"In Spite of" or "Because Of" That is the Question

There are so many stories of parents.  Of course we all have this story.  Absent or present, neglectful or controlling, good or bad, only the child can decide what each did or meant to him/her.  In the end whatever becomes of us, we are responsible for our lives.

Do we make good choices or bad choices?  Do we practice self love in these choices or do we sacrifice our life to love others?  The beginning of every life has a response to the environment we were raised in, the people we knew, how situations were handled in times of grief and hard times.

So if in the end you become very successful in the field of your choice and you marry well, have a happy family and relationship against all odds... is this "in spite of" or "because of" your parents and environment? Do you achieve more because you had less as a child or do you achieve more in spite of what you saw?  It's your perspective, an inside job.  It always boils down to this.

One thing for sure it definitely is because you took control of your life and circumstances, you took responsibility for your life, you make it what it is in the end.  We all do.

Negative Ninnies Should Never Be Supervisors

Today I was discussing solutions to new policy change at my work.  The details of the change are not important, the discussion I had with a supervisor offered various solutions to the challenge.  This person does not and cannot think outside the box.  He openly admits he has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and is on meds for it. He tells of the ritual he goes through just to do his laundry.

He washes tee shirts, dries them and hangs them in a certain order.  The hangers have to be spaced just so and the color coordination is his own design.  For God's sake they are tee-shirts!  He cannot let anyone else do his laundry ever.  That is just one of his idiosyncrasies. He has OCD, OK I get it...

Frankly these do not concern me.  But when he has a ritual for everything he does and an ego to be right all the time, plus cannot accept any new ideas as a plausible solution or say thank you when information I offer works out, this makes for a bad working environment.

Today I offered about 5 viable solutions to a new problem at work.  This problem I had discussed with 4 other people, outside of my work place, all inventors of original ideas like me and educated in this field that the problem exists. Everything I offered, he immediately said,"That won't work."  Then I would explain another possible solution to what he just said would not work.  Then I offered another one, he insists "That will not work." After about five ideas he has not even considered were shot down, I said, "Ok."

Inside I said to myself, "Something will work, I will find it, and I don't need you to see the solution as long as I come up with one that eliminates the problem for me."

Negative ninnies are impossible. Debbie Downers and Donnie Downers... I wish on an application there were questionnaires to weed these negative ninnies out of any supervisory position.  To have to work under a negative ninnie until I can get free becomes a 007 operation.

9-5 Job Mentality is Heaven to some People

As a rebellious person by nature and face it, we all are, I like to think that having my own business, being my own boss is easier than answering to a micromanaging boss.  And it is true that if you want freedom from others telling you what to do your own business is the way to go.

If you learn how to navigate through hard times and keep up the pace to a monetary success it is work.  And then there is no guarantee of financial success but you absolutely will learn a lot if you look closely.  In time you may even turn a great profit and be able to give money to organizations you believe in to help others.  After all you can only spend so much money...

Then teaching others, giving a helping hand to others after you, teaching how to circumvent situations that can bring a business down, but instead stay afloat to better days would be most beneficial to new business owners.   Because face it, in ownership no one can keep that ship afloat but you.  Helping another is the ultimate success.

So as I was talking to a friend about my perspective of owning a business, she pointed out that this is it, MY perspective.  She is a therapist and counselor and works with people who are so alone and outcasts by family members because of their mental illnesses that to be able to be independent enough to hold down a 9-5 job, have a one room apartment and food on the table everyday would mean more to these folks than a million dollars.  These folks are not going to get well.  This is not negative thinking it is their reality.

My perspective is based on my reality, my life, my experiences.  That is all you have too.  If you have not walked in another person's shoes you absolutely cannot know their trials and tribulations.  We cannot fix them either, in the end we all have to find our way. Some of these mentally ill folks think the only way out is suicide and for them it may be.  This is hard to comprehend.  None of us have the moral superiority, no church, no state, no government, to judge another for choosing suicide.  But we do judge, why?  Does death frighten us?

And more than this, these persons want someone, just someone, to unconditionally listen to their crazy thoughts without judging them crazy.  Unconditional love and acceptance is what we all are seeking.

I still stand by the understanding that the only peace we find in this life is inside of us, because the world will never provide the safety and security we need. Drug, alcohol, food, sexual, exercise, vanity, religious, addictions are all our way of trying to fix what is going on inside.

It is time we all begin to take whatever control we may have of our thoughts and learn to love and accept ourselves so we can move on.  Peace is an inside job, always has been and always will be. Once we establish this within, then in time peace can spread throughout the world, the result a peaceful world. This may take thousands of years.

Thank you friend for opening my eyes more to your perspective and experience.

Find Your Happiness

Being happy gives one way too much free time. What will we do with the extra time if we skip over stressing about work, eating, deadlines, what we look like, another person, the perfect relationship, getting what we want when we want it? 

I have learned that when you spend enough time putting your nose in other people's business it takes time away from doing what you are supposed to be doing, it actually gives you an excuse not to.  And it is not fun.  What can you do to begin to find what makes you happy?

Oprah Winfrey in her early TV days was not happy with her pay.  She asked for a raise to earn as much as her male counterpart and was told basically, because she did not have a family and those "male" responsibilities she would not get that raise.  Instead of fighting, she told herself, "Time to look for another job."  She did and got a better one with more money. She made herself happy.

It is time to focus on what we have control over and move forward on this instead of getting mad about what we don't have control over.  In moving ahead we can avoid much bitterness and stagnation, and being happy will be within our reach.

Happiness is not found in material things, it is inside when you feel in control of your life.

Everyone does not have to be the next Einstein or Isaac Newton. To be what you are and be happy about it is the key. Finding how to be "happy" will be the next generation's greatest discovery because so far we have not figured this one thing out yet.

I think Byron Katie, Buddha, and I are on the same thought process.  I surrender again and again to the peace within. Happiness.

