Find Something You Love and Find a Way to Get Paid for it

The first time I heard this regarding the work you do in life, I thought,"What the heck does this mean?" Then I thought back to what do I really want out of life?  The answer that came to me constantly was: to love and be loved unconditionally on this earth.  I wanted a peaceful, unencumbered existence with basic needs met, and to know one person really loved me.

I had a fire in my mind, something that made me keep moving towards something, exactly where I was going, I was not sure, but I was going.  When you are hurt and confused at a young age unfortunately you look first at your peers for acceptance.  I tried drinking, smoking marijuana, dancing all night, running, dating, but with no particular skill or talent evident, felt empty.  It is curious to me why when anyone tries a proven deadly thing such as alcohol or drugs and finds it does not stop the pain, why some individuals keep doing it?  

Once a drug does not work, I move on to find something that does... hangovers, headaches, vomiting, dizziness, finding yourself out of control of your actions that may cause harm to you or someone else, are evidence to me this is not working. 

In Chapel Hill, NC my brother was playing drums in a band at a bar/lounge. I went to see him play and dance, I love to dance. When I went to any bar, I might have one drink, then I drank ice water and danced the rest of the night, sometimes till 4 in the morning, when the bar closed and the music stopped.   (Good girls DO stay out past 11PM, I know I am one of them.)

This night, like many nights before, I met guys that wanted to dance and I would dance with different ones.  If the men did not want to dance, the girls would dance with each other, it was fun.  I met this guy and he wanted to dance and buy me a drink, so I agreed.  Lots of good guys had bought me my ONE drink. This night this guy put a drug in my ONE drink.  I danced and danced and danced and then I disappeared from the bar.  

My brother saw me leave but thought since I was standing and laughing I wanted to go with these folks who neither of us knew. He did not stop me or them, why would he? We were adults. What he did not know was that I was in a mental black out from that drug in my one drink.  I have no remembrance of leaving that bar that night.

I woke up the next morning I guess around 5 AM, dizzy, in a dark room of naked and half-dressed male and female bodies lying everywhere. Yikes! Thankfully, I was still clothed.  I did not recognize anyone, I did not know what house or town I was in, I just knew I had to get home.  I searched in the dark, found my pocketbook, tried to examine my person to see if anything sexual had happened to unconscious me and when I found I was OK.  I headed for the door quietly, I had no idea what kind of people these were or how I got here. If someone would drug my drink, I do not want to know these folks awake. No one awakened as I snuck out.

Once outside, now I know I do not know where I am, this was another town, not Sanford for sure.  I walked down the road till I found a main highway and started walking south, still in the dark, it was not daybreak.  Dizzy, without anyone to call to help me, I stuck out my thumb. 

A van full of hippies stopped, open the side door, smoke billowed out, they offered to give me a ride. Normally I would not have taken this ride but this was not a normal situation for me, so I gladly stepped inside.  There was bongs, joints, beer, wine, offered, smiles, friendly laughter, good, people, music, ladies with flowers in their hair, the men had long hair with bandannas on their brow, good people, the usual costumes you see in pictures.  They asked me where I was going?(I thought, "No where, fast.")But I answered, "Sanford, NC, this is North Carolina isn't it?" 

They said they were driving through Sanford and would drop me off on their way south. I asked, "What town is this?" They, "Siler City."

I refused their hospitality of drugs and alcohol and asked them to wake me up when we were in Sanford, I went to sleep. They woke me up and dropped me off at 410. (My childhood house) I thanked them and they said, "Peace."  Lucky? I guess, but I have come to know there are more good people in the world than we know, and a stranger can be kinder than your family and friends at times.

Siler City! Good grief,  that was the end of my drinking alcohol.  I already knew I was confused about life, but I was not going to find answers drinking!  Honestly, being high may be an escape to some people but it made me question life, more and more, more questions need more answers.  I had not found the answers I need from the questions I have when sober, I have to draw the line somewhere, no more questions please, mind...no more drugs or alcohol.  I was lucky discovering this at 19 y o. and the iron will set in yet again.

Siler City, NC best known today for Frances Bavier.  So lucky to have found something she loved and found a way to get paid for it.  What latent talent do I have? What I like best, is sitting alone, reading, sipping tea, and being present. What do I enjoy most now? My husband, children and my family down south… How do you get paid for that?