The Universe Comes Through Again! Thank You!

The Universe has my back proved true once again. 

I was in Boston and NYC today and thought, I could use a stylus. 

Returned home to find a sample pen with stylus came in the mail with “The Quail Writer” engraved on it. 

Sure it was a promotion company wanting me to buy more, but this one is free.

Thank you universe!  This universe has your back thinking really works!

Money, Inheritance, Families, You Gotta Love It!

"There is only one class in the community that thinks more about money than the rich, and that is the poor. The poor can think of nothing else." ~ Oscar Wilde

Religion, philosophers teach that to be truly rich, such as happiness and love are not found in material things yet we live in a material world. Truth be that without money it is harder to live. The life where we do not have money, or we think we offer no service or cannot make something of value to make our own money, can cause us to become dependent on a government or someone. We can even become dependent on a "job."  We think if the government or charity does not take care of us, we can't survive.

This kind of thinking I call, "poverty" (i.e.,We cannot take care of ourselves) mentality is ingrained in our minds and can make us believe that without an outside agency we are incapable of making money to take care of ourselves. We think, "We can't run a business."  We have to have a "job."

I think many women believe this more than men. Some women just don't think they can get material things they want any other way unless they marry money. Societies, religions, world-wide kinda promote this to women too. We ladies of today are changing this mentality.

I also think this "poverty" mentality makes some think that "without an inheritance, a lottery winning, a government program to help us personally," we can not make it in this world.

My Sweetheart and I were talking about inheritances last night and how people think if they inherit enough stuff they are safe in this world. Heirs have "poverty" mentality too.

The truth is an inheritance is passed down by relatives who were really good at saving money, land, stuff, but not necessarily "teaching the next generation how to manage or generate more of it" or what to do if they do lose it all.  This mentality of NO CHANGE seems to be the only way to some relatives, however it shuts down progress, closes out the introduction of much needed new innovative ideas, and can cut off relations with family who disagree.  This happens often.

I read in a book years ago that the first generation millionaire makes the money and the next two generations lose it all.

Heirs, instead of focusing on making their own money to add to and multiple the first generation's million, try to find a way to live a meager life that can hold on to that inheritance as long as possible if they stay at home, don't challenge status quo.
 
Other heirs, especially farm families, spend their entire life in self-sacrifice, working 24/7 to hold on to what they have. These heirs have been taught to do anything different that might jeopardize the inherited money or family land would be foolish. So these people are never free to even try to live their life on their terms, to have their own dreams, or make money another way, away from the farm. Taught long enough and often enough it can take the wind out of individual ambitions. Strapped to tradition no matter what the costs, after all life is better than most here on the farm. True.

I heard a rich relative once say,  "Only poor people work, I could not get a job if I wanted, what would that look like to the family?"  (BTW this person had a substantial inheritance not an unlimited one)   I laughed.

"In times of war, the strong make slaves of the weak, in times of peace the rich make slaves of the poor." ~ Oscar wilde

What do you think of Mr. Oscar Wilde? Does he speak truth or error?

Inheritances that take care of itself for the heir, in other words "BIG MONEY" is the only inheritance that will create "residual income" without you having to work. (Ex. Oil fields,etc.) Most Americans do not inherit this kind of BIG MONEY, most have to work to keep what they get.

I witness family members living today in angry lives, spewing hateful words, unhappy, jealousies, addictions, over money, inheritances, land, missed opportunities and I see these same people isolating themselves from relatives.  They have it all but they can't be thankful and happy.

What to do?  Think for yourself, be thankful, be kind, meditate,  focus on your dreams, go for your dreams, you will never get to your dreams by looking back at missed opportunities.        

I study (YouTube) Eckhart Tolle and www.thework.com by Byron Katie. It comforts me, it may you.

$143 Million to The Arts Not Much To Ask Comparatively

Sharon Isbin a classical guitarist was at the Bergen Theater in Englewood, NJ this afternoon and we were too.  The agility of her long fingers to glide effortlessly across the strings making that guitar sound like an orchestra at times is so wonderful to see and hear.  It brings a tear to the eye.

Why do we love the mastery of anything?  I think if any of us has ever tried to do something be it play an instrument, perform a dance, paint a picture with earnest effort we know the discipline it takes on an ongoing basis to master a thing.  The work that goes into it, the pleasure that comes from seeing and hearing it resonates with our essence, the being, within, that is also a master of kindness and beauty.  We feel it. We know it. We appreciate it.  Sounds that soothe the nerves, make listening a joy, cradles your mind into peaceful thoughts.

That is what most classical music does for me.

We saw Sharon Isbin when she was touring with her Road To The Sun cd.  We saw her in Troy Savings Bank Music Hall in 1992.  She was great then and she still is. She teaches at Juilliard School of Music in NYC now and is creating a Ph.D. degree in music there. Juilliard costs $65,000.00 a year so you better be sure this is the life you want.  To be in an orchestra would be good, but to be a star pulling in $100s of $1000s to pay for this education would be less likely, but if you want to do it, go for it.

Otherwise play, put it on YouTube and get discovered like Justin Bieber did.

Thank goodness for technology. Kind of levels the playing field for all of us doesn't it?

"Sharon mentioned the arts gets only $143 million a year donated to help PBS and the arts in American schools, not much to ask to continue music and art in schools and on TV compared to the money it takes to foot the inauguration at a cost of $200 million for any president."

Sharon has a point.

A Walk in the Rain With My Sweetheart

When I was a little girl I loved the rain.  I would walk in the rain every chance I got. My mother did not like me in the rain and said,"Come inside, you will catch your death of cold."  But I loved the rain dripping down my face, cooling me off from the hot southern heat.  The drops on windows were fun to watch trickle down the glass.  The splash of each drop in a puddle.  I loved to wade in the puddles.

Mother finally resorted to scare tactics and told me I could get worms in my feet that would go up my legs from the puddles.  I loved looking at the earthworms that appeared in the puddles from nowhere.  But this scare tactic from Mom did the trick, I did not want worms in my toes.

Years later when I was a teen I would walk in the rain in the woods.  Sticky from hiking, sometimes my clothes would cling to my body soaking wet, an uncomfortable feeling unless I could jump in a creek or river.

Research reveals that "barefoot" seems to be the problem.  Mom was a farm girl and barefoot around animal feces could produce deadly parasites through the bare feet.  Otherwise unless you are in a swamp, jungle, or marsh, it is almost impossible to get a worm from being barefoot but best to not walk in animal feces barefoot.

Today my Sweetheart and went walking on a bike trail to Delmar.  It began to rain, it was getting dark.  I was in a tank top and leggings with hiking boots.  He was in jeans t-shirt and hiking boots.  It began to rain and we turned back to the car.  We walked and walked and it rained harder and harder.  I had my cell phone so I went to YouTube and played Johnny Nash, "I Can See Clearly Now,"  IZ, "Somewhere Over The Rainbow,"  Louis Armstrong, "It's A Wonderful World," as we walked along together.  We did not complain, we did not hurry, we walked, we had about a mile to get back to the car.  Finally it was raining so hard, I decided to put on my fleece coat, (My honey was carrying it for me) to keep my phone from getting wet and the rain out of my eyes.

We walked in silence smiling at the songs I played.  When we arrived at the car we were drenched to the undies.  My Sweetheart said, "That was refreshing!"  I said, "Yes invigorating!"  He said. "That felt great, so nice to enjoy a walk like that once in awhile." I married the right guy.

