When Anger Turns to Hatred It Loses Its Effect/ or The Way To Inner Peace Is Not Hate

Anyone that is human knows that anger is an emotion that can motivate someone to "DO" something, but what if the anger turns to "hatred?"

Anger when used in the context of protecting can be effective but when this anger turns to hatred, then violence enters.  So hard to explain good anger from extreme anger, but in plain speech written in every sacred text about living with others this is the differentiation.

To get angry is a sign of the need to do something, but to let this anger grow into a hatred and wish harm to another is insanity. If we are to learn to live in peace we must learn to control our minds and actions.  When the line is crossed you will know it.

A thought that was expressed in a book I was reading about obtaining inner peace was this: "If you believe all humans are basically bad or flawed, then why get angry when they do something bad? This is like knowing there is a fire and getting upset that it gives out heat.

If on the other hand you believe all humans are basically good, then why get angry when a mistake is made? This is like looking at a blue sky and getting mad there are clouds in it sometimes."

Either way, keeping our anger in check helps us to be good to ourselves and in this we are good to all.

Thankful to seek and find the text that resonates with me.

DeLille Did the Impossible Way Back When

She was born a Creole in New Orleans in 1812. Brought up in the tradition of the placage system by her mother. It was considered the best position for a woman of color at this time, but Henriette disagreed.  In this system the French and Spanish colonies in the South adopted this extra-legal agreement for white men of means to make arrangements with the mothers of half black women to "Buy" the female child a lifestyle in exchange for a beautiful, dutiful woman in a common law marriage.  This free slave woman could live the life of a plantation owner's wife without being one, a wife I mean.

In exchange they raised a family together for 25 years or more only to find that in the latter years of the woman's life, her keeper, her common law husband could marry a white woman for his legitimate heirs, without a divorce. Just leave her and their offspring. Marrying a person of color was not legal in the 1800s. So we see, once again, men find a way around the law to suit themselves.

Henriette was a teacher and brought up in the catholic faith, as a child she learned God wanted man and woman to live together in a legal marriage and did not like the placage arrangement.  Especially since she saw her own mother was left without a companion in her late life. Her father went off with a younger white woman to produce legal heirs.

She refused to go to the ballroom where she was to be presented to her future keeper, a man her mother and father had arranged through financial payment in return of a promise to give her the lifestyle of the wealthy. One without the boundaries of  legal marriage.  Her mother was furious when Henriette refused and threw her out. Henriette went o the church where she found residence while she taught both white and black creole students by day and then black slaves by night.

The woman's life fascinated me, courage and calm voice without violence to secure her place in founding the first colored convent in America.  What seemed at the time an impossibility with racism and second class power of women in general, she won.  Frustrations sure, but her persistence to look to divine providence for guidance in her darkest hours with a belief her life would make a difference for her people and lives everywhere was rewarded. Patience is a virtue, women with kind confidence have so much of this.

After many years and later when the English white settlers moved in and wanted to reverse the laws for these free colored slaves, she persevered and became Mother Henriette DeLille of The Colored Sisters of The Holy Family at New Orleans established in 1842. In time with the help of the Archbishop she was able to establish 8 more schools to teach the homeless, the poor, and educate them as well.

The ballroom that formally reduced women to concubines was purchased with the help of diocese funds for the first catholic church and school for blacks. Yes we need money, prayers alone does not build a church. Thank you Archbishop Etienne Rouselan for your heart and help.

There is a street named for her in New Orleans and a museum of her life and legacy there if you should ever visit. The plaque commemorating her was placed behind St. Louis Cathedral on Royal Street sidewalk.

The Pope & Catholic Church finally recognised her as a saint in 2005 for her heroic efforts.

Women have power in their persistent endurance of what is good and right without violence. It is always gentleness with a steady focus on the peaceful goal that changes everything for longer and better.  Men and women in conscious control of their minds, are really good at this.

Thankful to be a strong woman, thankful to practice the road to peace within.

The Swamp Witch Writes a Poem

Sometimes The Swamp Witch sits by the Hudson River and writes, this day she wrote a poem. I too have sat by this river writing and reading many times with our children playing nearby, with a picnic, or canoeing with a friend, or biking or kayaking with our family. She calls the Hudson River, "My River." She sent this one to me, I love her poem, I love her.

The Poem

The years go by, and memories die
The same as people do.
And when they've died the endless tide
Takes all that we've been through.

The silent grave, the endless wave
Hold all their secrets fast
Through countless years, forgotten tears
Still tightly hold at last.

And so to keep, before we sleep
The stories that remain
We must record in written word
The things we should retain.

Such tales of truth from age and youth
Before the die is cast,
Preserve them now for we see how
Today becomes the past.

~The Swamp Witch  10/2017

Have Fun Today! Make a Happy Jar For Fun Memories

A couple of years ago I read about a "Happy Jar." It is a jar full of happy thoughts from the day before.  Any large jar will do. I like glass.  So for the last year Sweetheart and I put a daily "Happy Thought" written on scraps of paper with each date, whenever I could remember to write one.  In time this became a habit that before I went to bed or first thing in the morning, no matter what happened, I would make myself think of one happy thought from that day.

Finally, my husband began to watch me and joined in dropping his scrap paper notes in too. At Christmas when the kids were home, we took the paper notes out and sat around the table with everyone taking a turn to read them. We all laughed at some funny notes recorded and Sweetheart and I marveled at all the dates and different things we did throughout the year. Concerts, plays, shows, the eclipse, unexpected positive surprises, we seem to catch them on paper with a date and kept them in this glass jar.

The premise was to pull these out at year's end, read them, feel happiness, then burn them in the fireplace and start over next New Year. what we found is we loved remembering these happy thoughts so much we did not want to burn them, we wanted to keep these and add more to the jar.

That night our son-in-law said he thought this was a great idea and he would like to do this too.  I went to bed because the kids stay up all night when they visit together.  Early morning I went downstairs while the house was sleeping and made a glass jar like ours to give to our daughter and her husband when they left that day. Her husband was so happy!