Wings to Fly

Then the day comes that all of us that are working for someone else, trading hours for dollars discover this is not the way to personal freedom, financial or otherwise, we begin to seek other forms of income. Or do you just give up and give in to the 9-5 mentality till you slide into the grave?

                                                                                                           

Starting your own business is a dream, becoming famous, being your own boss, deciding when you work and how much you make is up to you now. Scary huh?  Your life and income is in your hands now, what to do?

Or should we just settle and be thankful that to be alive and have a job is enough? Oh yeah and then there's that teaching to be grateful, so we do our grateful list again this morning.

Is it because of this early dependence on others for a paycheck to survive brainwashing that leaves so many of us frustrated?  Are we wondering how many more times do I have to try before I see my dreams come true?  Or do I make peace with myself today and try to chillax for last third of my life?  

Chillax, tell myself my life is good enough even though my dreams were not reached. Peace is in the moment not when a future dream is achieved according to Eckhart Tolle.

People are leaving the churches in droves today and maybe this generation is in a transitional phase and that is why they are angry about so many things out of their control. 

If how to start and run your own business was taught in elementary school, there would be more independent and happy dreamers living their dream.  And if how to keep trying when a negative situation arises in life, knowing we will rise above the negatives, to believe in ourselves to figure out anything, I think we would actually grow wings and fly!

Unlearning Bad Parenting Choices Will Be Too Late

Parenting is the one role you do not get a second chance at.  

When we become adults we try to find what was not learned in childhood. We read self-help books, try another religion, trade in our marriage for another one, get another diploma, leave our own children in the care of someone else so we can move on with our life. Children are in the way of my work, and we need more money. 

Let's send the newborn child out of the house so we can be alone and get more work done. We need more money that will make our lives better. (All little children want is to be home with mother and father, especially as a newborn baby, **I think the parent that wants the child out of the house should leave and let the child stay in their home.)

These precious formative years will pass quickly never to be retrieved.  Too young to speak an opinion now will find their adult voice later.  And they will be dismissed by you again and told to get over it, after all you got over it. But did you?  Are you enough?

Maybe this is the cause of feelings of insecurity and not being enough. As children you were left in the care of someone that did not have time for you, and left you to be taken care of by strangers that had a schedule to keep, a stranger that was not as excited as parents every time the child does something new.  A stranger that is running a business of child care instead of teaching daily habits of living that include selecting good foods to eat, meditation, envisioning the life we want, exercise, focusing and playing all day with one child, your child. 

Children learn more from watching you than your words. Now they are watching day care workers for their blueprint of life.

Someone that cannot be as patient with your child as you because they are running a business and have other children to care for as well as yours. Your child does not learn they are number one, they learn they wait in line, all their life. It started in daycare.

We lost touch with the knowledge of the patient kindness and time it takes to grow everything from a flower to a happy child and a loving long-lasting relationship with a partner. Seems as if we have some UNLEARNING to do before life gets better, before we are happy. If money is more important than time with a baby, there is much "unlearning" to do here.  (T. Berry Brazelton pediatrician and author speaks to this best)

It is MUCH harder to unlearn things than to learn a thing the first time.

No Religious Leader Ever said, "You Are Enough!"

Really?  How many times have I read this?  How many times have I heard motivational and new age spiritual teachers say this?  And how many times do I say to myself, "What the hell does that mean?"

Most of my generation was brought up in the traditions and church of our parents.  We sang hymns that told us we were "wretched" sinners and if you were brought up in the Jewish faith you have so many rituals of how to do everything that if a guest puts a buttered roll on the incorrect dish, the whole set must be thrown out.  Or at least that is what a Jewish friend told me one time when I did this.  She looked around and said, "I don't think anyone saw this but me, so let's not say anything, I love these dishes."

My Catholic friends were so busy trying to think of a sin for confession that week that I hit my knees that night in thanksgiving I was neither Jew nor Catholic. With my Southern Belle training to be a "step and fetch it woman" being polite 24/7 left me acting as if I were a doormat.  As long as "I" don't hurt anyone's feelings, the message to me is "my" voice, my feelings do not matter. These religions would have driven me to an early grave.

So now decades later after a lifetime of an ordinary life, just trying to be a good person, a good wife and a good mother, these new age teachers tell us, "We are enough, we can do anything we want." Really?

L'ananas Tartin or how'du say Pineapple Casserole?

Finally a person I have wanted to have for dinner was able to come to our house last night.  My husband went to NYC to be with our eldest for his birthday.  So I thought this is a perfect time to have this fascinating local legend over for dinner.  This writer has written for the local newspaper for 60 years.

As always I ask what are the favorite foods, and was told, "I eat everything."

I asked what is the favorite dessert?  The reply, "I like everything."

So when I get these answers I meditate and choose to cook dishes that are inspired within me. Last night I was inspired to make home-made chicken pot pie and Pineapple Casserole. I am a Southern cook and I enjoy cooking so I expected my guest would be pleased with my selections.

This writer is educated and well traveled.  An unusual life and  lifestyle choices way ahead of the times.

When I served the chicken pot pie was told, "My compliments to the chef, I think I will have another serving."

We talked and found we have similar views on religion, politics, and society.  Refreshing to see someone 30 years my senior on-board with my somewhat "crazy" outlook.  My guest said, "Many people think I am crazy in my opinions." Voila! A kindred spirit.

When I served the pineapple casserole for dessert, it was a hit as well. "Delicious, I have never tasted anything like this. What is it, some French name?"  Just think to be here almost a hundred years  and say, "I have never tasted anything like this"made me happy to have introduced a new taste.

I loved the assumption that this Southern belle would even know how to cook anything French, so I said it's called  Pineapple Casserole, I use it as a side dish with ham... it is made with sugar, cheese, and pineapple, who knew?"  My guest again said, "I love pineapple, this is really good. I never learned how to cook."

As the evening wound down, I packed up extra chicken pot pie and "L'ananas  Tartin" and sent it home with my guest to enjoy a second time tomorrow.