We both got into the car, turned the heat on and were thankful.  Happy to be here. Simple.

North America is Peaceful, Let's Keep it That Way

Helen Keller was not born a deaf mute. She contracted a disease at 19 months old, it is suspected, scarlet fever that left her thus so.  Her mother was vigilant in getting help for her daughter and because the family had some wealth she was able to find and hire Anne Sullivan to privately teach her.  Anne was also suffering from blindness due to a childhood disease.

Anne's parents were immigrants from Ireland. Her mother died and her father left Anne and her brother at a charitable house for the poor. Her brother died three months later due to a hip ailment. Anne moved to the Perkins Institute for the Blind in Boston, MA.  Here she received several eye operations that made her sight better and enabled her to become a graduate of the school.

It was this school that Helen's mother contacted and it was Anne that was recommended to teach Helen.  Later Anne arranged for Helen to attend Perkins Institute for the Blind and helped her to graduate. From here Helen went to Radcliffe College and became the first deaf blind person to obtain a bachelor's degree, thanks to Anna Sullivan's help and Mark Twain's money. (Magnate of Standard Oil Company, Mr. & Mrs. Henry Rogers helped pay too.)

Helen Keller became a woman who not only was a suffragette but supported socialism. She became a political activist and public speaker to promote women's rights and the plight of the poor in America.

There have been a few movies made about Helen and Anne but my favorite was with Patty Duke and Anne Bancroft "The Miracle Worker" 1962.  You Tube has it for free.

Helen's mother loved her daughter, no doubt but because she did not know how to train her daughter and she felt sorry for her she let her grow up somewhat wild and violent at times.  When Anne Sullivan came to help her Anne knew to really reach her and help Helen to become self reliant and independent, she needed discipline and basic rules of civility rules to get her ready to be successful in navigating the world outside.

Anne Sullivan knew to do the task ahead of her she had to get Helen's mother out of the picture for a while, because her mother let Helen do anything she wanted even if it disrupted the other members of the household lives, and Helen did disrespect other family members, often.  Helen's mother would say, "She has it so much tougher being deaf and blind we have to let her have her way ... after all we can see and hear, we can overlook this bad behavior of Helen."  (No mother, this is not helping anyone, least of all Helen.)

Ms. Sullivan did not agree with Mrs. Keller.  Anne knew Helen is not an animal, she can be taught to be respectful, kind, well mannered, as well as appropriate in behavior in a family. She would teach Helen this quite successfully.

As mothers and fathers who have raised children, we know before a child can walk, she/he must learn how to roll and then crawl.  A baby needs strength, needs to feel safe when rolling and crawling to get to her/his feet. When the basic safety is established a child will stand and walk without fail.

I know, I know, I have a point it's coming... 

The human discipline of civility and peaceful actions to live in a society of law abiding citizens is the same.  We cannot live together in peace if everyone is living according to their personal rules that have no respect for other people's body space and property.  It's common sense to "most" law abiding citizens to respect and care for others and not inflict harm or violence to another. To those that have not been raised in a equally respectful culture, household, this may seem unfounded. Society's laws has to teach them. North America has progressed in this civility quite well and if it is to be maintained, it must be taught by personal example and laws.

So like Anne Sullivan saw the need for basic rules of civility to begin any kind of self reliance and ability to function in society, we as a nation have a duty to teach kindness and respect to our children, and our citizens.  This is why we have laws, when these laws need to be amended, we work to do so, legally, peacefully.

The reasoning to feel sorry for someone as the reason to overlook "bad behavior" does not help anyone.  It not only can cause chaos in a household but can cause chaos in a country and can permit uncivilized violent tendencies learned in another culture to be perpetuated here.

Like Anne Sullivan knew, she could help Helen but Helen needed to first learn to respect basic rules of civility.

We all can live in a peaceful society, going about our business being prosperous and happy but we have a responsibility to teach others how to behavior peacefully.  If others display harmful or violent behavior they need to learn our peaceful ways by the laws of the land.

Our family has to respect others, abide by the law to live in peace.  Others will treat you as you allow them to, to have respectful citizens, we all need to learn laws of civility and teach these peaceful laws to anyone that does not know them.  We are one in purpose, we want peace.

"Wild Geese" by Mary Oliver

You do not have to be good. You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves. Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine. Meanwhile the world goes on. Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain are moving across the landscapes, over the prairies and the deep trees, the mountains and the rivers. Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, are heading home again. Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, the world offers itself to your imagination, calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting - over and over announcing your place in the family of things.

Positive Thinking and "Oblivia" are Different

The fine line between thinking you understand other people's positive thinking and you seeing it as "oblivia" is only misunderstood because of youth.  Youth sees things black and white and you are either for it or against it, there is no solid ground of truth.  So youth fights against the establishment. I know, I did too.  Every generation does and if by some circumstance you are absolutely brought to your knees and everything you thought you knew as absolute, goes to hell, you think it is another person's fault.  I know, I did too one time.

Then I got older, the more I tried to control other people and outside situations the more I became angry and frustrated.  Why did not everyone see things my way?  After all my way is the right way, my way is the most loving way.  I really see what is going on, they don't.  They make me so mad.  I will scream the truth, my truth from the mountain top.  I have a voice!  I will roar.  Then they will hear me, I am the most loving, awake, and kind person in this generation, this world today!

Ego.  Youth gives you a big one, if you are wealthy or pretty, you think even more of your responsibility to everyone.  You have a responsibility to shake them up, wake them up.  I know, I did too.

Reality, it is not your responsibility to wake anyone up but yourself.

Then life throws you a curve ball, a divorce, you didn't see that coming, probably was all the other person's fault, you know best.  A bankruptcy, you lose your house, your job, your car, all circumstances out of your control, someone else did not do something you counted on and now this!

Or you did everything right and now that you are older and have every material thing anyone could ever ask for, you are unhappy.

So youth think that if other people do not think and act like you, us, they are hateful, stupid, uninformed, wrong totally, living in "Oblivia."  I know, I did too.

What I discovered is that all confusion among many different opinions must start with some foundational rules of order.  Everyone cannot have their way all the time.  People are too different and the balance of life will be out of balance.

Religious righteousness makes me judge the other as being wrong, no gray area at all.  I know, I use to think that until one day through studying many philosophers and teachers of peace, I learn the greatest peace is inside of me.  As a matter of fact it is the only peace I have control over.  To waste my time judging others wrong, to waste my time hating anyone for anything is a reflection of me.

I have come to see that when I vigorously dislike another person, I am still vigorously disliking me.  I am not comfortable in a world that does not see me, hear me.  Ego makes me think the big "I" is the only one that sees what is going on and "I" am the only one who knows the best way to solve it.

When others will not do what you want, it makes you angry and angrier. If I don't stop trying to make others do what I say, I will become bitter.  I know, I did too.

The only way back from this dark place of bitterness is to surrender.  Totally, humbly, kindly, knowing that in time things will change in this world with or without me.  The greatest influence I have on this world is in my marriage and my children.  To teach them a better way will make the old way obsolete. And that change begins with ME.

