Thankful for those who did NOT help me, it made me learn to rely on me!

I don't know about building character this way but I do know I learned to depend on me.  Growing up we had little in the line of luxuries.  A luxury to my Dad was central heat or air conditioning even though we lived in North Carolina, a state that had you freezing in the morning to the point you had to put on gloves and a winter coat, and by noon you peeled off your clothes to a tank top and shorts.

Summertime was no better at night you sweated to death, if I complained, Dad would tell me "He did not want to hear it, I had an open window, he and mother had only a (rickety old) fan." In our small house Mom and Dad had a middle bedroom, no window. I would put my pillow in the window to absorb the night air as stifling as it was, and bring it in to lie upon for a brief moment of coolness. Turn it over before putting it back in the window.  Good times, not.  

In the winter if I complained, I was freezing, Dad would say, "Throw another quilt on your bed, you'll survive."  There was an electric heater in the bathroom that had a cord so frayed it was wrapped with black electrical tape from socket to the element.  The first time my husband visited and saw this, he went out and bought a new heater.  Sweetheart said, "That's a fire hazard, unsafe."  I threw the old one completely out of the house because I knew if Dad found it he would use it somewhere else in the house.

I survived.

When I left home no one supported the move so far away but I had to go. Mother wrote me a check for $100 when she saw I was leaving with or without their permission. I think she and Dad thought I would come back one day but I never did. There was nowhere to go in that small town for me. Nothing to pursue, nothing to become, nothing to discover, and I wanted more out of life than what Mom and Dad had settled for.  

Yes they settled for so little and yet they both were brilliant people with kind hearts.  I have often thought about them and why they gave up on each other and life at such a young age.  Maybe if Mom, 17, had not had so many children she could have lived a better life outside of this marriage.  Maybe if Dad, 21, had not married so young he could have accomplished more before the responsibility of wife and kids. 

Out in the world I began to plan what I would do and how to live on my own.  I joined a ministry. Influenced by my church attendance growing up, I did not like conventional Bible teachings with blind faith and unquestioned obedience, especially imposed upon the women in the church. This Biblical Research Ministry taught how to research the Bible for yourself.  In this research I discovered this ministry like all of them are prejudice against others. For this ministry to be right, others had to be wrong, and this caused division.  I knew there was more to life than this war. The same keys that I was taught in this ministry to discover and know truth, led me through in-depth study to see that even this ministry was on the wrong path to freedom.  The truth did set me free and I know now, the only true freedom is in my thoughts and perceptions about everything in life. Unity is the goal for us all.  (www.thework.com the simplest teaching on this)

Years pass and I read everything I could about the mind and what science is discovering, self-help books became my favorite reads.  Dale Carnegie's book, How to win friends and Influence People became my Bible.  I had to reinvent myself from the ground up. It took daily practice, it has taken decades to continue to change myself to be fearless and kind in every situation. 

Through all my life I have had to depend on the kindness of strangers to see through hard times and found there are many kind strangers that became my friends. I have cried a lake of tears, I have been scared out of my mind facing unforeseen dangers, I have had no money for food at times, I have survived.  What I learned? That things are not as bad as my mind scared me into thinking it was, true patience made times become better, that wisdom of bad situations can help you avoid dangers, that working is rewarding and gives you some control over what you have in life, that tears are not as necessary as I once thought, that men and women can live happily without a spouse and children. 

That all will be well if you believe in yourself (or even if you don’t, stay alive, things will absolutely get better) keep moving, get a job if you have no trust fund or parents that buy you everything, work two jobs if you need them, ask for help, know that people care but can't help if you don't ask. Don't settle for a life of poverty or people that treat you badly, don't look for people to supply your financial or emotional needs by being married to them or being used by them.  Stand up and begin by being thankful for your health, thankful you can work, thankful you live in the USA, thankful you can work three jobs if needed, you decide.

And you may find without looking... a Sweetheart like I did. So thankful for those that did not help me, makes me extremely thankful for people that do now.