I know I did.  What a wonderful, independent, kind, but strong person. I look forward to another dinner with this writer again.

To Have A Voice One must Use It Truthfully in Peace

Everyone has a philosophy. We usually pick someone we admire to adhere to theirs.  Someone may believe that the purpose of life is ...  you fill in the blank. But what is your purpose?

Over the years I have heard many different opinions about this; one person believes you need to have a child, another believes you need to travel the world, another believes you must write a book, another believes you must start a business, some believe you need to be married, formally educated, the list go on and on...

I believe if we do nothing else, our purpose is to speak our piece of knowledge, our truth.  We have a voice, an opinion, hopefully we have boundaries of respect for self.  In America you have a choice.

Where did we learn to use our voice?  Or to remain silent?

A mean and angry, loud, accusing, negative, name calling voice, this does not make a reasonable argument or bring peace between two parties, so why does anyone voice their opinion this way?

Or why do we remain silent when something matters to us?

We all know the voice of reason with a calm conscious collection of thoughts that looks to unite not harm is more effective.

Maybe this voice is not used because we are afraid?  What are we afraid of in the USA?  We have the right to speak and be here. Where did we learn our voice does not matter unless we scream and shout?  (More unlearning to be done here.)

I think we all have a voice, a life, experiences that taught us something, and the people that come after us will absolutely benefit from our voice but only if we speak our truth with respect for others.

It is NOT A Sin to Want to be Rich, that's Religion Talking

Wattles wrote that to be rich is not a sin.

In the Science of Getting Rich written in 1910 by Wallace Wattles he teaches in antiquated language that to help the world you need to help yourself first. It is a good read for religious people who are unsure why to be rich is a good thing.

The best way to help the poor is not be one of them.  When you have money, you can offer more to others.  When you have an abundance of money, you can afford to live and be creative.

I, one year (1977) in my life believed if I gave more and more to my church, I would open myself to receiving more money in general. (After all the church taught this and I needed more money) The church does not pay my bills and that year I struggled paying rent, gas, food, etc.  I actually wrongfully thought when the church told me to give more money to the church because I live in the age of grace, that my life would be financially abundant. I repeat, this never works!

What I learned is when I gave 60% of my income that year, I went broke, the church got richer, I got nothing from the church but a pat on the back. The church did not concern itself with my physical needs.  Now I know no one should give of their financial "need" to any organization ever! To not feel guilty for not giving your money, will take some unlearning, we have been brainwashed.  It is your money to steward for your life.

If you want get more money, you need to give something of value to the world in exchange for it. The church never taught me this.

Money is set up in this 5 senses world to receive when you give.  Spiritual rewards are for heaven, I need my earned money to pay for my life on earth now.  Inner peace comes from disciplined thoughts of non-judgment, but I did not learn non-judgement at church either.  So I stopped going to church and listening to their leaders begging for more money decades ago.  Consider what Wattles said...

Eleven Lovely Things

It was a list made by a young girl 10 or so I think. She made a list of "Eleven Lovely Things."
What a great thing to be happy about the little things...here's my 11.

1) the sound of rain on a tin roof

2) the touch of a cat's paw

3) the sinking of my bare toes in the edge of the ocean

4) watching sand crabs skiddidle into their holes as the waves go in and out

5) the softness of my fuzzy blanket to cuddle in

6) the crackling of a fire

7) the sight of a spider's web in a tree woven with several spirals

8) watching the birds at the bird feeder

9) seeing the silhouettes of the trees against a snow covered night sky

10) the laughter of babies

11) baby animals

What little things make you happy?

That Byron Katie & Eckhart Tolle Are NUTS

The stoics have been around since the beginning of time 55-135 BC Epictetus, one of the earliest stoics, and have continued to teach and influence mankind through out the ages. In their day they were considered "New Age" thinkers and many said, "They are nuts!"

Centuries later we study all kind of ancient texts to reveal the mysteries of life we just cannot figure out on our own,  When we come across something we agree with in theory we stay with it until something better comes along.  In this search we see we are NUTS and need answers,  So we look and find and worship and live till that does not work anymore.

In time we come face to face with realizing we don't have all the answers and no one does.  We find to focus on the present moment is hard to do because we were never taught this before but...

This thinking is taught by "New Age" thinkers today like Byron Katie and Eckhart Tolle.  It comes from a different face but it appears every century in human form to guide us to happiness and lead us home in our mind.  This home that is most comfortable is peaceful, non-judgmental, and happy.

I read reviews on the teachers I follow and so many people are afraid to change a thought to a peaceful one, and so these angry people call these teachers charlatans, witches, etc.  Regardless of the judgment, one rule of thumb I remember when deciding to investigate a new way of thinking, is this: "Is this person, philosopher, promoting a formula for self governing thoughts that lead to peace or is this person looking to take control of your mind to get money?"  Byron Katie teaches all her methods for free, Eckhart Tolle teaches all his lessons for free, on YouTube.  You do not have to believe or follow them at all.  You do not have to buy their books. You do not have to go hear them speak in person.  You decide.  I for one love their teachings and have found much inner peace because of their teachings.  No one is asking me to drink Kool-Aid, or wait on them physically in any way.  I would not do it anyway.  I am stubborn like that.  I am the first out of the sweat lodge no matter what you say.  Another story another day...

A peaceful thought that means we must let go of anger. Ok BK and ET, that is harmless enough, I think I'll try it. We will see this anger comes from within and is causing pain to ourself and can lead to violent words and actions to others.

To take full responsibility for ourself is scary because we want to be right all the time, If I'm not right then who am I?  Will I disappear in importance if I let go of all my 5 senses accomplishments?  How will I measure my worth if not by my diplomas, position, material items, and money?

This is the teaching of stoics, Byron Katie, and Eckhart Tolle, to be free from identification with this world is not to become invisible, it means we become more effective in our chosen profession.  We bring true peace into the world through our being present now.

