There Are Families You are Better Off Without

This is unheard of! You don't do this! It is not done! If you don't love your family you have no one else!  You know just because you move away doesn't solve your problems, you take yourself with you wherever you go!  If you loved your family you would come see us every chance you get, especially at holidays!  If you don't call us more you are being disrespectful! How dare you not come to your (family member's) birthday party, funeral, wedding, etc. This is not Christian (insert your family's religion here) of you! How dare you!

Have any more you'd like to add?  If you are the one who decided to move away to find peace and not be criticized anymore, you have heard one of these reprimands.  When you hear these you know you are dealing with a narcissistic parent.  One who wants everyone to ask permission to get that parent's approval before making an independent move.  To respond to this person is a life sucking, joy breaking,  prison of a life, and the family members that do as commanded, are not free.

Are you the scapegoat of the family?  Every time something goes wrong, the narcissist will blame someone else, especially you, I didn't do that, you did! I did that because you made me do it! It's your fault! If you were more kind and less selfish this would not have happened! 

There is nothing you can do right.  Even when you achieve something great you are not acknowledged.  Why? Because that narcissistic parent cannot stand anyone to rise above them in merit or praise, you have to be knocked back down.

So you have to decide what you want out of life and what you are willing to give to get the life you want to live. Do you want to be totally free to live life on your own terms?  If this is your decision, you have to move away, far away, and do not contact your family on a regular basis.  When you do visit, tell them you are going through town and will stop in 10 minutes, watch the clock, ten minutes without responding to criticism is a wonderful victory, ten minutes up?  Get out of their house and move back to your happy life.

In time if you want, you can stop by 15 minutes, 30 minutes, in a few years you may be able to enjoy these narcissistic parent (s) and the enablers that chose to stay around her/him, extended family members for an hour!  That is an accomplishment!

You are in control. You decided to be happy and not be a part of their hateful self-talk vomited onto you.  The problem is theirs not yours.  You cannot change anyone but yourself, you set boundaries of what you will abide from anyone. People treat you with the same respect you show yourself.

We cannot change others, we can change our minds and set boundaries of respect. 

"Families are Everything" when they support differences of opinions and life choices of everyone in it.  When families do not respect you and your individuality, you are better of without them. Go make a family and life of kindness and compassion to all, especially yourself.

Thankful to have moved away and made a wonderful family with my Sweetheart. Life is a joy to live every moment for many years now. Namaste.