I found peace within and became more peaceful with the world through personal meditation and doing the work with Byron Katie Mitchell. (www.thework.com makes me totally responsible for me, and to focus on what I can control, only my thoughts, me.)  All other false illusions any of us have about controlling others will never work.  Surrender taught me this life is good and getting better every day.

There are People Like MRSA, Stay Away!

MRSA: the Super BUG - Methicillin -Resistant- Staphylococcus-Aureus

A bacterium from several “difficult to treat” infections in humans.

This Super Bug has developed because people who were prescribed antibiotics did not follow directions for the medicine.  To eradicate a bacterial infection you must take all ten days of the antibiotic 2-4 times day until all the meds are finished as directed.

What people did was take the antibiotics for 2-3 days and as they felt better they stopped taking the medicine.

What this caused was a bacteria that was once slowly but surely dying, to recover, and become stronger to overcome that antibiotic.  Next the doctor prescribed another stronger antibiotic, same thing, stop taking it and soon that bacteria develops more resistance and no antibiotic can stop it.  The lesser strength that would have killed off the bacteria if taken for the ten days does not work now.

The result a nasty Super Bug that makes you sick and the stronger the medicine the less it works until there is no medicine to kill the damn super bug and we as humans stay sick.

We did this to ourselves.

Now I pride myself on not getting sick and not taking prescription medicines unless absolutely necessary.  A few years back I was around elementary children and this one angel, 5 y o boy loved to kiss me good-bye.  I always let him but afterward would use alcohol hand cleaner to wipe my cheek because I did not want to get sick.  One day he had a runny nose, a lot of days he did as a matter of fact, I would wipe his nose and he would kiss me good-bye. This day I caught his germ.

Over the weekend I came down with a ferocious cold.  I thought I'll take 12,000 mg of Vitamin C and Zinc and knock this thing out.  I thought thank goodness I don't take multiple antibiotics that make my system weak.  Over the next two weeks I became sicker and sicker.  I could not believe this! I do not get sick and if I do, I get over it quickly.

Stubborn as I am I would not go to the doctor, I can lick this I said.  Finally when I had a fever that would not break for days on end my husband said, "I'm taking you to the doctor, this fever is dangerous for you."  So I went to the doctor.

Doc put me on one antibiotic after another and nothing worked long term, maybe a day or two, but fever back again and I would go back to doctor.  I said, "Why aren't these antibiotics working on me? I never take them, they should work on me, and I have no resistance built up from over usage."

The doctor told me this Super Bug does not depend on you, the Super Bug has built up its own defenses to the meds, and you are just a host.  Damn it...my thinking wrong again.   

Finally I was prescribed Erythromycin that made me itch like crazy and break out all over my torso and arms in red speckled spots.  The doctor told me, "If you can stand the itching, the red spots for a couple of weeks, I think this will cure you."  So I scratched and scratched, stayed out of work, and finally fever broke and with lots of bed rest and water I recovered.  I had not been that sick in decades.  I experienced the Super Bug.  Now I hear science is coming up with new meds to combat that Super Bug, but it has taken a while.

Which brings me to the comparison to people, there are mean, angry people on planet earth, you know them and I know them, and no amount of trying to please them will ever work.  The only way to not be infected by their nefarious accusations and negative attitudes is to not get caught in their drama.  

What to do? If you can move physically away, do. If you can get another job, do.  If you have to stay put for a while until you can make the move, learn to calm your own mind, stay out of conversation or any defense of your actions with them, (Defense first act of war ~ Byron Katie) do your job, speak to clarify only when absolutely necessary, smile to yourself, knowing you are exiting soon. And do it!  Exit!  As soon as possible.

And when you get to higher ground and you will, stay away from MRSA people/relatives. There is no cure, there is only maintenance when dealing with them.  Do not be a host to such negative, toxic, energy, parasites. Choose wisely your circle of influence, keep angry, toxic, people far away from wonderful, kind, you. There are many good people out here, come find us, we are looking for you too! To move towards your dreams, stay away from MRSA personalities.  Definitely do not be friends with them, it hurts you, not them.

Study www.thework.com by Byron Katie Mitchell, it helped me get free, it may help you.

Inner Peace is not Found In Outward Gifts to Others

When I was young I did not know I suffered from undiagnosed depression and ADHD. What I did know is in the hot heat of the south in schools with no air conditioning except an occasional open window, I did not FEEL like doing much of anything. I was lethargic, unmotivated with no reason to do anything outside of what I had to do. (Depression and ADHD added to this low motivation to move)

When I ran into problems with life I had to find answers in an outside source, my mother had no answers outside the Bible, and there is a lot unanswered questions there because of private interpretation. Dad was rarely around if ever.  Mom was practically a single mom raising us.

I knew I felt empty, I needed help and was excited to find a shelf of books at the public library labelled "Self-Help." Who knew? I began to read self-help books at the public library.  I wanted to change into a happier person.  I read and I read and I read some more, I still read.

When the goal is big enough, you will get up and take care of the daily disciplines to get there.

I think now, what became my goal, what did I practice through discipline night and day to accomplish at a young age? After seeing the need to change to be a more positive person, the goal became to "get away from home and stay away." If I was to find ME, I had to get away from old negative influences no matter how well meaning they seemed. I had to begin to UNLEARN harmful habits, harmful thoughts, harmful actions, harmful words. I had to get away, I had to clear the slate of my mind and start anew.

I had to support myself. No trust fund waiting for me. Family tried to talk me out of going, unsafe for a woman out in the world alone. Agree, very unsafe especially when you have no knowledge of how the "real world" works.  I would learn the hard way.  I would learn.

Several things I considered did not pan out but I came across one that looked promising so I took the leap. It turned out not to be the best choice but I made a move. I would do whatever it took to keep moving until I landed on my feet.  The goal was to find ME.  In time I would discover to find me is to find INNER PEACE.  Without this I would never find fulfillment in anything outside of me. No amount of giving, donating, nothing would give me peace or ever FEEL like it was enough. There is a difference between accomplishing a lot and being peaceful inside while doing it. Let go of the longing that you are not doing enough.  Inner Peace. This is a study to find happiness.

Unity Can Be Divisive And Peaceful At The Same Time

I remember when I took an Art Therapy course in Maria College a few years ago, we did a class project.  There was a large white piece of paper on an 8 foot table.  We were all given a marker/crayon/chalk  and asked to draw as inspired on this paper as we moved around all four sides of the table to music.  When the piece was finished, the teacher said we have a choice, we can tear pieces of this artwork and take it home as a memory of this shared creation or we can leave it whole. Everyone wanted to tear it into pieces but I wanted to leave it whole.  The thought of donating it to the college to put in a hallway for all of the students to enjoy, to me, was a way of sharing the creative love.

So the teacher did that. (We could not have it both ways to her way of thinking, but thinking outside the box, we could have had it both ways I discovered later.)

She found a hallway in the college and the piece went up.  Other students (not in the Art Therapy class) did not see what was special about it.  It looked like an abstract that had no meaning. Some even thought it pointless, useless.

Now some of the students who wanted to tear it and keep a piece were OK with not having that piece, but then they did not have a choice, since I wanted it whole.  I began to think how the others can have their wish too, so I took a color photograph of the piece and gave a copy to everyone in the class.  I had my photograph enlarged and framed it.  The other AT students were happy to receive their 3X5 copies.