What does the Kingdom of Heaven within us Mean?

The kingdom of heaven is within you. Every religion has its interpretation of this verse.  Having left the defining of every verse to the masses I choose to move beyond personal interpretation and see the Bible from a broader view that encompasses all beliefs at its core.

Today I heard Eckhart Tolle teach the meaning as he interprets it with awareness and consciousness.

Kingdom means "dimension" and heaven means "vastness."

The dimension of vastness is within each of us.

Think on this, I know I will.  Limitless possibilities are within us to manifest as we choose. Hmmm...

People with Bipolar Disorder are Extra Sensitive, Loving, and Kind

Kim Novak did a sit down interview with Robert Osborne of TCM (Turner Classic Movies) her first interview in 20 years.  She did not like Hollywood fame life in general.  I was struck by her candid answers and her belief about how life unfolded to her, she just let life happen without force.

She said she became a Hollywood star through a visit to LA while on a modeling tour.  She and a girlfriend visited a movie set and she was asked to be a cameo model in a film.  A director saw her and invited her to audition for a part.  The part she auditioned was for her to star in.  From this she went on to work with great directors including Alfred Hitchcock in"Vertigo" with the great actor Jimmy Stewart. She loved playing this dual personality part because she had two or more people struggling inside of her constantly due to her manic depression.

She now lives in Oregon with a loving husband. He is an equestrienne veterinarian, her dream long ago before modeling was to be this vet.  She prefers nature to the Hollywood lights.  She has animals and she rides her horses with her husband.  Life is calm and peaceful now, she takes medicine for her Bipolar condition.

She tells of growing up in a crazy house. Her father had Bipolar disorder but there was no diagnosis and no medicines back then. Her father never told her he loved her or was proud of her.  The only movie premiere he attended with his wife and daughter he walked out on halfway through the movie and never told Kim she did well for herself.  He did manage to tell her once he loved her when he was on his deathbed.

Today she paints beautiful portraits and hopes to have a public show. She believes anyone that has mental illness can find great expression through art. She plans to sell her paintings and donate all the profits to the Mental Health Field. She feels it is so important to understand, research, and help those of us with mental illness.

The negative stigma of mental illness will in time die down so people that suffer can get the help they need with no shame.  This is "New Age Thinking" that will be accepted one day to the welfare of all.
Our family has two diagnosed people with Bipolar disorder. (I suspect others in the last generation have it as well but were never diagnosed)  Learning how to live with and help them has been a study of mine.  I see first hand they are extremely sensitive, loving, and kind and like Kim want to be loved and accepted like all of us, maybe even more.

Sleepy Hollow Cemetery Residents

In 1887 the town hall had a meeting and decided that all residents past and present of Concord, MA. could buy lots for their family at Sleepy Hollow Cemetery and be interred here alongside other natives.  Some of the past residents were famous authors that lived and met here for society in Concord in the mid to late 1800s.

"Authors Ridge" home to the graves of Emerson, Hawthorne, Thoreau, and Alcott may be the most well known but there are many other authors buried in this sacred resting place.

Transcendentalist, essayist, naturalist, and novelist all knew one another and dined together at Alcott's house from time to time.  All had modern day concerns from women suffragette to abolition of slavery.  What may have seemed to be "New Age Thinking" then is an accepted reality today.

There is a little known but equally noteworthy woman in town.  She came to the cemetery as a teen to work for a summer and loved it so much she stayed 30 years.  What began as a summer job that her parents thought would be less appealing, making this young woman "run" to a college education, did not work.  To day she works with many men in the public works department in Concord and is happy.

If you stop by the cemetery office she will gladly give you a map so you too can walk about this beautiful and historical necropolis.  Thank you "T."  If you are ever in Albany, give me a call. 😉

She like many of the independent women of this country chose to follow her own path and it has made all the difference in her happiness.  All women could be this happy if they followed their heart.

I Am a Doubting Thomas, "I was born this way!"

When I think of all the roads of thought I have traveled and how 5 senses oriented I am I think it s a miracle I listen to anyone outside of me.

So when I really decide to study someone and adopt some of their teachings because these help me in some way, that is saying a lot about them and the content of their philosophy, I am not an easy sell.

These teachers all agree that you will not see beyond the 5 senses until you come to a place of giving up, realizing you do not want the thoughts you carry everyday because they are too painful to think about.  I have been giving up a little every year since childhood and finding more inner peace every year.

One thing I know about me, I am not a groupie.  I think it is dangerous for anyone to put a teacher on a pedestal and follow blindly.  This is a sure way to be disappointed eventually.

I have noticed every teacher comes from their core beliefs and incorporate the new ideas with their old beliefs.

I also notice I am much happier and less angry than most people I meet.  So something is working. Nothing new under the sun. So in the end whatever works for one, will work for another IF communicated in a way that resonates with that individual.  This I know for sure, inner peace is available.  It is much more work than drinking or doing drugs to escape, but it is worth it.

When I Realize I Have All I Need Now

Everything in stoicism says it. Accept what you can control and be at peace with what you cannot control. Life is that simple. Now we can search the astrology for answers, pray for answers, do all kinds of number charts and readings but when you realize all we are is all we are, this 5 senses family we are born into, this body we are born into, this culture we were born into, this country, this civilization, is it, what will I do to make my life as comfortable as possible?

Men seem to be more at home in their body, mind, and business at hand.  Most men I know don't seek guidance from a psychic or numerology reading to decide their next move in life or the success of it. Most are not looking for a plastic surgeon to correct an imagined deformity of the body, neither a  reduction or enlargement.

And men are in charge of most everything on earth, maybe it is because they know they are enough, and they take the responsibility of their actions, good and bad when it comes to business.  They were born with everything they are: their confidence, lack of care about what others think, the need to counsel someone before making most decisions, their nose, their family, their opportunity, their lack of it and they get busy doing something. Arrogance and pride seems to take them a long way, are these really negatives traits? Or actually good traits when taken in moderation?

