 1) Oh finally, I'm getting that promotion I deserve. 2) Oh cripes! I hope they are not firing me.  3)  Wow, maybe we are getting some new directives that will help us all work more efficiently.

Or you are invited to a friend's birthday party you get there and your friend sees you but does not look at you. What does your mind say? 1) Who do they think they are, they invited me not the other way around? 2) What did I do to deserve the cold shoulder? 3) Oh, maybe my friend just received some bad news, or is distracted for a reason I don't know.

We get so much information from our OWN thoughts when we don't have all the details from the situation that send us in directions of own self evaluations.

The three answers of thought given here are self explanatory.  What if we chose to always think the best of benign situations when actions of malevolence are not detected yet?

Webster Dictionary:
Malevolent: act of showing evil intent.

If you choose number 1) as your answer, you are full of yourself, better bring it down a notch.
If you choose 2) as your answer, you think too little of yourself, better bring it up a notch.
If you choose 3) as your answer, you have a healthy, normal, self image. One that not only is patient and understanding but wants to help others.

If life has given you the abundance of it, you may want to share this with others.  If you have experienced patient understanding from loved ones in your life, especially in childhood, you will share this with others in your adult life.

Remember the blueprint of your life started in the first seven years of it.  After that it was re-enforced until you became an adult or were old enough to leave that environment. Now, if you like yourself, stay that way.

If you don't, change yourself.  It will not be easy but it can be done.

I neither came from abundance or patient kindness. As an adult I internalized this and hated myself, and considered suicide many times but I came to know this was wrong. How? I became friends with some really outstanding, kind, men and women like none I had ever met in my relatives or childhood.

Because I knew these wonderful people well, I knew they were human and made mistakes just like me, just like my relatives, yet they found a way to rise above the misfortunes and their mistakes to become kind, healthy, wealthy, and wise.  I wanted to learn what my relatives and church could not teach, how to rise above the misfortunes of my life.  Jesus cannot do this. 

It takes more than a belief in any higher power to get you on the road to long lasting inner peace, it takes more than fame, more than fortune, it takes more than comfort, it takes the hardest work you have ever done to get there and stay there.  But if you choose this mission, to not continue living in a world of materialistic desires and wants that include, hates and prejudices, you must go deep.

Eckhart Tolle, Byron Katie have made the journey and the peace and sound mind they speak of is available to us all but we must want it.  There are many roads to get here, but these are the simplest and easiest for me and I always want to leave a road map where I've been so others can follow if you choose.  It is your life, you choose, I will work to be patient and kind with myself so I can do the same for you. You choose how you get what you want out of this life and I will choose mine.

This I know for sure: There are many ways to the top of any mountain. The mountain I'm climbing is called, "Self Awareness." There I find kindness for others and inner peace. Namaste.

Sisters Having a Sister Code Like Men Have Bro Code... Can This Ever Be?

If women are the moral backbone of society, (As I was told by my American mother) and so much is expected of women...why do some women when discussing a solution to a problem shun another woman when she has a different opinion of how to handle a situation?

We see the downfall of male egos that oppose one another to the point of wars that have ensued throughout history.  You'd think women would lead by example of communication and understanding, but women do not. Sometimes I think women are fighting a war here in America that does not exist legally for women anymore, at least not here with our US Constitution and amendments. The battleground is in the mind, where did I first read this? I wonder...

Why are some women pretending they are better than every other women because they are more educated, prettier,  have more money, or come from a "Blue" bloodline?  FYI: There is no such thing as "Blue" blood or "chosen people" that are more important than any other people. These are human made divisions and prejudices to elevate an ego.

We need no elevation when we finally know, we are one.

How about we women, don't just cut one another off on social media or conversation because of a different viewpoint?  I'm speaking in particular about social media personalities that pose questions and answers to their audience.

When someone gives a presentation and then asks you: to share a similar incident you had an "aha" moment, this person is directing you to say what they want to hear from you that validates what they just revealed to you in their spill...