Yesterday I spoke to our daughter on the phone and she said they were having fun putting "happy thoughts" in their jar and reading them.  I encourage anyone to make a "Happy Thoughts" if you want to remind yourself how wonderful the life you have is now. It sounds simple and it is but it is so effective in bringing a smile to your face.

Thankful for our "Happy Jar" and the positive thoughts it brings to mind with a smile attached.

I've Been Talking Myself Off a Ledge for Years

Listening to an interview of a famous person when asked about her abusive father, she responded,"Yes we did not speak for years but when I was an adult I called him to visit me and when he came, I told him I knew he was drunk at the times of the abuse and I forgave him. He teared up and we have been close friends ever since."

In the comment section, one voice wrote, "There is never any excuse for abuse."

This got me thinking.  True there is no excuse for abuse but if the ones that suffer the abuse do not find a way to move past it, we become victims of the abuse, for life every time we hit the instant replay button in our head.  I began thinking about my life and I realize if you are raised in a home that has no answers for everything, you will learn in the school of hard knocks or life's lessons will be repeated until learned.

If like this famous person you have a talent that you love, and you are fortunate enough to find people to help you get started in this business and the business supports you financially outside of the family, you have something to rely on at a young age, and can move on with your life.

If you don't, you are wandering through life trying to find your niche. When I was a child and needed answers, there were none to be had outside of a church that could preach verses with harsh judgments of anyone that veered off the path, but no one knew practical everyday application of actions to take in real situations. I had no grandparents to advise me, no aunts or uncles to listen to me or guide me, visits from relatives were rare and brief, directed to my mother, never me or my brother. We had no wise elder to go to for anything we had no emotional support. I have discovered most people don't today, "if it ain't in the church, you are outta luck," or are you?

As I got older, I began to think of reasons "to want to live." I did not want the life of anyone I witnessed growing up but I had a belief that I could make it on my own. If you get involved with the world around you, the wrong path is everywhere, but if you were taught nothing about enjoying life or being happy, no real path is clear.  You have no reason to exist, you wander aimlessly down this path. This aimless path is dangerous and I have walked it plenty of times.  When I was in eminent danger I turned back to my innocence learning the hard way, this is not the path to go down.

Eric Clapton has a song that I know well, I lived it, "Lonely Stranger."

I could not afford to do drugs, literally and every other way, I knew this was not right for me. I could not be an alcoholic, I have low tolerance of aspirins, I had to take care of me, there was no one coming to help me.  So even thought I knew I did not know answers, I knew I wanted inner peace, if I was to know it, I had to find it on my own. I searched and found it in books of philosophy, self help, business books, once in a while I would find a person I admire that would take time to speak with me and teach me. I found inner peace was opening my heart and mind to be kind to myself first and in this I could be kind to others. I found it in taking control of my thoughts.

In this I have talked myself off the ledge many, many, many, times in life. I begin to trust me, rely on me, love me.  I believe because of my own lonely childhood, this is why I take time to listen to and love children. Taking time for children, listen to children, laugh with them and let them be free especially in childhood. Their innocence is precious and this innocence is in us all of our life if we turn back to find it. Maybe writing my journey will help someone else talk himself/herself off  a ledge, I don't know, but I write. I know to live is a wonderful thing now. Thankful to know this finally.

Three Pots that Cause Sleepwalking

The first pot filled to the brim is a mind full of opinions and preconceptions. We know it all. Nothing new can affect us or cause us to question our assumptions.

The second pot full of poison is a mind so cynical, critical, judgmental, everything is poisoned by the harshness. This allows no openness or willingness to explore teachings or anything that challenges our righteous stance.

The third pot has a hole in it and is a distracted mind: our body is present but we are lost in thought. We are so busy thinking we are deaf to what's being said. Did you know doodling is a form of entertaining a distracted mind and is forbidden in the training of monks?  The point of mind training is to learn to control your own mind not entertain it while it is wondering.

When Pema Chodron taught these three pots from her book No Time To Lose I thought, "OMG no wonder I have had to work my entire life to keep myself moving forward and taking control of my mind. These three pots were my family and I find exist to some extent in very family.  Throw in some extra depression, ADHD, and well meaning Christianity and it's me before I decided I had to change. 

Heard a psychiatrist, Dixon Chibanda in Zimbabwe that deals in depression, tell that in his language, depression is translated as "kufungisisa" literally means "thinking too much."  This kufungisisa leads to suicide. If any of us tries to take on the world and its problems it will lead to "thinking too much." Truth is no one person made these world problems and no one person will solve these either.

Much better to focus on something you do well and develop that skill.  In this way each of us contribute to solving world problems. We are one.

Imagine thinking constantly without listening.  Thinking your own opinions, critical judgments of others' actions, and the haughty belief that "I know," all day, every day, no room for exploration or self examination, no need for any other viewpoint?  Yes I can identify. This thinking can lead you in whirlpool of confusion with no way out. Too much rose colored views can make you live in denial, too much negative views can make you not trust.

Only you can stop the whirlpool.

Why and how do I spend days studying the teachings of sages such as Byron Katie, Eckhart Tolle, and the translators of ancient text such as Stephen Mitchell and Pema Chodron?  Because I woke up one day in my teens and realized I was sleepwalking through life and missing the beauty of the people and world around me. For me to wake up I had to unlearn much of what I had been taught from birth and in this I found me.  Yes I was wrong about many things, but I would change my thinking, I wanted to be free and peaceful inside. The journey continues, thankful.

"Talk About Patience!"

In my travels today I met another immigrant that comes to the USA by Milan, originally Philippines. His wife is a nurse and was invited here years ago. If they had come then, they would have entered the USA immediately on a work visa but if they waited, they could get a green card and bring the entire family. They decided to wait.  They waited EIGHT YEARS to come here legally.

What? If that was not amazing enough, he also said he and his wife have life plans.  He is 51 years old and years ago he decided he wanted to have his own truck and business driving. Now he decided this when he was living in another country, so he was not concerned what country he would live in to own and drive this truck, they just saved their money to purchase truck, trailer, licenses, etc. etc.