Years have gone by and I have looked deeper within me.  I think back over that art piece and my wanting to keep it whole and the teacher keeping it whole.  For me to have it my way, other people did not get to have a piece, their way.  I like that I made a photograph for everyone, got in contact with each and gave it to them.

But...was MY way so important?  To have it MY way, "Whole," others did not get their wish.  The piece was taken down and moved elsewhere only to get lost, probably, eventually in the trash.

How much more would the pieces have meant to the individual AT students?

I see this in dividing properties in a will.  If someone wants to keep it whole, the individuals cannot have individual pieces of it but in the end, you can't take it with you.  So why not let others have a fair piece that makes her/him happy?

Unity can mean division.  Diversity of ideas, but unity of purpose, the purpose to respect differing ideas, and live peacefully side by side.

Now that I am older, I could have let everyone have a piece of that art work after I took the photograph because in the end, I have the "whole" in a frame. I would have rather let those have their piece instead of having it end its life in the trash.  I am not that short-sighted anymore.  I realize all I have is this moment and physical things are not worth dividing a family, nation, or an art class of students.

We can live together in peace with differing ideas, we just need to "agree to disagree." To live in unity, respecting each other for who we are knowing having each other, going peacefully through life together, is the greatest accomplishment of all.

Accept Reality then Create New Model

"The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant.  We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift." ~Albert Einstein

The intuitive is defined as: using or based on what one feels to be true without conscious reasoning.

We have given so much of our ability to think away to a church, an institution of higher learning, an authority figure, a tradition, a professor, a teacher, a friend, that we do not dare trust our intuition anymore.  We are so confused and scared and unsure of what is right or wrong we don't know what action to take.  So we cling to society and media sensation to think for us.

This is the place you give over your control, this is the place you lose you.

The truth is only YOU know what is best for YOU.  Deep inside, we are not afraid to do the right thing, to be kind to each other, to support each other. As long as it is legal, morally upright, and ethical, we can reason what we believe is best.

And if something is in need of change, we get busy accepting what is and developing a better plan to make the present one obsolete.   We are one, inner peace first, then outer peace will come.

Whose Life are you Living?

How many of my actions and emotions come from a culmination of past generations?  All our limitations and feelings of success come down through teachings/actions of our parents and grandparents.

Think about it...

Were your folks successful/unsuccessful in business? Academics? Sports? Science? Employment? Etc.?

or

Do you not know your relatives?

Are you motivated to do something different?  Why or why not?

Whose life are you living? The one you want to live or the one you are expected to live? Or have you settled for this?

Every situation is a choice.   (Bob Proctor teaches "The Paradigm Shift" if you want to change.)

Whatever you choose, be happy. This may be the only chance you get.

Anger the Unsustainable Fuel

"There is no more stupefying thing than anger, nothing more bent on its own strength.  If successful, none more arrogant, if foiled, none more insane----since it's not driven back by weariness even defeat, when fortune removes its adversary it turns its teeth on itself.  ~ Lucius Annaeus Seneca, On Anger,3.1.5

Anger may at first seem to be the perfect catalyst for justice when wronged.  Being called, "Fat" may make you mad enough to get in shape, growing up in poverty may make you angry enough to work to become a millionaire, growing up unnoticed may make you mad enough to become a celebrity, etc. but the fuel of anger will not sustain anyone for a lifetime.  To be fueled by anger is the need to find more of it because this kind of fuel runs out after a time, it is exhausting to stay angry.

To do something selfless is never tiring.

I met a woman in a salon in Farmsville, VA.  She use to travel with Paul Mitchell years ago, the famous hair product line millionaire.  She was a trainer for his company and she taught the use of the product line to new locations that opened all over the world. She settled here in VA in her mother's salon.  She said one of the things she admired most about Paul was, when he arrived in any situation and there were heated arguments going on, he first words were. "How can I help?" It was his positive attitude and willingness to figure things out instead of yelling and blaming others that she felt made him the success he became.  She had great respect for him.

We all know there are some business owners both male/female who got to the top of their game by yelling and intimidation, this does work, but not for long term.  Employees eventually move on when the opportunity arises, no one likes to work in a pressure cooker.  Anger causes a pollution in its wake.  It wears the body of the one carrying it down until the only source left is anger at oneself.

"Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK Jr.

Anger is toxic fuel and there is enough of it in the world today without me adding to it.  I have had to overcome so much anger in my own life and have found ways to do it.  Once I recognize the anger in me and then accept I am responsibility for the angry out look of my life, I can begin to awaken into a peaceful existence.  No one is to blame for anything in my life except me.

Kindness, charity, thankfulness to life, these are sustainable, it is the essence of who we are. It is the thoughts of our mind that make it so.

  

Valentine Dinner with AAA

"Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle, some things are within your control and some things are not."  ~ Epictetus

Where did we begin to think that everything that happens to us is our fault?  I think it may be with a misguided translation of the scriptures.  If you think every physical occurrence is my fault then we birth the seeds of shame and guilt.  These two emotions can steal more time and kill your dreams quicker than any outside force.

I do subscribe to the thoughts that when it applies to human relationships one with another, we take responsibility for our part in them good or bad, but when it comes to accidents, sickness, deformities, mental illnesses, earthquakes, hurricanes, floods, wild winds, or a Jamaica triangle, in and of itself, we have no control. No "sin" or fault of our own caused any of these. To think otherwise is to be fully caught up in my ego.

Last night was such an occurrence.  We had spent the day at a ski resort.  At the end of the day we had a romantic Valentine dinner to attend in Williamstown, MA. just down the road.  On a dark back road a wheel flew off our car leaving us stuck on the side of the road.  Thankfully we called triple A and a tow truck was sent and gave us a tow to our house.  We had nothing to do with this.  The car was up to inspection and we were driving safely.

So the incident became one of being in the present moment happy to be safe, warm, and with each other while we waited for the truck.  We talked of Byron Katie and the Stoics that teach "Everything is fine as it is, we need only accept and be in control of our mind."  Learning how to do this is hard sometimes and easy other times if we seek to practice this daily, and we do.

So we dreamed of our future business plans and where we want to travel.  We find that the more flexible we are with the outcome of our daily lives, the easier it is to think good thoughts.  It is when we get stuck wanting to control every physical outside occurrence is where the stress and anger comes into our mind. We returned home safe that night. Dinner would have to wait to another day.

Later that same night I went to work in my new car.  Once there my car died. So I could not work.  I waited 4 hours for another tow truck to come tow my car back to the dealership.  I was cold, tired, and coming down with a head cold.  I bundled up with a blanket I had in my car, pushed my car off the road, and tried to rest.  Radio and heater did not work battery dead.

As I sat there cold, I begin to think how I could never imagine having to be towed two days in a row? We have not needed a tow truck in years, now we needed one back to back.  I was so thankful for AAA plus.  I was so thankful for being in the USA, safe, knowing I have family and friends waiting for me.

Soon I could only think of Byron Katie and how thankful I am for her teachings of the work she does and the internet to see her teach live.  We live in an age where there are many mentors alive today to help us.  Every generation of people on earth have person(s) that are fully awake and ready to share what they discovered and how to get there if we only look. Thankful to the stoics, thankful for the present living teachers... Thankful, always thankful.

Your Valentine is Looking for You Too

All the great sages of the world teach to look to the animals to witness presence.  Animals take everything in stride, without preconceived ideas of right or wrong.

