Have you ever sat with a person as they were dying? The last
days of their life? In Hospice as a volunteer I did. To sit with a dying
person, one must be very still, very present. Sometimes a stranger is
better suited to sitting with the dying person because there is much emotional
baggage between a family member or members if the person dying has lead an unconscious,
chaotic, life. In death there is a general consensus that the dying be
left to die in peace regardless of the good bye unsaid or the damage done to
living members that the dying may never apologize for even on a death bed.
Victims come to the bedside hoping to get a confession or an apology that
may or may not be said. In Hospice those in attendance are there to be
kind and present, to listen, not talk, until the last breath.
Conversations if possible are
to be light hearted, in my case, funny. I think when anyone has less of a
history or emotional attachment it is easier to be light hearted and funny.
And so that leads me to tonight. I have put much thought into how I
helped the dying patient to be happy the last day or week of their life.
And I realized I must do the same for a very loving cat.
This pet, this cat, has never
hurt anyone. Its soul purpose has been to comfort and share its love energy
with everyone that came into his presence. Feeling anxious? Baby sat silently,
calmly, purring n your lap. Feeling lonely? Baby slept next to you as you
slept at night, he put his head close to yours on your pillow. Feeling
sick? He sat nearby, waiting, purring for you to be well again. Ask for very
little, and when he did ask, was gentle, never demanding as some cats.
When he began suffering he
never made a sound. As he became sicker, I knew he was not himself, he stopped
purring. He was still friendly and followed me but he wasn't purring.
After the vet did exploratory surgery and found he had mouth cancer, she
put him on pain meds. Baby's tail went up in the air and he purred again.
He looked better after he had been on antibiotics and IV for fluid
intake, but his fate was the same. He would need to be put down to stop
further suffering.
I cried. It took me about
5 days of feeling sorry for myself to not have him but then I got a new
perspective about my role in his life. He had always been present and
loving for all of us in every sad situation of our 15 years with this
wonderful, beautiful, life in our family. It was my turn to be present
for him now. He needed me to love him, let him be with me as much as
possible, sleep in my bed next to me, sit in my lap as much as he wanted, he
did not have much time left, not even a week.
So a peace came over me. How
could I do less for this cat than I did for strangers in Hospice? How
could I help him? So I lie down with him next to me, petting his matted
fur as if it were not, wiping his mouth as needed when it drooled, and not
shying away from the odious breath, he does not know he has…he is just the cat
he always has been, loving, kind, lap cat, purring now because he is on pain
meds. It is the least I can do for this little life that gave so much. I
am present for him as he is for me. Thankful
to have had this precious life then and now.
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