He told me they write all their goals down and steadily keep their eye on the goal.  They moved here 2 years ago and now in 18 months he should have enough to but his truck and all the legal insurances and licenses.  I am so amazed when I hear a person moves here from another country and has a business owner mentality.  If there is one thing I have seen, if you want your time and freedom to come together, in own a business.

Then when the truck business has started to show profit, he and his wife want to buy 10 acres and put up a small but comfortable house and enjoy their life here in America. (They are renting  an apt. now) The acreage they purchase will enable him to park his truck and work on it.  He is very educated in knowing the laws and what to do. They like upstate NY.

He and his family see young Americans here and notice what we notice, there is a sense of entitlement without first putting in the work, and a lot of wanting the government to take of you instead of taking care of yourself.  I love immigrants that understand to have anything in life you work for it, you plan for it, you save for it, handouts are not always necessary. He has a moral fortitude based on Christian values and is wise.  He reads people very well and is centered, confident, respectful.  He is a good man. I often think when I hear a story like his, do you know how tight he and wife must be to come here and start over?  I do love couples that know how to live together in peace.

I told him America needs new blood here, new ideas here, new perspectives here, and these hard working immigrants bring it all.  So good to meet good people every day, everywhere I go. America is getting better every day.

Thankful for patience, one thing youth has to learn, takes time to learn it.  Fortunately time will teach it when things don't fall into place as planned, you wait and begin again.

"Dignity"

It's no secret I have an affection for the Native American Indians.  Like many people in a weaker positiion of any continent or family they were deceived, lied to, and stolen from by more powerful and greedy people. What Native Americans took from the earth, they used for survival and respectfully gave back to nature whenever possible. What progress does in the name of greed destroys earth.

Native Americans lived as one with the earth. Taking what was needed to survive with thankfulness for what earth provided. Men and women working together make survival of humankind possible.

I do not ever say, women are more important than men because we are not.  Recently if you are following my blog you know I have discovered from my "23 & Me" analysis that I have a 100% Native American grandparent 8th or 9th generation back.  I am so thrilled about this, because I have had an unusual affection for American Indians my entire life. When I finally met an actual Native American man, I thought he was the most aesthetically beautiful person I had ever seen.

Years ago when I was in Texas, (attending our daughter's AF graduation) I went to a bazaar where Native Americans were selling their ware.  I spoke to one of the women who told me, "You should look into your ancestry, if you love our people so much, you may have Indian (her words) in your blood."  I have not had that opportunity until now and I remembered her words when I discovered I had a grandparent that was 100% Native American on my father's side. (Thrilled to discover this.)

As a woman I see history, I see now.  Women have been a tremendous asset to mankind, not just for bearing children.  Women have helped in warfare, times of feast and famine, kept families in tact when fathers died of disease, or on battle, or were absent, a woman's strength is equal to a man's strength in a different focus, but it is equal. 

Which brings me back to "Dignity."  This 50 ft stainless steel statue was erected in South Dakota 2016 to commemorate SD 125th anniversary. It was designed by a man, Dale Lamphere, to honor the Lakota and Dakota people.  It costs 1 million dollars and it was a gift from Norm and Eunabel McKie. We need kind hearted wealthy people and talented sculptors to make beautiful museums and statues that remind us of the appreciation of those that went before us to make our present lives possible. This statue is another example of a monument to something of value in history, a Native American woman, rightly titled, "Dignity."  Personally I think it is a beautiful piece of art and history.

We have got to move on past the mistakes of history and we can, but we have to change our focus.  To a focus that looks forward to what can be, instead of sitting in the mistakes of the past.  We learn from mistakes so we can make the world a better peaceful place.

Thankful for this statue, its beauty, its history and look forward to seeing it one day. Meanwhile love the internet where we can all see it from every angle up close! Love technology and the people who took the pictures and posted the pictures for us to see. Nice to see Native Americans smiling at the statue's dedication ceremony too. Things are getting better for America.

DDHD Is the Secret to Your Gold Medal!

L L Cool J told Oprah who told Bridget Everett who told Jimmy Fallon in her late night interview, that through her at home Life Class participation online when L L Cool J was asked by Oprah: "L J how do you do it? You have an empire, rapping, fragrance, TV...?"

L L Cool J responded,"DDHD!  Dreams Don't Have Deadlines!"

Everywhere we look everyone tells us all to dream, to do, to keep doing it until it comes true.

Thankful for people who speak their truth to encourage all of us to go for our  Gold Medal!

 

"Some People Truly Are Living on Another Planet"

Watching an interviewer on YouTube my husband and I could not get over the sycophant admirations to the celebrity.  We both began laughing out loud and said, "What?" There are many, many, many, great actors and yet these interviewers tell each celebrity, "there will never be another one like you" is really over stating what can never be known now.  Then my husband and I both said,"They must be living on another planet, it sure isn't earth. Their "Ego" can take them there, we see."

Has anyone else ever noticed in TV the interviewers have to really hop up the accomplishments of the interviewee?  All the talk show hosts do this if you watch enough of them, and the best ones make you believe that this one person "is their favorite." But they cannot all be the favorite, favorite is ONE.  Even Oprah does it, listen to her.  I am much more interested in listening to Oprah give commencement speeches at colleges now.

It must be a way to get the celebrity to let their walls down, make the guest think the interviewer is among their best fans, and possibly make the guest let out a secret not revealed yet to the public.  That seems to be a feather in a hosts' hat, to be the first to report the unknown secret to their public. Some of these introductions are so over the top, I throw up  a little in my mouth and then listen for a while, if the interview is somewhat interesting I may stay tuned, if not, I change the channel, yes, I have a life too.

Most of America lives on planet earth. We try to live a life with respect for others. Respect for their marriages, respect for others' property, respect for children, respect for religious beliefs that are not violent.  Most of America does not grow up in a movie theater or hang on every word of an entertainer.  Most of us know no ONE person is above or below another. The majority of humans, without celebrity status are the backbone of every society on earth.