Children, when born and the first few years 6 or 7 are so innocent in understanding and give allegiance to anyone, even someone that is cruel or neglects them.

This innocence is good when you are young, it protects you when you have no choice, it is not good when you get older and know kindness from violence.

Where did we learn to love someone means you forgive them again and again and stay with them when they treat you badly again and again?  Religion? Society? Culture? Tradition?

We have to unlearn this... to be loving to one's self we must see reality.

We have to learn that there are good loving people in the world like us.  No one is perfect but someone will be kind and helpful to you 24/7, wait for this person. 

Someone is waiting for you too. Someone is looking for you.

Love is kindness, not putting up with being treated badly was wise on my part. He not putting up with me treating him badly was wise of him.  We learn to set boundaries so we both respected each other.

Face it we learn our bad behaviors in a "loving" relationship from our dysfunctional family and environments.  There is much "unlearning to be done" if we are to "learn" good behaviors for the first time in our present relationship.

Do not concern yourself with leaving that angry person who is unkind to you or worry that he/she will be lonely... that person will find another abusive partner.  Sleepwalkers. You can spot these people because they want to harm or control anyone that does not think like them.

I do not want to be among the sleepwalkers.  So I practice presence and waking up daily. (Eckhart Tolle The Power Of  NOW)  This is a lifetime journey for me to become awake and stay awake.

It is not easy to unlearn harmful behaviors but you can do it.  When you stop harming yourself, you stop harming others, and you do not let others harm you.  Do it, choose to be kind to yourself.

Agree to disagree without name calling, shaming another, and losing faith.  All will be well.

Go find your kind mate/friend and live happy.  "The Universe is a friendly place." ~ Byron Katie

Emotions Have no Stop Sign

To have a “Chip on your shoulder”:  according to a British dictionary: refers to the act of holding a grudge that readily provokes disputation.  To seem angry all the time because you think you have been treated unfairly or you feel you are not as good as other people.”

“Drama:   is an exciting, emotional, or unexpected series of events and circumstances. A composition in prose or verse involving conflict, any situation of events having vivid, emotional, conflicting, or striking interest or results.”

Marilyn Monroe was talented but she had a rough start in life. She was shuffled between 12 foster homes while growing up and married at 16 to get out of the foster care system to a 20 year old man who was good to her.  She got into modeling and the movies and was told she could not be a star and be married or have children. She divorced.  Hollywood caused many of the female stars to get abortions to continue their career.  Many women had sex with movie producers, directors, etc. to get a part, and Marilyn was among these. 

Women with more self-respect and confidence, like Katherine Hepburn and Jane Russell got far in Hollywood without doing sexual favors.  Marilyn thought she had no choice and she wanted to be a star more than anything, she wanted to be important, for someone to notice her, she wanted fame more than riches and would get it at all costs to her personally. 

Jane Russell worked with her and saw her great talent.  She knew MM could make it without being pushed around but she could not convince “low self-esteem MM” to believe it.  Because of this MM always had a chip on her shoulder about the men that used her and how unfair it was.  Jane Russell later would say, “If MM had a thicker skin and could let things go, she would have been better off in Hollywood.  She always had a “chip on her shoulder” and that made her life hard. She was a sweet girl.”

There are laws of nature that will absolutely stop you in your tracks if you do not obey. Come to edge of a cliff, stop or you will fall off,  drive a car too hard you will burn up the engine, the car will stop, a brown recluse spider bites you will die. 

But when it comes to emotions there seems to be no stop sign.  Somehow if we feel something is right then it must be. Constant confrontation does not work.  Constant yelling does not work. Constant insulting the other does not work.

Instead of seeing only the contrast in disagreement, let’s try looking for similarities and begin from there in a positive direction for all.

This “emotional free range thinking” causes division and harm, the most stress comes to the person carrying the chip on her/his shoulder.

Fundamental emotionally enraged people do not have self-restraint. They actually believe their way is the only way and there is no other way to achieve good for all except theirs. But the problem is they are trying to control the outside world instead of doing their work on the inside. Peace begins with the man/woman in the mirror.  Until our mind is peaceful we will never achieve world peace.    

When in Doubt, Add Three

Pipka came to Albany, NY to teach her unique folk art European Santa designs at a local hotel.  She was so well established by then if you did not sign up early it was a sold out event.  In the hotel there were back to back 12 foot banquet tables in three length wise rows in a huge room.  Chairs were lined up on either side of the line and there was elbow room to move as you painted.

I think I saw her painting book at an art store I visited often for supplies.  I love Christmas and Santas and her designs were antique looking, Colonial Williamsburg type.  I bought her video and although it was pretty clear, I knew to see her in action would seal the process. It was a one day workshop and when I came in the room it was fun to find your seat and have the wood cut out of the Santa at your seat with all the paints I bought for the project and my new brushes.

Pipka was cordial and smiled but I could see she was a bit reserved in presentation. She painted the Santa in front of us as she stood by her easel and then made a point to come around to each of us to ensure we had the idea.  What I learned that day was, if you really know how to paint, it does not matter whether you use a flat brush or round one.  She went from student to student and would take whatever size brush each student had loaded with paint and with our permission begin to paint on our masterpiece.  She could make a flat brush technique turn out perfectly with a round brush and vice versa.

I spoke to her in person on a break.  Her Santas fascinate me because they involve very intricate details and the more you paint, the more beautiful the piece becomes. I am always interested in any woman who has her own business because that was always a dream of mine. Her idea for each design come from "Santas" or "gift givers" from countries all over the world. It takes her up to 6 months to study and gather the material she needs to create her Santa. She likes to clothe them and portray the particular gifts for that culture.

She told me she is traveling teaching in person now but she really wanted a workshop in her home, WI.  (1990s) She loved to cook and wanted to serve her Grandmother's recipes at her work and gift shop someday.  She got the nickname "Pipka" (Czechoslovakian) from her mother.  (I think this means Baby Girl, she told me but I can't be sure.)

Her dream came true and she sells her Santa originals many places now.  She has her home studio and teaches classes in there in Sister Bay, WI. You can buy her Santas online and Amazon.

Whenever I create art or do a floral arrangement, a table decoration, and I'm in doubt about "is this too much? or too little?" I laugh and remember Pipka and what she told me in her art class...
I remember putting gold dots on my piece and I began to think it was too much and I asked her, "How do you know when enough is enough?"

She smiled and said, "My motto is whenever in doubt add three more!" And so I do.

Knowing When YOU Need to Set Boundaries

When sleepwalkers hurt, yell, harm, kill a relationship, hurt children, hurt animals, hurt others, constantly controlling where you go, who you are with, divide you from your siblings, children, family, friends, and continue to be angry constantly, these people are not in touch with being alive.  When someone is not in touch with the joy of being alive he/she is dead inside. And when someone is dead inside he/she will lash out to feel something other than deadness inside. 

This mind/body will cause drama, war, division, judgments to feel something, to feel anything to feel alive.  He/She will seek to harm others and him/herself these people refuse to wake up. 

I use to be angry but I have never been cruel or divisive. I have never been this "dead" inside. To be physically violent is not in me.  One day I decided I can't live with my own anger anymore, I do not want to be a "victim" anymore and I sought answers. I wanted to awaken. We are all asleep in different degrees until we are not.  The more angry and violent a person is, the more asleep he/she is.  If you are not that dead inside, you must get away.  It is not your job to awaken anyone, in fact you cannot do it, the other must want to awaken and do their own work.