Men seem to be interested in a challenge to overcome and making things more functional in life. Thus the reason they innocently may give women a present of a better dishwasher or vacuum. They love a new wrench to fix the plumbing so they do not see why a woman would not like a better appliance.

Men think it is great to make life more comfortable and most are not afraid to do whatever the heck they want to do, regardless of what the outcome may be.  This is sometimes to their detriment, but they do it anyway. The only concern for their body is, can I function to perform bodily daily needs? Eating, etc.

Think about it. Women bring spiritualism, astrology, angel readings, Feng shui, into the house for making life bring them the 5 senses success women want, maybe women could just relax and believe things will work our in time with some patience.  Men rely on self and begin doing something in the 5 senses world to make their lives happen, not always patient either, they make choices that are bad and costs dearly in the 5 senses.  But the DO something outside of wishing and praying,  Maybe women did this originally because the time and culture prevented women from having any voice or ownership of property in their lifestyle? Maybe this was true then but this is now in the USA.

Good men, confident men, loving and kind men, are not in the way of  kind, successful women, men like the excitement of being with this woman.  I do not believe men in general are the enemy.  I think it is the inability to appreciate what each sex brings to the table that causes division, along with antiquated religious rules of how each sex should behave. Women in general do not know how to set boundaries without anger and then hold to it.      

When I realized I have all I need now, to have the life I want, a mind that can think and reason, an able body, shelter and food, freedom to speak in this country, the ability to choose a good mate that loves me, access to read and learn from those I choose, I became grateful.

Through meditation (I sit quietly and think) I became peaceful, I have discovered to have my inner peace, I need to study peaceful practices and apply them to my everyday thoughts. But this does not mean this will work for you or that you need to do what I do.  My husband meditates best while riding a bike.

He always is present when interacting with me.  He sees things are good or not good and works to make things better. He has learned to listen without offering suggestions unless asked. He does not want to throw in the towel on our relationship and try again with the another woman.  

We decided we would make this life work together and we do not look back. The thought everything must be my way or else we are calling this relationship "Quits" is shutting down really good marriages everyday.  Do you think you are going to live forever? It takes a long time to raise a child and it takes along time to truly know another person, inside and out, and achieve unconditional love between two people not bound by blood.

My Sweetheart's kind heart and cheerful attitude over every negative situation has been puzzling at times but in time I see he is so good for me, and this is it.  Patsy Cline once said about her husband Charlie,  "He might have been a headache but he was never a bore!" (I relate to this completely)

Whatever life we have now, this is it.  I can change if I want more, I am in control of my life.  I can make any move when I am ready, no one is stopping me but me.

I have all I need now.

Marky Maypo with Quinoa, (1950s)

When I went shopping recently I wanted to add quinoa to my morning breakfast on days I did not drink a protein shake.  As I was buying rolled oats for my Sweetheart I saw quinoa in an oat cereal so I thought I would try it.

When my husband saw it he told me he began to eat Maypo as a wee babe of 5 and had a Marky Maypo bank that his mother ordered through the mail from the labels she sent in.  At night when he and his brother said their prayers they would add "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Maypo" to which their mother would give a word of reprimand, but they would include Maypo again the next night.  😄

Maypo he said has maple syrup in it.  I tried it and it was tasty not too sweet. I added cinnamon and almond milk.  It was pretty good for something different. Marky Maypo commercial can be seen on YouTube if you're interested.

Fat in A Coffee Jar On Your Grandma's Stove? Why?

In April of 1942 Eleanor Roosevelt wrote a reminder for housewives to keep their cooking "fat" and turn it in for the use of the government.  Japanese cut off much of the import of oils and fats during the war years and it was needed for battle.

Fats contains glycerine, glycerine makes gunpowder, explosives and medicines.  The woman at home on the homefront wondered what she could do to help?  This was it.  Cans of fat were to be turned in to help the war efforts.  With everything being rationed these war years, including gas, oil and butter housewives used it daily to cook for their family.

When I was growing up in the South, there was always a can at my Grandma's stove and a can on my mother's stove.  It looked grayish white and tasted bland but salty.  But when your Grandma put a dollop in everything from gravy to vegetables, it was delicious!  Yep that southern cooking, salt, pepper, sugar, and grease made everything delicious.

Housewives were saving the fat but they were not diligent in giving it to the government.

The can at our house is there still.

I wonder if Eleanor started that habit or if it was born from farm living as my folks all came from farms?  It is a good guess anyway.

Productive Procrastination?

In the book The 5 Second Rule by Mel Robbins she presents her case for her findings as all authors do.  One particular point she made was the difference with "Destructive Procrastination" and "Productive Procrastination."  I think we all can relate to destructive procrastination but...productive?

When I think back on my early life I know I use to forget semi-important things such as a homework assignment or a class project where my part was due and I simply had no memory of it.  I cured this by two disciplines, I began to write down everything, to make lists, and to do immediately anything I could do immediately.  Studying the night before a test was completely useless to my grade, I would make a bad one.  I discovered I need a methodical approach to any task and time to do it.

It was not until I was diagnosed with ADHD and studied behavioral management of it that I was proud of myself for implementing positive ways to manage it without outside help.  This is good since no outside help was ever offered me.  I was very familiar with destructive procrastination.

Now I like that Mel has brought to light with scientific facts that productive procrastination is even a thing.  As hard headed and stubborn as I can be, my husband and I noted that we both, when dealing with marital disagreements have at times chosen "Productive Procrastination."

No man or woman wants to be WRONG.  It seems the louder or angrier spouse can be right because the other one doesn't want to hear it anymore and remains silent.  This does not solve anything and may lead to life with "the old ball and chain" reference.

But this choice to let a topic rest a while, come back to it another day when emotions are not so hostile is majorly productive...I never knew this had a name.  I do think if more unions, marriage or not, adopted this approach, there would be more meeting of the minds and compromises that would move situations forward in peace.