The celebrity road to stardom is frequently full of affairs, leaving husbands, wives and children behind to pursue personal pleasure, fame, position in Hollywood, fortune, or the next big break, with no responsibility to anyone but self. 

Planet Earth as a peaceful society cannot survive without respect for family units and others. Thankfully these ego-centric individuals are a minority. (Unfortunately many politicians are joining this ungrateful group. Politicians are scary because they claim to be "public servants" yet sacrifice their marriages and children for affairs, fame, personal pleasure, position, and fortune.)

The compass of happiness is not found in selfish pursuits for your entire life, in time the compass of happiness will lead to helping others, respecting yourself, respecting others' beliefs, their commitments to a significant other, respecting and valuing your own children.

Children are the future inhabitants of this planet and cannot be shipped off to another to raise or to get out of the way so I can do what I want to do.  That thinking needs to be eradicated before fathering a child. Children are gifts from the universe, a chance to make the world better. Innocence that we parent and guide if we see their value.

Our children taught me what "Love" really is, and to that end I will always be grateful for them and the man that helped me raise them. This experience was part of my journey to inner peace.

To each its own, we are one and this road to unification of us all is a road we create as we go. In the end, we must all evaluate if the win was worth the sacrifice.  No one gets a free ride here, we must make peace within or we will never have the happiness we seek. Bright lights and big city was never my path, I prefer the serenity of nature and a good book, helping people I meet everyday and appreciating the help each gives me. Namaste.

"Peaceful Attention at Home Brings Peace, Not More Laws"

**Important to realize I write from the perspective of a USA citizen, not other countries.

When something bad happens here in the USA, many want another law but laws do not make anyone obey them. So many times we read in the news the "want" for a quick remedy to deep rooted problems: "More laws needed!" Laws don't work when people will not obey them. No one would harm another person if they were not confused about the peaceful ways to resolve every conflict. Peaceful ways are taught at home not laws of society.  Laws are misconstrued, misinterpreted, for personal gain. Look at court cases that are won or loss. 

Who takes the time to teach peace to children? There are rules and laws in every society and home but who takes the time to teach actual conflict resolution in the actual moment it happens so the child can see in action the peaceful ways to resolve a disagreement first hand?

Neglect or the denial of the need to train a child in a home is perpetuated by ignoring the bad behaviors or letting technology babysit your child with full-time daycare centers, TV or any handheld device. This is very dangerous for the psyche of your child.  If you do not take the role of having the greatest influence on your child, someone in the world will, media does this every time you leave them in front of any electronic device. If the outside world can control your child's thinking, the child will lose the ability to make rational, reasonable, decisions himself/herself. This is the way of the world...

There is no better influence on a child than the teachings of the child's actual parents at home.  

The quick remedy never addresses the deep rooted problem, because to fully address the deep rooted problem can take daily teaching for years and years, it takes too much time for most parents more focused on being tired or paying the bills.

Mental illness in a child is not addressed even when detected at an early age because families do not want to admit that something is physically/mentally wrong with "their" offspring.  The time to live with and care for a mentally ill child, the costs of medications, visits to support groups, a psychiatrist is emotionally draining.  It takes persistent attention and  training to raise a civilized non-violent mentally ill child. When mental illness is present, there is no guarantee of the outcome but with constant attention and kind care the outcome proves to be better.

Only a person that has taken the time to raise a loving, kind, child, can know the time and focus on that one child's health and well being and this is "without apparent mental illness." Time and patience, helping parents teach their own individual child, is the one thing the workforce and schools in the USA are NOT facilitating. Then, when violence is the evident outcome, everyone wants a quick remedy.  It takes a village to raise a child?  Where are the teachers? There are lots of lawmakers, but where are the daily teachers? How is society helping that parent stay with each child?

You cannot teach what you do not know. My husband and I spent daily time with our children but we did not know how to resolve conflicts peacefully. If we were to continue this marriage we had to first learn how to converse and resolve disagreements without compromising the other person's integrity. 

It was daily work but in time with a focus to keep our family together and heal generational negative abuse, we got a handle on it.  Here's a clue: You do not find peace by trying to control everyone and everything around you. You find peace through acceptance of ideas that don't agree with your own, letting go of the ego to be right all the time, and a heart of "how can I be a part of a peaceful solution now?"

If you teach this at home to your children, they will not have to go far away from home to find these answers for themselves. We cannot teach what we do not know. 

Daily meditation/prayer/visualization and thankfulness, is absolutely necessary to bring your mind into alignment with goodness and to facilitate a peaceful world. Daily time with your children to teach them these peaceful ways is absolutely necessary too. Teach children to take time to meditate daily, eat right daily and exercise daily by doing this with them daily. This is the beginning of world peace.

Love this book, studied it and we both applied principles learned from it in our own family. We took an actual course offered in the school system with other parents to learn how to carry out methods set forth in the book. Definitely made our family life better.

Thankful to have found a path to our family peace. If only it was as simple as making another law...

Boo Boo or Ash?

I was in line at a store yesterday watching a precious 3 year old Angelbunny with her mother touch this or that while waiting for the cashier. She picked up a lipstick on her 2 1/2 foot eye level. Her mom said."No no sweetie we you don't need makeup, put that back." The little girl put it back. Then she picked up a 5 Hour Energy Shot bottle and her mother said, "No no, you definitely don't need that!"

I smiled and said to the mother,"She was getting that for you mom." Her mother said,"Yes I do need that."  We laughed and I said, "Is this your first?"  She said, "Yes."  I said, "It is so much fun isn't it?"
"Yes, it changes your life more than anyone can ever explain to you."  "Planning to have more some day?"  "Yes after this one is potty trained..."

They stepped up in line and the baby was picked up by her mother. As the baby looked over her mother's shoulder, she pointed at me and said,"Boo boo" to her mother. Her mother looked at me and said, "No sweetie this is Ash Wednesday and we will go to church later to get ash put on our forehead."  I glanced briefly over my left shoulder and see no one in line.

