My life has been one of studying why people, including myself,
have not reached the fullest potential at different times in our life. Is it anything in the 5 senses world?
No. Through many books read, listening to people tell me their
story, it is this...it is the angry thoughts about us, others, and life situations that if not quieted through reason
and logic grows into a monster of destruction, first these thoughts will
destroy you, and then the world around you.
In the beginning it may be
simple self-confusion. Then the world betrays the innocence of understanding through
a series of experiences that do not turn out the way we think it should in a
world of order. We see life is unfair now. In youth, still hopeful, we
work and try to make a difference in a world that can be chaotic and seemingly
against us. But is it? Maybe it is our misunderstanding of the imperfect
world we live in and the ignorance that we alone, can have “inner peace."
Inner peace. Where do we find
it? Where do we begin to look? What if it does not exist? What if this
whole life is not worth the effort to find the inner peace? Each of us
has the answer for these questions and each of us will live the result of the
answers we decide are true.
Having money can make a
destructive mind settle sooner for the uncomfortable answers. Money
allows an individual to slink into the darkness, disappear into an unnoticed
existence, and stop seeking the answers needed for a fuller peaceful life,
basically just live without anyone till you die. But if the destructive
thoughts are not silenced in reason and logic, the confused, unconscious, person will
silence these with alcohol and drugs, one way or the other these angry
disagreeing opinions will stop. Alcohol is a slow suicide.
Thankful I am not an alcoholic.
Thankful I am not married to one. My dear mother-in-law died of
alcoholism and I loved her so much. I asked her once in the early years
of my marriage, "Was she ever going to stop drinking alcohol?"
She said. "No." That was the day I decided I would never be a
part of an intervention or ask her to stop. It is her life and she has a
right to it. I steered clear of her when I stopped in and she was drunk.
Yet I could see the potential she had if she had not decided to drown
herself in vodka. She was a Political Science major, Vassar graduate,
spoke several languages and was preparing to be an Ambassador to Mexico for the
United Nations when her father died before she graduated college. Unprepared to deal with
this, she struggled and settled on a life she did not really want, to end up on this farm, unhappy. Her words, not mine.
I have learned if someone is
determined to drink and be angry, I cannot help. As a matter of fact, it is not
my job to do so. I can however separate from the alcohol and the anger to
save myself, to not make my life a sacrifice to their destructive behaviors or
an unending feeble attempt to save her or him. However I cannot help but
have compassion for them. Today I heard of another relative that gave up to
alcohol and is losing friends quickly. This one, a lawyer who inherited money, and no longer practices law. She too now is becoming a recluse that drinks alone in the darkness of
her mind and home. Her mother and father were educated, well off, and they drank themselves to death too.
Parents teach more through their actions than their words.
Parents teach more through their actions than their words.
It makes me sad to see a family
so full of potential, separate and wither away drinking her/himself to death.
Thankful for finding my way to inner peace and sending vibrations of
goodness to others. Namaste.
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