Shallow conversations are not our style, this productive procrastination with much discussion has made us closer over the years.  After all no two people think exactly alike but I believe all of us as a whole want to live in peace and to be kind to each other.

Frankie "The Weatherman"

Frankie Macdonald had a dream since childhood to be a weatherman.  He watched the weather growing up and that became his dream, to deliver the weather on the air.  He has been making weather reports on YouTube for years and he is intelligent and funny.

As entertainment he is fresh and new and personally I never tire of his broadcasts.  He gives the weather reports for the entire planet.  His heart to tell you to get your laser pointer and black tea and stay inside for a few days is so fun, he communicates his concern for others.

How can anyone NOT LIKE HIM?  He is likeable.  He has control of his life and with consistency he delivers a video every day.  This young man has more discipline, drive, confidence, charm, than most people.

I have ADHD.  In the past researchers did not think this was a form of autism but more recently they see the two autism and ADHD overlap.  I know ADHD is real, I have struggled with test taking and school studies all my life and worked harder than others to make a decent grade.

Unlike many that worry when they hear a possibility of such a "label," I do not see my diagnosis as a bad thing.  I see these "labels" as a means to help the individual with tried and proven scientific actions to help deal with their challenges in daily life activities. This is a good thing.  If this had been available when I was growing up I could have gotten the help I needed to be more successful in test taking and ultimately my grades.

Then I think of my girlfriend who had dyslexia.  She was put in "Special Ed" classes all her life but she knew she did not belong there.  As a result she never got far in school although she is extremely bright.  She has confidence and that is why now, she is an elected Councilwoman in a town in PA. Yes she sits on boards and is a part of major decisions including taxes for the town.  Yep, after looking at everything on the table, she voted to raise taxes in her town last year.

Truth is bipolar, ADHD, Asperger's, autistic, all have unique qualities and make for the most interesting adults.  So if we can get past the judgments of the society we live in about being defective, imperfect, we can find we all have great abilities if we look inside. Even you normal people!

Frankie is a great example of going for his dream! He may be autistic but he is entertaining, makes us laugh, and at the same time we are so proud of what he does. He has a passion for what he loves and he not afraid to put himself out there!

We should all be so lucky as Frankie, the world is his oyster.

Eleanor R. Description of the Constitution Is Sempiternal

Sempiternal means everlasting, indestructible, timeless, abiding, in other words there is no need to completely change it but to modify laws as each age progresses. *Don't ask me 6 months from now what that words means I might forget.  I like it because the Marines motto is {'Semper Fi' short for Semper fidelis meaning "always faithful"} and I have a Marine Vet son. 😜

Eleanor Roosevelt words were written in one of her daily columns "My Day" which she wrote (She received "her own money" for writing) for more than 20 years. She wrote it 6 days a week and it appeared every other day in over 90 papers nationwide.

I like her description of the Constitution more than any other I have ever read, she wrote:

"Here they are terrified lest the Constitution be interpreted as it was meant to be interpreted in each age according to that period's own ideas, instead of past generation.  It seems to me it would be more intelligent to be afraid of strangling democracy by letting a fossilizing process harden the Constitution into a cocoon which must be violently broken because it could not grow up with the life within. Life implies growth and the Constitution was never meant to be used as the Bible was by our most puritanical Puritans.

"'The letter killeth.' Do these people really want to be ruled by a frozen document?  If so, they are the ones who are going back upon the American spirit, not we.

I do hope there are enough men and women of vision in Congress who are not ridden by these fears, which seem most inappropriate ones in the mouths of self-governing people. It seems to me it would be better to have less in the Constitution than more, because it has got to stand interpretation and reinterpretation through the ages."

                                                     Quote from book My Day, page 16,17 (David Emblidge)

The "Forgotten Man" was a phrase ER used throughout her addresses to her husband and to strive for the needed change in the laws and country to help that man.  Her efforts in Arthurdale, W.V. which she personally funded when Congress financially pulled out because of the financial losses was an effort to revive a forgotten community in the Appalachian Mountains.

This community supplied the families with work to make their own food through farming land “given to them” and build houses with materials “given to them.” (Them was unemployed coal miners)  The government abandoned the community project when the town became more and more dependent on the government for money. ER had to abandon financing it as well or she would have gone personally broke too.

Sometimes I think well intentioned rich people who feel guilty for having wealth either through inheritance or original invention think they can FIX the "Poverty Mentality" of the rest of us by giving their money to us.  This does not work.  Arthurdale should have proved that to ER. Her attempt at establishing Arthurdale may have made “her” wealth consciousness guilt feel better in response to the cry of the poor “not fair!” but it did not work for the poor.  I do hope she felt some release from that guilty thought by this experiment she spearheaded.

Today Arthurdale, West Virginia remains can be visited because it is maintained by a non-profit organization, formed in 1985, Arthurdale Heritage, Inc.  

Financially it was deemed a failure as it did not make residents financially independent but more dependent on the government.  ER thought it was a success because she saw improvements in the people's lives.  But I say to ER if it is unsustainable for the individual to thrive a lifetime, what was the outcome she wanted?  To teach a man to fish or to give him a fish for a day?  Did she think a financial gift of land and housing to give poor people a leg up, would be enough for them to dive into their ingenuity and own sustainable income? Clearly it was not.

After a half million dollars loss in Arthurdale, the land was sold at a loss to homesteaders and private citizens.  No major company that ER persuaded to come in to provide work for its residents could sustain the operating costs to be there, therefore the companies had to close. She even allowed her signature on furniture made to be sold at a premium price because HER SIGNATURE was on each piece.  This again would not bring long term financial sustainability to the individual.

This would be an insightful study to see exactly why Arthurdale failed economically.

This is why I write, to restore the "thought" that independent ideas with the confidence to carry these ideas out are available to any individual in this country.  We must have the understanding that to make money, one has to do something that is of value to other people and then make it, advertise it, and deliver it.  A good work ethic with the confidence to succeed in our talent is equally essential.