I franticly began to freak out embarrassed, thinking, "Sh*t my eyebrows are smeared!" I begin to discreetly rub my forefinger up the middle of my brow trying to erase the smear of my drawn on eyebrows.  Then I thought, "Crap! I wish I had a mirror!  Which eyebrow is missing?"

Then I remembered, the stoics..."Things I can control and things I cannot control." As I am calming my mind down saying to myself..."If this is your biggest problem today, I have no problems." Get a grip, you know you love make up and how it gives this 60+ woman some much needed color. Oh well.

Just then the woman behind me stands up, she was squatted down looking at something on the lower shelf behind me. She had a black ash on her forehead between her eyes.

Shaun White Won the GOLD!

That's my favorite Olympic Event! The Halfpipe! Shaun White is my favorite athlete!
Over and Out...I'll sleep well tonight!

What? Universe Has my Back Again! Thank you Universe!

We went down to the city to see "Tanith Band" at St.Vitas Bar on Manhattan Ave, Brooklyn. Crazy Bull Band from Philadelphia opened.  The music was outstanding.  

We parked outside in what we thought was a secure, legal location.  My Sweetheart went inside the bar to set up his video cam to record the "Tanith" concert.  It was hot inside. So hot I had to go to the car to wait for "Tanith" to perform at 10 pm.  I go to the car about 9:05 and once in our car began to take off layers of clothes, I was hot!

(For any Southerners, you wear layers of clothing up north for this purpose)

So I thought I'll cool off and sit here until about 9:55 and go back in.  Reality had another plan I had to just go with it.  As I was sitting in the car I came across one of my husband's shirts.  I thought excellent! I can leave my turtleneck, my vest, my overcoat and scarf here and just wear his shirt over my spaghetti strap top.  That will keep me cool inside the venue.

So I'm sitting, looking around, enjoying the coolness for about 30 minutes when a NYC cop car pulls up alongside our car and shines light on me, turns on their siren briefly, "yurp, yurp", and waves me to lower my window. I had to jump the hump of the middle console, get in driver's seat, put key in the ignition, start the car to let down the electric window.  

"Yes? Is there something I can do for you officer?"

"You can move your car you are parked in a bus lane."  

"I thought this was a legal space?"

"No."

Seeing the bus stop sign I thought the bus cannot take up the entire block space to pull over to pick up passengers so I asked the cops.

"Can I just back up 50 more ft? I'm from out of town, where do I park?"

"No, you cannot park in the bus lane. Move up to the next block, not here."

"Thank you, I will move."

I pull out and the cops park in my space and get out. He began putting tickets on every car on that side of the street on that block. Then they begin walking the block looking into windows, talking to cafe people, I presume looking to have people move their cars.  No one came out, no one moved a car except me. Guess the cops had no luck finding the owners of the other cars.

So now it is 9:37 pm and I think, "Good luck! No ticket!"now I will ride around the blocks and find a space in plenty of time... no that did not happen.  I rode up and down every street careful not to go up the wrong way of a one way street, of which there are many at this location.  I rode up and down and around, again and again. No luck.  

Watching the clock 9:37 turned into 9:58 and still no parking space. Great! Now I will miss the opening of "Tanith."  Well, at least my husband is recording it so I can see what I miss. I keep riding, circling the blocks until I saw a space so short I was not sure the car would fit but I would try with my expert driving skills to squeeze this Cruz in. Oh yeah I squeezed the car in but it took me another 25 minutes of back and forth, back and forth, get out of car, eye distance, get back in car, back and forth, back and forth, repeat until success!  I parked legally in NYC and possibly avoided towing.  The last thing I wanted to do was go buy my car out of the impound at 3:00 am.  Yes I have had to do this before... 40 years ago.  Long process, not fun and yes expensive.

So now it is 10:27pm I jump out of the car head to St.Vitas, across the street. When I get to the front door, a car pulls away that was parked right in front of the entrance.  Grrrrrr, if it would not take me another 25 minutes to get the Cruz back out of that small space I would have brought my car over to this most convenient one. Hey, "Loving what is" popped into my mind.

Thankful I was sitting in the car to move it and park it legally, after such an exhilarating night of fun and music I would not like to end the night with a NYC ticket. NYC tickets are never cheap to pay or easy to fight in court, you might as well plead guilty because we live too far away to make the trip to court over this and "ignorance" is not a valid box to check on the plea side of the ticket.

"Loving what is" a motto to live life by that eliminates stress. I'm into peace or did you pick up on that from reading my blogs?

"Perfect As You Are"

It's no secret to those who know me well that Pema Chodron is one of our favorite Buddhist teachers. To know more about her you can google her but today what I want to say simply is in her book, Perfect as You Are she teaches something that law of attraction and religions do not. This is simply, "Negative things happen. It is not negative things happening that get us caught up in destructive behaviors, it is being negatively negative about it."

In other words, you can't stop some negative things from happening to you, you are not responsible for all of the negatives that occur in your life.  What gets us in trouble is when our mind obsesses about the negative things that happen instead of taking positive actions to remedy the negative event.

You do this in your mind first and then an action will follow.  If we do not believe we are perfectly made and capable of figuring things out on our own, we are confused, we are indecisive, we flounder, we worry, we fear, we do nothing to remedy the situation, we suffer failure and loss.

When you realize you are not born broken, you are good, you can make it alone in this life if you have to until better situations come, then you learn to live a happy life.

We do not have to go through life wearing rose colored glasses when we are hurt, denying the hurt, excusing the pain, or making excuses for an abuser, not having boundaries because we are afraid we are not enough, or we can't survive on our own.  We were born to be successful in everything we choose to be and do.  We can be successful if we get rid of negative judging thoughts about others and ourselves.

Once we wade through the swamps of survival, get on the other shore in daylight, we can begin to pursue our dreams and live the life we have dreamed about forever.  No more confusion about purpose, no more confusion about how, we just do it.