The scariest part for sleepwalkers is to look within, to change our negative thoughts to positive ones, to change our environment if necessary to become more in control of ourself.  We must do the work to heal ourself, no one else can.  It is not easy, but it will work in time, with daily practice. I continue to do the work daily to become more in touch with my good, loving, essence.  I want peace. It starts with me. It takes discipline.

Through it all I have discovered that when I am awake, I see the essence in my Sweetheart clearer.  As I see his essence clearer, we connect more on an emotional level, we have much more harmony between us.

One author, describes a successful marriage as one that is not a friendship but a mate on the same spiritual path you are. My experience is that I alone need to find my own path to inner peace, live accordingly, alive, present, and my significant other will be the best because I see him/her that way. If the other is not longing to be awake, I will not be their teacher. I will not sacrifice my life for their unhappiness.  They must find their own teacher when they decide to wake up.

You and I can set boundaries if the other person is not awake and is unkind to us. I absolutely do not let another abuse me, my children or animals.  

Love is not a feel good emotion.  Love is a recognition of the loving essence in you and her/him.  If you are around an angry, violent, self-destructive, or controlling partner, this is not love. Get out.  You deserve to be loved and respected but it starts with loving and respecting yourself first. Without this you will never make a move.  

True Love is Beyond Emotion ~ ET

What is it to be awake according to spiritual teachers?  The thought of spiritually awakening sounds so woo-woo.  I am not a fan of believing in chakras, Feng shui, tarot cards, mediums communicating with the other side, crystal balls, not even tales from the KJV Bible.  Holy Ghost, no.  Whatever God is to me it is not woo-woo, it is reality.  If God is reality then let's deal with it.  

Buddhism attracted me later in life as I sought more knowledge about what God is and how God is in my life.  I discovered long ago that God does not exists in another person any more than me.  So to try to convince me to give my life to Christ never settled in my mind, sounds woo-woo. And why would I give my life to the church when I did not ask the church or Jesus to give his life for me?  I did not need saving.  I am not a sinner.

None of us are.  We are born innocent but through the ages since the beginning of time we have become so fearful of being here, that we have lost touch with the essence of who we are and what we are meant to be.  Living has to be simple.  To want to take your life, (I have been suicidal a few times in this life) as have some of my family members, is to miss the boat of being here.  We are not here to be perfect, we are here to make mistakes, laugh, figure out our next adventure and be happy in the process.  How did I discover this?  I kept seeking answers to every negative thing that happened in my life.  Blaming others never helps to heal anything and expecting someone to care who will not is a waste of time.

So it does not take long for anyone to discover that the answers to life come from within. No amount of praying, achieving another diploma, money, status, recognition of any kind, makes you want to live. Look around, look at Robin Williams.  Look closer to your home, who in your family is stuck in bitterness and anger?  Who in your family is an addict? This includes addiction to food, addiction to a self-image of beauty, and that insidious negative thinking? Negative thoughts are the sneakiest because there are no outward appearances of this unless you speak your negative venom to others and treat them poorly.  

My personal study of watching relatives spew angry accusations and negative judgments at family members have been disheartening to witness.  One would expect family to be happy when you achieve anything but this is not the case in some families.  My husband and I being genuinely happy for others and always glad when they receive anything they hoped for, worked for... I could not believe a family member would be jealous or wish harm to his brother. I could not believe an aunt, uncle, or Grandfather would see nothing good in me or my family. I was just a child when these hurtful words were said to me. I never forgot it.  I forgave but I don't forget. My family claimed to be Christian but they said and did cruel things to us. I remember when I did these things too. I began to say to myself and my husband, "These people are sleepwalkers."  It is like they don't have their eyes open to the world and the joy of living, the joy of having family around, they are dead inside.

This is very hard to say to yourself knowing that to KNOW this, I would have to remove myself from that negative environment to heal myself.  It can be scary.  But if you love yourself, you must put your needs first to recover from the damage of hateful words from so called "Loving" relatives.  The truth is these people are not loving.  What is good to know is that you can leave, follow your dreams, be positive to yourself and the others you meet and find your purpose and inner peace.  Yes I mean physically leave if need be. 

When we left our family environment we began to wake up.  My husband left his family mentally long before he met me and I left mine physically long before I met him.

When we met each other we found kindred spirits.  We were rebellious, angry, sensitive, deeply flawed, and passionately drawn to one another, yes we were in love with one another.  So we set the date and said, "I do." 

Years have gone by, many situations we have overcome together through raising a family of our own and leaving the others behind.  It was not easy.  We began to wake up a couple of decades into the marriage. I know, I know, you may say, that's a long time to wait, but I told you I was stubborn right?

Eckhart Tolle teaches in an interview he did with Tami Simon called, The Longing is Already A Part of the Awakening can be heard on YouTube.  

ET ~ Emotion is neediness of an attachment to another.

Love is not an emotion, it is much deeper. Empathy is not an emotion, Loving kindness is not an emotion, these are consciousness of essence of who you are.

When you recognize this same essence, this aliveness, this feeling in another, you love them.  That is why you love a dog, not for its fur, shape, bones, but you recognize the essence of yourself in their eyes.  ~ 

Do You Know Yourself? When You Do, Doubt Disappears

Peace, peace, “Everything happens for you not to you.”  I just finished writing a blog and I do not know how but with a slip on the keys I deleted the entire article.  So I begin again with no stress or sense of loss as I realize to think any other way is wasted energy. It worked now hopefully I can get there quickly another day too. Thank you Eckhart for this teaching.

I was writing about how I do not make decisions quickly concerning big life changes or spending big money.  No matter how sure I am at the “moment” that I need to absolutely do this, I don’t! I go home and think about it. Many times I sleep on it. I believe if it is meant to be, it will be there tomorrow, if not, no big deal. I’ll find something better.

I research everything.  I am not easily influenced by anyone or anything. I’m stubborn like that, and I think stubborn is a good quality.  If I am not convinced I have all the facts to make an informed decision I will not make it.  If I let someone I love and trust help me make a decision, there is much, much talk.  I still may go with my own decision, I always do.  Probably this characteristic is why I like Byron Katie Mitchell’s teachings of “Loving What Is.”  She makes everyone wake up to the fact that you are responsible for what you think and do at all times.  To believe anything else is madness. 

It is your life and in this country, you are free to live on your terms as long as you don’t harm anyone.

One of my core beliefs I developed as an adult is that my life is my own. 

When I was young I did not know this, too many outside sources influenced me, wrongly. I did not know who I was yet. The Bible told me I was a sinner, turns out I am not.  Society told me the rules to being a wife, mother, and woman, turns out I make my own rules about this now. 

So I learned to trust myself.  I read books, studied motivational seminars, listen to the news and decided for myself what I thought. I learned to know my mind and all of us eventually know right from wrong, we have consequences of bad choices and a conscious.  When I know someone is harmful, unsupportive of me, uninterested in my opinions, I know they are not conducive to my well being, I steer clear of being in their presence. There are good people out here, you will find them.  