Bottom line for me is the Constitution is a cocoon with life within.  It grows each day to emerge as a better and more beautiful state of governing laws to prosper and benefit all... the rich as well as the "Forgotten Man."

What an adventure to discover our talents and a way to get paid for it!  This makes life more interesting and challenging.  Imagine this, WE CAN use our brains to discover OUR talent to provide income for ourself!  This is my journey to overcome this fear "to make it on our own" is my challenge.  The animals seem to make it on their own, why do we humans fear we can't?  I have some ideas how to root this "Poverty Mentality" out and so I write. It will take thoughtful repetition on our part, daily work, but it can be done!

It is necessary to merge the business side of government money, our money, with the responsibility of protection and peace for this cocoon (Constitution).  This will continue to guide and make freedom for individuals who live here legally in the USA to prosper and thrive.

Therefore I believe our US presidents that rose to that office bring their knowledge and heart to the balance of ‘Lady Justice.’  Only through balancing these scales will we achieve the world peace and prosperity we all desire...in time.

Time and Time Again, Peace Begins Within

Some truths that are known to generations before us are worth repeating.

Michelle Obama's Childhood Sounds Amazing!

Ted Talk has the first speech given by our First Lady at a school for girls in England. She spoke of her childhood and it was a storybook family.  She told of her great supportive grandparents that taught her the things she needed to know to lead a morally upright life.  Her father suffered from MS, got up and went to work without a complaint every day.  Her mother and father had a respectful supportive marriage that taught her what to look for in a marriage.   Education was promoted  throughout her life and she made top grades all the way through grade school into law school graduate.

She brought her mother to live in the White House with her children so they could also benefit from her mother's wisdom and she could help with the raising of them.

Although her childhood was one of poverty and being from the "South side of Chicago" bad neighborhood, it was her great supportive, wise, family members that made her life successful.
She told the girls that she thought it was "cool" to make all "As" in school and she had faith that the future of the world was in their capable hands.

She said her first date with her husband was to a community center where he was pairing up people with jobs to help the downtrodden of Chicago. He was a community organizer then, so she knew to be with him was to be in service to the people.

Wow, so two keys to her success is a supportive family and a good education. It definitely helps, she is proof of it.

What's Your Slant?

Freedom's Prophet is written by Richard Newman.  It is an amazing story about a man that built a church when many said it could not be done. Now others focus on the fact that he was a slave and worked and saved his money to buy himself out of slavery, incredible for sure. But regardless of his life situations that quite frankly would have made me so angry or to give  up, he did not.

What I noticed about the book and the person Bishop Richard Allen, is his ability to look at a very bad situation, and patiently, so patiently, work, work, work, save, save, save, and think of legal ways to circumvent the problems.  Legally he did this time after time.  This kind of cool headedness with definite purpose over a long time enabled him to live free with his family.  A great book to read, a story that if you did not believe it to be true, you would not believe it.

My post are about my readings and my practices.  The books reveal so many times that a cool head prevailed in very dangerous times. Loud, hot heads that spout off cuss words and tell you to F*** off, never impress me. Anyone can cuss and yell but it takes someone with a cool head to patiently, think, and make constructive changes.

When you read something or look at people you meet in work or life, what impresses you? Or what makes you dismiss them as an idiot? What impresses you and makes you lean in?  What makes you turn a deaf ear?

My interest is always to see the attitudes and actions that teach how to be calm, cool, kind, and productive in every problem.  If you look close at your conversations and predicaments you encounter you can begin to see.

Do you want to be the center of attention with all the answers, or do you want to be calm, listen, think, and look for productive unifying resolutions that benefit everyone?  I want to be the latter.

So when I read anything, look at anything, my slant is always to look for the calmer, cooler, legal, non-violent voice in the room.  What's your slant?

Everyone Has a Recipe for Happiness

My husband and I were talking about HOW to be happy.  If you listen to gurus they all teach, it is in your mind.  We know this by now.  I know for us, no matter what kind of day we are having or if the day is not a good one, (You decide what makes it bad here)  we can think of our children and we smile.  Our children make us happy whenever we think about them.

There are many, many, books with formulas of how to get happy.  But I don't think there is a formula for it that fits all of us.  Happiness has nothing to do with lack of comparison to others, or selfless service, these can help you like yourself better but to be happy, I don't think so...

When my Sweetheart and I think of each other we can smile, this marriage has been through almost everything imaginable and we have figured out ways to move around all obstacles with our love intact. This kind of strength and understanding we both have for each other now makes us happy.  We know each other more as the years go by.  It has taken decades to really delve deep into our motives and actions to see why we do what we do and what we need to change to be the persons we want to be.

To articulate this is very helpful.  Finally because we learn to not judge each other, we are getting to the heart of every chaotic action and thought we have had.  It is freeing to be this close, this happy with each other after all these years. It is like our first kiss.  

Life is not going to be happy all the time and without the unhappiness, HOW can we know happiness.  With every giving there is a receiving, the yin yang principle is always at work.

I think being present without judgment is happiness. What do you think?

You Believe What You Want To

IF you want to believe that Jesus Christ is your lord and savior, you will.  If your family believes it you will be taught to believe it too.

If you are born in India you may want to believe in Hinduism, if your family believes it you will be taught to believe this too. And so on...

This is true for every continent and country throughout the world. What do you believe?

I was taught to believe in Christianity but when the judgments of others who did not believe as I did were taught to me, I did not like it as much.  I found many reasons to believe that others, like me, could go no further than were taught and therefore should not be held accountable to my religious beliefs as being wrong nor I to theirs.

So I began a lifelong search to find my truth.  The belief that we are all one and we should all love one another.  What I learned was that all religions have rules and judgments that include some and exclude others.  This was heartbreaking to me so I became a human being, a member of the human race and kin to all mankind/womankind.