The dream of wanting unconditional love, from my childhood, getting a person in my life that really accepted, loved "me," and would always be here for me has come true. Now on to the next dream...

I figured out in my teens that imperfect me was "Perfect As I Am." Getting the kinks out was just details!

There is No Dana, Only Zuul!

Zuul is the gatekeeper of Gozer,  a minigod of Gozer "The Destructor" alongside Vinz Clortho "The Keymaster"  are characters in the Ghostbuster movie, one of the funniest movies our family has ever seen, who doesn't love Bill Murray?  The entire cast are fabulous actors with perfect comedic timing.

The story was created from a book. The House is Haunted: The True story of a Poltergeist  this happened in England, the book was written in 1980. Are the characters real? Did the poltergeist happen?  Who knows? The Poltergeist in England claims the word "Gozer" was written on walls throughout the house. This story and movie is made for entertainment. Those that believe in the Evil Devil, Demons, Satan, have to stretch the mind to such fairytale like dimensions, that I cannot go there. For me to believe in this evil is childish.  It's like a child afraid of a boogey man in the closet or under the bed, it is too fantastical to believe.

It is much easier for me to believe there is a good force, call it God, call it "Reality," that when called upon or not, will always steer you in the right direction if you get your fearful negative judging thoughts out of the way.  Why does this force positively help everyone? Because this force loves to help everyone I guess.  I can't say but I have definitely seen the goodness of this force help me many times in my life.

Science alongside reality of what is and reason has proved many theories false. One theory proven false "the earth is flat." Aristotle put forth the notion of the round world but it took years for others to believe it possible.  Another false belief was that cleaning wounds, changing bandages daily will not affect the outcome of healing. Florence Nightingale proved this wrong when she cleaned and dressed wounds of the soldiers, the mortality rate lessened significantly. It seems the mind of fear and laziness can create some pretty scary but false analysis to explain things not readily explainable.

Which brings me to this: I have some very highly educated, morally upright, theologian friends, ordained in various ministries that absolutely "Know" in their conditioned thinking that to believe in God, one must believe in Devil, Satan, and Demonic creatures. Some of these individuals believe they have seen Satan and Devils. What if Satan and Devils are created solely in the minds of humans?  What if there are no such demonic creatures, no demonic possession and these exist only because you believe it does?  What would you do with your belief system? How would you live life without blaming the Devil for everything bad in the world?

I taught the Bible for many years including the Satan theory until one day I discovered, "There is no Satan, Only the Human Mind" that controls all imaginations.  I do not believe in Satan, Devils, Demons or any such horrific fantastical fairy tales.  To attribute our bad decisions or actions to Satan is to give your power away and not take responsibility for your confused mind.  Likewise to attribute to God all good decisions or peaceful actions, you give your power away, and do not allow yourself to be thankful for your unconfused mind with good decision making skills and therefore appreciate your own good self. What is left is nothing for you to claim for your own. In life you will receive the rewards of good decisions and actions or you will suffer the consequences of your bad decisions and actions.

Neither of these is due to God or Satan, these are outcomes of your beliefs.  If these beliefs be in alignment with the universe of peace or out of alignment, you choose.  We are born with a conscious that is aware of good and bad, we feel it. (Unless there is a mental or physical illness along with perpetuated wrong teachings in this world that prevents some of us from feeling.)  I believe this inability to have a feeling of what is wrong or right comes from generations of confused and bad influences taught through the actions of our parents, our culture, traditions, society, religions, and environment.  This teaches us to fear things we do not know, it teaches to divide ourselves from what we do not understand, it teaches war. It may be no one's fault, or so many will claim, but it has to be recognized and stopped in someone.  I choose to recognize the confusion taught to me and continue to practice daily meditation and allow the beauty of the peace that resides in me to come forth again. I take responsibility for my life, my actions, I take the credit for my accomplishments.  I am good, I am not broken, I am human, and so likewise are you.  All of us have a true nature to be good just like the force that helps us when we fall or guides us when we meditate. No one would ever hurt another if the mind was not confused about "how to think."

Thankful to unlearn so many confused thoughts that once caused me pain and to see I can control my own mind and be free, be peaceful, be patient. If I can do it, anyone can. Each life is a gift to the world.

"Me Too"

Last night was another best night of our life. Once again one of our free spirited children made us proud of them again.  Our eldest is in a rock group "Tanith." You can follow them on Facebook.  We knew our Marine has spent countless hours practicing and playing his guitar, he is a perfectionist.  Classical guitar was his beginning that moved on to more and more. As life would have it he met a group of fellow musicians and together they formed this group "Tanith" lead by Russ Tippins.

Russ Tippins is a master guitarist and it was a privilege to be so close to him and watch him expertly play the guitar.  The other band members were superb and the night went swimmingly. Each musician giving a stellar performance, it was a night to remember once again.  To think our son was on a stage doing this, so proud of his accomplishments.  We would be proud of him no matter what he did, he's just that kind of guy.  You gotta love him. Following his dream, making it happen.

Good, good, kind, talented band and friends. Thankful to finally meet them.

The opening concert was last night in Philadelphia, PA.  Tonight they are in Cleveland, Ohio.  we went to the opening concert and met his girlfriend, the band, and their fans. Among the crowd was a friend who does the catering for "Wrestlemania."  She appeared with food for "Tanith" when I was introduced...  I liked that she cared for the band and brought food for them all. 

The venue was full of loud talking fans and the music made it impossible to carry on a lengthy conversation so when a lull in the room occurred I quickly, in my usual direct way, asked her a series of questions to get an idea of her.

I asked her, "What is your story? Are you single, married, gay, have children, or not?"
Her first response was my favorite response I have heard in a long time.

She said,"I'm all of those in my heart, but I'm single with a boyfriend. I know that sounds crazy but I travel a lot for my business..."

I liked her immediately.  Very charming, warm and kind, with a true love of serving others.
She had me at, "I'm all of those things in my heart..."

I decided then, "Me too!"