I also have a core belief that I deserve to be loved and respected because I give that to everyone I meet. I respect myself now.  I would never abide anyone hitting me, neither would I hit anyone else in a relationship of love.  Not even one hit, I would have them arrested no hesitation.  Some women say, “If he hits you once it’s only a matter of time before he’ll do it again.”  I would not wait for the second time. One strike, you are out, life is too short for this.  I would not abide anyone beating a child or animal either.  

There are many men and women in this world that are friendly and loving.  We can find them, they are not hiding.

I have been many places by myself and my mother ask, “Aren’t you afraid?’  I say. “No because I trust me.”   I trust me, I know that in whatever situation I am in, I will land on my feet, I can handle it.  But I will be wise.  You know what feels right, do that.  And if you are not sure do this...

Ask yourself when making any decision, “Do I feel contracted doing that, or expanded doing that?”  Translation, contracted means NO, expanded means YES. That’s your good heart talking to you, trust it. Go with it.  Live by your good core beliefs, it is your life.

I knew an older woman that I helped in her final years because she had no husband or children.  I became her power of attorney and managed her affairs from her home to the nursing home and burial. She referred to herself as a 'Black Protestant,' and she loved life, marriage, and men. She was a good woman who never cussed and she gave money to everyone that asked her for it.  

She told me once, “The only difference between me and you, is I am older and I don’t give a damn what people think of me, I speak my mind.” She knew herself, she knew she was good, she knew she was kind hearted and open to loving everyone.  I loved her and she loved me.

And, “No.” If you are wondering, this is not the article I was writing before, when I write,

I let it flow and whatever I write I go with it.

Seeing is Believing Is Not Always True

Pema Chodron does a great teaching in Pure Meditation  on the mind and how it can trick you into believing impossible things.  The story is of an Indian who went into a coma and awakened in a white man's village.  The mythology of the Indian was that when you die you go through tunnels to get to the other side of death which was water.

When he awoke in the white man's village they took him by train on a long journey through many tunnels to a town on the ocean.  How he got to the village is a mystery and why he was transported by train is unknown but the point of the story is he lived the rest of his life believing he was dead.  He saw the rest of his life as his life on the other side.  This is mind blowing to think he actually thought this.

Your mind can talk you into anything.  This five senses life has great influence on what we think, so uncertain at times, that we can easily be convinced to be afraid of something new.  In time with life experience we begin to see answers more clearly.  Fear is a natural reaction we all experience at times but as we become older we begin to fear less.  We begin to see new situations as an opportunity to use reason and logic to find solutions. We also learn the freedom to change course and try something new if needed.

To live each day seeing every challenge as a situation to be navigated instead of a problem to be solved does eliminate a lot of stress.

 

Let Our Existence Be a Rebellion

Stories of family dynamics fascinate me.  As revealed in my earlier posts I came from a family that had low expectations and little self-esteem.  The result was kids that could not wait to leave home. We kids ran amuck blindly in the world trying to find a way to fit in this chaotic world.  None of us knew anything but Bible verses that did not give clarity to our young minds.  So we sinned, damnation and hell fire were not enough to stop us.  And we paid the price of those decisions.

Now another family dynamic I know of, did not let up on the children until the children did what Mom and Dad accomplished or asked.  Go to the same college, go into the military, practice that violin 4-6 hours a day, become a dentist, a doctor, a lawyer, something with prestige and status that all the world and the family will be proud of, climb a mountain, do something "ordinary people don't do," climb Mt. Everest, (That is a mountain to be proud of) and if you don't...you are not worthy of your culture, heritage, religion, family, expectations.  You are not worth celebrating. 

Wow which would I choose of the two extremes?  Some of us don't get to choose, most don't.  We are brainwashed in every environment we are raised in and we learn self-image early, good or bad, pressured or unsupervised, we learn. We can't choose, it is what it is to a child.

What this thinking does not teach you is that when you value only the degrees and accomplishments of yourself and others, you judge others as well.  The people I admire are people who have accomplished many things stage, any degree, certification, homemaker, policeman, gas station attendant, cashiers, retail, artist, nurses, receptionist, hostess, maintenance engineer, teacher, business owners, etc. and found their niche/happiness and in the process... 

That all persons as equally important in their duties, we are one.

People, all people, I have loved them since I was born. I truly see everyone as a good acquaintance and welcome their influence on me until their actions prove otherwise.  Then I set boundaries.  I don't judge them as unnecessary, I judge that we have nothing to offer one another, if common ground of respect of differences and an eagerness to learn from one another is not there, I am wasting my time and theirs. Angry, yelling, threatening people seeing no good in others whatsoever are not productive and interest me the least. I'm so tired of being angry, I want peace. It starts with me.

Time cannot be replaced, who I spend my time with can.  It takes a long internal examination of both of us for me to become friends with someone.  Friends are sacred to me.

I love and respect children. They have no preconceived ideas of anger or bitterness, no baggage yet, so eager to learn science and how things work, so easily entertained with play dough and paints. Kids get so amazed at a high light marker, (Me too).  Their simplicity of wonder needs to be preserved for their lifetime, to unplug and play as an adult is such a wonderful thing.  It can make you happy, it can give you a mini-vacation in your hectic day.  I still spin around in an office chair when no one is looking.  😁  

Pressure to perform, pressure from family to perform, pressure to carry on traditions/rituals you don't agree with or enjoy, pressure to be responsible is "no freedom" or "fun." 

To perform because you choose to perform, to be responsible because you love others and you choose to take care because you enjoy having a significant other and friends that support your endeavors and fun activities together...Priceless!  You choose, pressure gone, this is nice!

If your goal is to be happy and in a healthy relationship it is available to us all. You don't need to analyze everything to death to prove you are wrong or right, you need to relax.  When you truly love someone, see things from their point of view.  Sleep on it.  Take up the discussion with renewed thinking after a meal, a good night's rest, smoke a peace pipe, go for a walk, unplug, see your life in the bigger picture, see the other person's life in a bigger picture, choose to agree to disagree. You don't need lofty accomplishments or another seminar, (Maybe YOU do), you need a heart and confidence that to be you is enough and to be the other person is enough for him/her too.  YouTube seminars and videos are free, books are free, and we can take advantage of these for free. You don’t need money to become educated, peace loving or free in your mind, you need only a desire to achieve the peace you seek.

An angry relative called me, "A simpleton" once because I did not feed into his rage.  What he was not aware of is this; I see his rage, and raise him two kindnesses, to unplug from angry situations the world of war and constant argument is my way.  “Defense is the first act of war” ~ Byron Katie.  I want peace. To have peace does not mean you let someone walk all over you. But that is another blog another day...

Therapist On Speed Dial?

Following a few bloggers I get a kick out of the ones that face a crisis and head for the phone to call a therapist, they just happen to have one on speed dial.  Some of these bloggers are quick to tell you they have an Ivy League education or this accomplishment, author, doctor, lawyer, scientist, teacher, etc., yet when a personal situation presents they can't get passed it unless they call a therapist on speed dial.  

The idea of sitting with it, listening to the other person and practicing patience is out! They want an answer now and not from the other person!

The rest of us, those that don't have a therapist on speed dial or are used to figuring things out for ourselves have to practice patience.  Listen to our friend, spouse, our children, and find ways to make peace with them.  The rest of us search to access new information through observation, friends, study and apply what we learn on our own through life experiences.  (YouTube has many, many, free seminars and books online to listen to for free and my favorite www.thework.com by Byron Katie, did I mention this was free?)