Eckhart Tolle teaches we all came from God.  This I can accept.

So I will study Eckhart Tolle not as a spiritual leader but a teacher of thought, how to control them, how to focus on the good in the world, all the world.

Human means this 5 senses form we live in, this body.  Being meaning the essence of God, the goodness of God.  This I believe because I want to.  What do you want to believe?

Extremist Beliefs Can Lead To Violent Conclusions

Ok Byron Katie states in her teachings that victims are the angriest people. Upon closer inspection of this premise, we can see this is true.

It seems reading posts on Facebook that "extreme opinions of how other people should live" are the most violent.  To voice a differing opinion that is a peaceful viewpoint can get a fundamentalist fired up.

Today there was an article I felt needed further vetting before broadcasting on internet with negative judgements as absolute truth.  I responded with, "Let's get this information vetted before we make such a harmful blanket statement about all Muslims."

Quickly, an extreme reactionary wrote back in comment for all Muslims to leave and "I" should go with them. (Evidently someone with a different viewpoint has to go too. Gotta love America!)

I explained further...  *All "Christians" would not bomb a Planned Parenthood Clinic. So lighten up on all Muslims being violent. *

Even if one thought about it, most people have common sense that overrides the "action" to carry through with the thought. (When acting on a thought may "kill people," it has to be reconsidered, otherwise you are insane.) We all think violent thoughts (I don't want to kill anyone anymore, I told you I use to be very angry...) but I know that violence is not the long term answer. My rational mind wants peace.  This does not mean I do not stop domestic violence if I witness it. Peace is sanity, order is sanity, stopping violence is necessary to restore safety for all and for kindness to be the prevailing action.

This is getting detailed, (I paraphrase kinda) but Eckhart Tolle teaches that "arguing is a form of violence."  Including I am going to argue my point of view to the death of a relationship.  I have to be right all the time or make others see they are wrong...or one of us will have to go!

"I" have to be right is a form of violence.  

Eckhart Tolle further explains that having to be right is really a fear of death.  If the "I" which is right cannot survive then that is the death of "me."  The death of all I believe, is death to me. To get the teaching correctly straight from ET read The Power Of NOW.  

Reality, to really listen to another point of view is to expand awareness and find peaceful solutions.

"What" Not As Important as HOW

Details, details, details, we are so concerned with every little detail!  And if a detail is not explained to my satisfaction I will doggedly keep needling until I get the answers to that detail!  Meanwhile bigger issues are at hand and one is the "HOW" of every situation.

Religious wars are separating churches over details of the birthday of Jesus.  Differences in interpreting details of  any situation are landing people in courts of law every day.  Details of what is mine and what is yours, causes couples to linger years in divorce court over things.  Custody battles can go on until children are grown adults and the custody does not matter anymore.

What did you say?  When did you say it? Why did you say it?  Is this really the important point?

How about we focus on moving on, the bigger picture.  How about we figure out how to best serve one another in peace knowing life is not and never will be perfect? How can we live in peace and harmony?   The "HOW" is much more beneficial to everyone.

The HOW involves critical thinking skills where we all can offer ideas and move on.

Each Moment is Enough to Concern Self With

The chaos of the mind can be eliminated by losing "time."  Eckhart Tolle author of The Power Of Now teaches that we are so caught up in worrying about the past which we NOW have no control over and worrying about the future that we NOW have no control over that we spend too much time in stress mode which can lead to sickness.  Sickness is your body saying, "Time out!"  If you won't give me, the body a rest, I'll take one without your permission.

The ONLY way  to get out of stress mode is to live NOW, the present moment, for in this moment there is nothing to worry about.  Watch animals, true if they could think like humans they might live longer and prevent accidents, but...they take life moment by moment as it comes, no stressful thinking.

ET teaches to live in this moment and only access past time or future time as needed to exist, (Ex. make appointments, remember a renewal date.) is to slow down the aging process.  When we worry we cause premature aging in our bodies.

Once again the only control any of us have is over our mind and then only if we choose to take control of it and block out worried thoughts. It takes daily study, meditation, and practice but it can be done.  I am working on this NOW.

People Are More Wonderful The More I Know About Them

My Sweetheart and I went to see Tommy Emmanuel at Troy Music Hall tonight.  To our surprise we met 5 wonderful new people.  Tommy's opening act was Joe Robinson, his protege who won Australia's Got Talent 2008.  He is currently touring and opening for Tommy.  Joe was as amazing as Tommy with his own style, yes we bought his cds.

Joe told an endearing story of living in the outback of Australia.  His family did not have hot water until her was ten y o.  He said, "That was a game changer for sure."  He got up at 5 to chop wood and start the fire to have the hot water and in the process found he liked to burn things up, his first arson dream was to burn down a McDonald's.  So he wrote a song titled "Flaming Arches."  What a hoot!
Great song, the music, and well you have to go to youtube and listen.

Tommy Emmanuel played the guitar like a harp.  He played faster and faster. You had to really look to try to keep up with his hands.  (Chet Atkins was his mentor.)  TE supports a foundation "Guitars for Vets."  He says and truthfully so, "Music heals." Tommy sells his guitars to raise money to buy guitars for the foundation.  He also said, "What good are these guitars to hang on the wall for my family to look at when they can be sold and buy so much more for others (Military Vets) to enjoy."  TE's heart is pure gold.

The light show in his background while he played made the performance even more spectacular.
 
I met three wonderful ladies there, Sarah, Jean, and Julie.  They heard of Tommy last Sunday and came tonight to see him in person.  Their energy was so loving and peaceful. Two sisters and their Mom.  The sisters were taking such gentle care with their mother.  The mother tapped her fingers along as Tommy played, smiled as her daughters kept time nodding their heads in unison to the beat.   Fun ladies, great night. People are more wonderful the more I know about them.

5 more wonderful folks to see and all of them equally great.

Life is good and getting better everyday!

Good people everywhere we go and I am so thankful to see each of them.