Their next concert is in Brooklyn , NY this Sunday, hope to see you there. (You can buy their 45 and tee shirts, at the venue.)

"I Refuse To Join Any Club That Would Have Me As A Member!'

The generation before ours, I think they're called grandparents, would be familiar with Groucho Marx and his shenanigans and funny one liners, this is one of them. I long ago gave up on joining groups of any kind because I was sure to disappoint someone in the group, not me, but someone who would through conversations let me know I was not living up to the expectations of the group.

First time I really noticed it was in church as a child.  I did not believe in things through blind faith and when questioned by the minister, "Why? You must! First yo believe and then you see." I answered, "I've believed a long time, ever since I was born and I'm not seeing results, so I quit this church, unless you can provide proof."  He admitted he could not, so I quit that church. I disappointed my mother.

Then I joined a Biblical Research Ministry for 14 years and although I went against the tide often and was reprimanded often, I hung in there all the way to the top.  When my husband was commanded to get me under control, he exclaimed, "Why? I married her because she was out of control! I like it."  The top proved to be dishonest and deceitful.  Leaders knowingly were lying to the people, I was unfortunate enough to speak of the lies to leaders, thinking naively that they wanted to change if they knew, and they wanted me to hush up. I did not, we left that ministry.

I tried to join a coffee meet and greet when I moved here and the women complained and spoke of the trouble with men.  I tire of this frivolous convo and left this Delmar group. I actually like men a lot.

I joined an art group that had art teachers to teach technique from time to time at the meetings. Although I enjoyed learning new techniques I always went to my natural instincts as an artist and finished the piece that looked nothing like the intended project.  When my teacher asked me to sand the entire piece down and begin again, I refused.  Other students wanted the teacher to teach them how to do the piece like mine, the teacher responded,"That is natural talent, I can't teach that."  I left that group.

Children came and I tried to socialize with mothers of children the same age as my youngest, now that the older two were in kindergarten and first grade. I had a few hours and thought a gym with toddlers would be fun for our littlest guy.  He had lots of energy. I though a gym would be a good place for him to run it out while we played together. The exercise play class was "Mommy & Me."  After three classes the teacher pulled me aside and said she was elected the spokesperson of the Delmar group and told me, "The other mothers do not like that you let your son run around the track without holding your hand like we do, and he is distracting to the other mothers and their children, so we want to ask you to leave the class. I will refund the money."  I told her,"This is a gym, my son is not touching anyone or in anyway stopping the other mothers and their children from running around the track, this is ridiculous. You can keep your money, I'll leave."

I began to realize I could have more fun with our children doing things with them myself and so we did. We kayaked, we cooked, we camped out, we rode bikes, we sailed, we canoed, we hiked, we ran in the woods and up mountain trails, we skied, we waded in creeks and caught insects and tadpoles to study and release, we fished, we body surfed, we sat around a campfire, swam in our own pool, jumped on a trampoline, played sports, visited playgrounds with monkey bars, climbed trees, picked apples, picked strawberries, played at the beach, tapped maple trees and made maple syrup, built dioramas, became scout leaders, just lived life, we had fun.

The latest group I decided to join last year, was a meditation group in Delmar. I contacted the group leader for directions and times.  I picked a time and just as quick the leader said,"Don't be late! We will start without you, we close the doors, you will not come in, and if you are late more than once, you will no longer be able to come to our group!"  I said, "Nevermind, I can see from your temperament in this one conversation, the group has a lot more meditation to practice to catch up with me.  I'm more peaceful now than you.  I withdraw my application, I'm out. Thank you for your time, good-bye."

My mother-in-law use to call the Delmar women, "The Delmar Matrons. They have enough money to be better off than the average Joe but not enough to be really wealthy.  So they live with the division of others as "the haves and the have nots."  My mother-in-law was a hoot!

Never did I intend to upset or disrupt anyone or anything. So now with a laugh in the wind and the fun I have every day being happy, just being me, I read this quote by Groucho Marx. It resonated with me and I begin to think, "You know he's right! If a group wants me to join, I best not. That can be my first clue it will not work out! I can save wasted time by not joining anything anymore. Being in the human race is enough."

Thankful and happy to be here. The universe must have a plan for me, I have discovered it is not to join any groups. I'm Ok with that, actually I prefer it.  🙏

Jackfruit Pulled Bar-b-cue

Christmas we celebrated a birthday with lasagna from a great italian restaurant. To also give the vegans in our family a dinner the same night we found a restaurant that had vegan choices on the menu.  I ordered a Jackfruit pulled barbecue sandwich and a veggie burger.  It was delicious! I looked to buy jackfruit locally to no avail and ordered jackfruit online.  Today I made toasted coconut rice with jackfruit barbecue. It is delicious. I'm making coleslaw tonight to add to the dinner. The southerner in me loves coleslaw and barbecue.

Just thought I'd share for anyone out there wanting to eat more vegetables and less meat. Yes it does taste like pulled pork sorta.

 I chose to chop my jackfruit in a small blender and add to the sauteed onions and garlic with avocado oil in fry pan, last add sauce. The secret is using a great tasting barbecue sauce of your choice.

Bon appetit! Vegan dishes can be delicious if you find the right textures and seasonings.
Thankful to have found jackfruit and look forward to other recipes  to make with it.

Pudd'NHead Wilson

Whenever I clear out my office or go through the bookcase or boxes of books the children have left behind to keep and store, I get happily stuck reading one.  Today it was Pudd'Nhead Wilson.  I read Adventures of Huckleberry Finn in the original narrative to our children when they were in elementary school. I remember it was challenging to read the words of the southern country characters regardless whether it was an uneducated slave jargon or southern accent. The kids laughed as I would read and then I would explain what I just read.

Perhaps this is why I found Pudd'Nhead Wilson among the books in this box, maybe that original reading sparked further for our son. Either way I did enjoy reading it today.  One thing I was pleased to see was that Samuel Clemens does recognize the soft effect of a female in harsh situations to soothe a man's mind. Maybe it is because I'm sensitive to this and look for the two sexes to be good for one another in everything I witness.