Learning to meditate daily to calm the mind, learning to respond and not react, came to me through listening to Pema Chodren, Thich Nhat Hanh, Deepak Chopra, Dali Lama, etc.  But I had to do the practice daily until I learned to be patient.  I found I had so much anger to placate, it took some time.

Eckhart Tolle A New World is an interesting study to check out "collective consciousness." It took me some time to become part of the waking world, a process I continue daily.  I understand now when Buddha taught it is harder for a wealthy person to awaken than one that has no wealth.  If you have worked so hard to become a title, to achieve a position, to have more than most, you do not easily want to give up an identity you have slaved years to obtain.  Yet it is in the giving up, you find yourself peaceful...Eckhart's teaching not mine.

And then there is good old "sticktoitness" that makes me look within to see things from the other person's point of view.  Probably the biggest help I received from studying Buddhism is to accept that "in every situation I find myself, what part did I play in it?"  Taking responsibility for every aspect of my life, the good and the bad really helped me to see my big ego that likes to be right daily.

Anyway, for the rest of us, I'm saying, we can achieve the same successful results without speed dial therapists, many of us have to do the work ourselves.  We can figure this life out, the answers are within, wherever we find it, good.  It is for free, all roads lead to the same truth.  We don't need speed dial therapist or another seminar, we need to look within. The mind has wonderful reasoning tools when you use it.

Pajama Party Every Night with my Best Friend, Yes!

The first clue I see in anything I read or hear as being dangerous to completely believe is this phrase, "This is the only way” or "This is the best..."  I have come to see that for anyone to claim this is to judge that any other way is not viable or good.  This cannot be true.  I'll tell you why.

The KJV of the Bible teaches homosexuality is wrong. Many Christians believe that this Bible is "the only truth."  Christians have brainwashed themselves to believe "the only way to God is through confessing JC as your lord and savior."

But... I had a baby.  I was so in love with this little fellow that I knew nothing in heaven or earth would ever separate me from the love I have for him.  As I held this precious little human in my arms, I began to create scenarios of life to see if I could see any scenario that I would not love him, disown him, or not try to help him, I could not find one.  If I could love my son if he told me he was gay, how could God not love him too?  I am not greater than God. The KJV is not "the only truth." (Has to be faulty because it was written by humans) 

In books that Harvard Grads, scientists like Einstein, doctors like Dr. Dyer write, or Gandhi, Sister Teresa, the Pope, everyone gets caught up in the degrees, the universities, the position of power, worldly accomplishments, we tend to believe everything they write or say, but this is not necessary to find your own path of peace.  They do not have "the only way." We are as great as each of these people with or without the titles and accomplishments or books they write.

Sometimes when I hear another story of all the great sacrifice and travel to another spiritual teacher to find their peace, it exhausts me. Some of these intellectuals travel for years, spend lots of money, work hard to get another degree, spend hours in silence, go without food, to find their peace when it is as close as a thought. Intellectuals are wonderful to have conversations with, I learn so much from them, however, except for memorizing history from other books they study, they regurgitate their version of what has already been written or found as truth. "Nothing new under the sun."

Some have such a complicated road back from addictions and violence that we all "need not" follow their path.  Their path is not "the only way."  Some of their path is so complicated and unnatural, that they lose sight of just being present in the moment in a feeling of acceptance.  Truth is simple.  To seek the truth is simple when you have patience to seek it, and decide not to be self-destructive with addictions in the pursuit of it.

Separation of our self, believing we are a separate being such as "Body and Soul" is another way of dividing us one from another.  To see yourself as a whole, not separate, but to realize we do things that are harmful to our self and others would naturally lead us to examining our thoughts.  Thoughts lead to actions, actions lead to outcomes.  The outcomes tell us if we are on the right road or need to get new information to travel another road. If we keep trying until we achieve the success we seek, we will learn how to get there. Many roads to the top of the mountain, at the top is the same truth.

The book I just finished The Seat of the Soul by Gary Zukav, has its own definition of friendship and teaches marriage is not a friendship. It should be a commitment to a "spiritual partnership" or it will not last. A friendship says he, "Is to make you feel good, not honest feedback."  That is why he believes most marriages fail.  

Ok I hear you Gary, but I have often said, "I do not have a lot of friends because friends are sacred to me.  A friend is someone who will be with you through good times and bad.  A friend is someone who will always be there no matter what, help you get on the right track when you are off it, never give up on you.  A friend celebrates your successes and holds your hand when you fail, a friend loves to spend time with you every chance they get. A friend to me is a rare thing. If you have one in this life you are lucky, to find two is a miracle” ~LMS

Acquaintances are people you hang out with at a party, dance with for fun at a lounge/bar, go out to eat with you for jokes and meaningless conversations that entertain but go nowhere.  Acquaintances travel on tour boats together, go to concerts with you, play golf with you, go to sporting events, drink beer with you on Superbowl Sunday, acquaintances can be fun short term but a FRIEND is something special to me.  I do not have many friends but I have many acquaintances. Good folks these acquaintances, needed for good times but unreliable in bad times.  Acquaintances can suck the life out of you if you do not set boundaries.  These people are affectionately known as "Psychic Vampires."  Beware their bite! You may be unhappy if you marry one.

I have learned that I have been a "friend" to acquaintances and those people did not last long in my life.  I thought we have been through good times and bad times, I helped every way I can only to find when they no longer needed my help, and they never contacted me again. This made me sad.  After years of experiencing helping others, I see I need to set boundaries with acquaintances.  But to do this I have to define what an acquaintance looks like.  There are people unlike me who will use anyone to get what they want.  These are so afraid they cannot help themselves that they leaned on me and I gave too much at times.

I am not saying I would not help an acquaintance I am saying I would not put my emotional expectations on such a person for that person cannot or will not reciprocate the same to me.

Back to this book...To disagree with this Harvard grad, oh my! I married my best friend.  I did not marry him to complete me, I knew no one can do that long before that Jerry McGuire movie was made.  That line in the movie made me and others gag when we heard it. Hollywood movies do not define the public's morals even though Hollywood may think so.  

Yes there are many of us that think for ourselves, do not need to go to another spiritual retreat to hear the truth.  We do not need to discuss in great detail how to communicate to the one we love and define our relationship with a therapist.  Thank God, if life were that complicated to all of us we all could not find the truth. 

So to books written by these complicated intellectuals I say, thank goodness you found your release from your destructive behaviors, and may your book help others such as you, but for me, I do not need explanations of reincarnation or karma to live a good life. I do not need to see animals going extinct as a way of telling humans to care for the environment. I see I want to take care of the planet and be a peaceful person that cares and helps when I can because I have a good conscious and want to. So do many of us.

Some people cannot find their way without a therapist on speed dial, a specific road map, another seminar, another religious guru, another spiritual experience, another therapist session, another book to define every detail of their relationship and what a good one looks like and a bad one looks like. So afraid of just living taking the good, the bad, the ugly, and finding the silver lining of learning in every situation, being patient.  

My way is not "the only way," my way is to believe you will find your way to peace in your time in your way. I found mine through reading many books and deciding for myself what truth leads me to my inner peace. One theme throughout the discovery of truth for everyone seems to be a situation that we discover is bad, and we are completely out of control of it.  It's called "surrender." I surrendered without outward addictions, my addiction was automatic negative thinking. I'm still working on it... Namaste.