...but sometimes I disagree with the spill and I say so. 

This has got me kicked off more female Facebook group pages than I can say, and it makes me see their true motives.  They are right and I am wrong.

Clicks, tribes ... a high school way to exist, evidently is alive in the adult world of women empowerment online programs and books.  I recently disagreed with another woman author's presentation of her answer to why she wrote her new book. She was giving a 4 part series presentation to sell her book to her audience. She asked for comments after each presentation...

I disagreed with "her" on some of her rationales and thought I don't need to voice my opinion but she she wants feedback, I want to support her wishes, so I wrote my dissent. My dissent was that she insists the "only" way to deal with this problem was "one way, her way" and that everyone will see this when they read her book. Her "way" came with references to a renowned female doctor or "expert" that has studied this problem personality for years... so it must be the answer for all of us too.

I knew the problem and knew another way to handle it, I have lived through it too. Mine was achieved through my own critical thinking skills and taking a different tack that worked for me.

I am not so "egotistically, lovingly" motivated to think I have the answer for everyone. 

Women do not need another woman, another man, another politician, another religion, another government dictating what she needs to do, including what she needs to wear, or how she needs to act.  The woman has a brain and can make these decisions herself.  Supporting her decision with calm objection, is the best way to help her believe in herself. Let her have the last word.

"Differing opinions need to be discussed calmly to find common ground and mutual respect for one another if we are to unite and live together in peace." ~  You can tweet this~ 

Back to my disagreeing comment and punishment, the next day I was blocked from 4 other of this author's female friends' Facebook pages.  I knew they were connected that's how I found each of them in the beginning. I knew I was blocked because I no longer got any of their Facebook feeds the very next day.

If I was hitting home runs at a ballpark I would be given the "Most Valuable Player of the Year Award" 4 birds disconnected with one comment.

Every woman has a mind and can make her own decision and I prefer an author that encourages others to think and decide for self. (Instead of listening to a so called "expert" because she has a PhD and has done multiple studies that prove her point.)  Listen to your heart, what do you believe is the best avenue for you to take for your own safety and the safety of your children's future?  Choose that.

And of these "professional successful" women there are painful divorces and the frustration now to find the "perfect man."  The couples I see in this group of females that are married, (I watch their videos,) the female definitely has the upper hand, and the men are happily following along.

"The perfect man does not exist neither does the perfect woman."~ There's another tweet for you.

Hey, it works for those people, so who am to judge "them"?  My judgement is their upper hand control as seen on video and in writing would not work in all male/female relationships, it would not work in mine.

I also notice these successful businesswomen that blocked me from their private Facebook groups don't mind sending me advertisement after advertisement to my email to buy their next product or book. They want money and will take it from me with no hesitation.

Oh no, I'm the black sheep again, darn it...😜

Dalai Lama, Eckhart Tolle and Byron Katie is a relief to me from such confusion.  To learn to agree to disagree with kindness, to put down all thoughts of greatness because of degrees, fame, and fortune, as my self worth and dive deeper into my psyche to find "I am enough" is worth everything to me now.

That's my Sister Code, dig deep, live free, as I respect myself I respect others.

So writing my own book, maybe, just maybe, I'll meet these American women authors one day, maybe not.  One thing I know, I bought a book or online program from all of them and saw some good information in each of them.  Thanks ladies!

I would have liked to follow them on their Facebook adventures but that is not to be.

These women are wonderful people with good hearts and I'm sure they help many people like them. I believe my book will help many women like me that are tired of being told what to do, and are quite independent and disagreeable. 😀

The world needs a "Sister" code, this includes listening to other opinions, and try to understand another viewpoint, it would help to unite all men and women in the world.

Calling all women in America!  We can still agree to disagree without cutting others off because of an differing opinion. There is more than one way to the top of every mountain. Sister code!