Mark Twain is one and the same as Samuel Clemens. He does the greatest writing about slavery in early America and the conversations of people.  The incidents he tells of the cruelty to slaves intertwined with his storyline always bring a tear to my eye.  Horrible that "Christian" folks could inflict such injustice to the subservient population...but then I have lived and seen this is true of human nature everywhere today.  Bible thumping in one hand, interpreting the verses to justify their own actions of selfishness that cause another to suffer as they sit in the pew every Sunday. We have all seen this one time or another. 

It takes a kind heart and strong constitution to bear up and move on when such wrongdoings have been forced upon you.  And the Negros seem to have an unfathomable will to survive and do move on as one has to in life. 

Scene after scene described in the book has a mistaken judgment of another's character based on each person's own core values. Many times the good hearted one naively thinks the scorched conscious of another is better than it actually is, and suffers the consequences of the mistake. (Wisdom and boundaries come with experience to protect one's self.)

What we are beginning to understand is that suffering inflicted upon others by us, began first by inflicted suffering upon ourselves.  The same goes for kindness, kind to self, kind to others.

Thankful to be aware of this and now working to rid myself and the world from further harm. If peace is to be, let it begin with me.

Cattails the "Supermarket of the Swamp"

In my first apartment in Carrboro, NC, my mother helped me decorate and furnish it.  I was into cinder block shelves with painted glossy black boards that housed my stereo and speakers. Mom had a very large old antique wine bottle the size of a plastic 5 gallon water container, that she brought me to stand in a lonely corner, with cattails in it. I can't remember if she picked them or I did but I do remember I thought it was soooo coool!

Now I read in The Lost Ways by Claude Davis that in pioneer days 1700s that cattails are one of the most versatile plants, you can eat them, use them for medicinal purposes, fuel for the fire, pickles and pancakes, make baskets, vests, and the tufts of silky hairs were used for bedding pillows and lining baby papoose.  The best part these plants can be found in all four seasons throughout most of the Western Hemisphere worldwide wherever there is a source of water.

Yes pioneer people but did you know these make an excellent yet cool decoration for this hip single girl living out in the world in her first apartment in the 1970s?

Will I try the cattail casserole, rice, or pickles? Maybe...

I believe I will ask Sweetheart to walk the farm with me  this spring and show me edible plants around here, You never know if a famine is coming and it is good to be able to survive off the land.

Thankful to know cattails are edible.

Coffee Enemas? What?

Dr. Kelly Brogan a psychiatrist and nutrition coach with more degrees than I can list (You can google her) has after years of conventional MD practices discovered alternative medicine and is changing her prescription to patients. She now addresses the diet first and helps people to get off psychotropic meds. She wants to rid labeling patients with mental illness.  She focuses on relieving depression through radical adherence to her suggested detox and diet change for life.

Kelly has a book  A Mind of Your Own that addresses taking control of your mind through diet, daily meditation, and a grateful attitude. Sound familiar?  She also suggest "coffee enemas" to rid gut of unwanted parasites and detox the colon and liver.  I have never heard of coffee enemas, have you?

White sugar is a major "NO!" Zero tolerance of thinking about eating it forever after.  She prescribes NO GRAINS, again zero tolerance, vegetables are good, and she says organic grass fed red beef good, poultry and fish are OK 3-5 times a week. Lots of purified water, no alcohol, no caffeine, (except up the backside in an enema) and other diet tips.

If you want to be free from pharmaceuticals, bipolar, mental illness, depression, and anxiety you will follow her recommendations strictly.  Her practice is in NYC and her patients are going to her as a last resort before seriously considering suicide to escape the drugs, the noise in their heads, their mood swings, and lack of control of their mind. Wow!

Traditional medicine warns of coffee enemas having no clinical proof of detoxing or having any positive effects yet Dr. Brogan prescribes them for lifting mood swings and depression. Again, you decide what you do and what you believe. Frankly I was surprised she was not vegan.  As she shares in her YouTube video interviews, there is a tweaking to the diet she prescribes to each patient as every body is different.  She also shares that anyone can do their own research, read her book, and put together your own diet plan that works for you, you don't need to go see her in NYC.

Another eye opener, a medical doctor that is putting your health back into your hands to get optimal health through disciplined choices in your foods. There is that word again daily discipline.  You control your thoughts, your actions, your meditation, your life. 

I will be following her blog and YouTube channel to get good natural healing information and to see how much flack she is going to get from Ivy League college educated peers.  This is going to be a reality show worth following for the next years.

She healed herself from a chronic disease that she learned in med school she would be managing with drugs for the rest of her life through her diet.  She speaks from the heart and has first hand personal experience of the success of the strict diet she follows.

Many roads to the top of the mountain I have always said, here is another you may want to investigate.  You know what resonates with you, you will find the answer.

Thank you Dr. Brogan for staring in the face of conventional psychiatry and saying, there must be a better way, a more natural way, and finding a way.  I love positive rebels! Open minds and open hearts go hand in hand.

Tolstoy Opening Quote

"All happy families  are alike, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." ~Leo Tolstoy

Our son is reading Anna Karenina, and I was reading a book by Paypal founder Peter Theil, Zero to One, (Notes on Start up businesses)  Peter referenced this quote in his book. 

This quote is interpreted differently by the readers of it. 

In the broader sense I agree, happy families are supportive of one another and their differences, and in the same experience I see unhappy families are not supportive of individual opinions that differ from family traditions and culture.  This broader view of unhappy families does not have a different cause but yes, each has a different reason for the unhappiness.

How do you interpret this quote?

What I know for sure, no matter what kind of family you come from, acceptance of yourself, confidence to move in the direction of your dream with a thankful attitude every day will take you there with daily discipline to take actions in that direction and the flexibility to change approach as needed.  The problem for many is we do not have a clear picture of what we want, figure that out and get going. Once that is clear 98% of our work is done, now move!

Thankful for books on every subject in the world to take our pick.  Don't see the exact book you want? Then write it! I am doing that now.